[WrkNPrgress]

My partner struggles with an addiction to food (esp. sugar) and cycles through bad phases of depression and horrible self-loathing. I don't care about her size- she's beautiful. I am, however, worried about her overall health. (Family has history of diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc.)

She is a wonderfully educated woman who works in the psychology industry. So she knows all the benefits of exercise, self-care, etc and she knows all the problems of not taking care of those things. She fully recognizes her depression, and her need to overeat for emotional reasons and when she's stressed.
Even though she has always hyped the benefits of exercise (she's the one who got me going to the gym,) she told me the other day that she has difficulty doing exercise because it makes her too aware of her body. She wants to cry when she gets on the treadmill. She disassociates.

She has been in and out of therapy for years, it seems whenever a T gets close to these issues she stops going. She's fully aware of how her lack of self-care has impacted her overall health and emotional well being but feels just stuck.

Again her body is not the issue, but how she treats herself is. How she views herself is. It makes me so sad because she truly is a beautiful and sexy woman. It's painful to watch her beat herself up so much, but I'm aware there's much more going on here than I can help with. I know it's not mine to "fix" but I am her partner and I can't not be affected.

I was wondering if I could ask, if it's not intrusive, what the best way to support someone with these issues? What really helps? I tell her daily how much I love her, how beautiful she is — as she is— and I try to be as compassionate as possible but at times the self-loathing can be difficult. I listen. I hug. I kindly call her out when i hear her insult herself, but if I try to encourage her in any way —*she gets defensive, angry and shuts down.

(p.s. feel free to call me out if I'm handling this the wrong way or missing something in my own perspective.)

[jelly-bean]

Sounds to me like you are doing all the right things. She really needs to talk about things with a T since her eating is such a major issue. There are major issues in the past that are haunting her and she needs to get them out and on the table. That's really the only way she will begin to get better. Does she come here too? Maybe getting her into an eating disorders chat would help.

[eskielover]

I understand how concerned you are for your partner & the desire for her to be fealthy for her own good.

All you can do is show that you care, not surface show but really connect. Helps with the reason to want to be healthy with nagging or harping in it.

The bottom line for all ED's it that the desire to change has to come from within the person themselves nothing works when It's done fore someone else because at some point that person will dissapoint them & it ends up backfiring. The desire has to come from within & the past issues that are the foundation need to be processed

[WrkNPrgress]

Eskielover, I hear you about the real source coming from within. I've said as much too my partner. I try too tell myself that too and watch how I support so as not to nag. Cause the last thing I want to do is shame or add to her psychological and emotional burden.

[breakmystride]

I'm sorry that you're both going through this. You sound like an amazing partner, to be willing to go through this with her and to be so supportive. I agree with the previous posters that you're doing all the right things. There's no way quick and easy way to recover from mental illness, so all you can do is to encourage her down the right path. Keep supporting her, and understand that when she gets defensive, it's not because she's unhappy with you, it's just because she is hurting.

How do you think she would feel about you going to therapy along with her? Having a one-on-one conversation with a therapist was always very intimidating for me, so maybe having someone by her side would be helpful for her.