[acissej87]

I've suffered from an eating disorder since I was 17, and I'm now 28. I got help back then and "got better". Around may of last year I started getting depressed and had horrible anxiety causing me to fall back into my eating disorder. I starve myself because I have a fear of throwing up. I became pregnant in July 2014, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy in April. I did great my entire pregnancy keeping it under control (which is hard to do with morning sickness). But since he's been born its been out of control. I feel sick to my stomach all the time still, only worse. As a result i starve myself. If I don't eat, I can't get sick. I know I need help and that my fear is absolutely ridiculous but I can't force myself to get the help i need. I'm worried that these stomach aches I have are a disease itself and that if I get help for my ED it won't do any good. I'm at a complete loss and have no one to turn too. I feel like a failure as a mother because I let this debilitating disorder run my life.

[eskielover]

That sick feeling usually comes from something seriously stressful in your life.....at least that's what causes it for me. When I was young & in college, midterms & finals would cause that level of stress but it was something that was short term so I would end up stopping eating during the test times & ended up loosing quite a bit but it would get over with as soon as the exams were done.....(not an ED at that point but disordered eating).

Later on in life several things hit at a time that were major stress & had no end & the sick feel hit & also the not eating. It got so bad that I ended up in the medical hospital needing IV nutrition....but part of what happened was that as I saw the weight going lower, I wanted it to keep going to it ended up feeding on itself (or maybe I should say..not feeding). The stress didn't end because it was the situation I was living in & couldn't do anything about it.

I did recover many years later....but then just 10 years ago, another serious stressor hit my life & I lost all that I had gained & ended up back in the medical hospital at the time of my mother's funeral. The situation that triggered the anorexia also caused PTSD & I was a total mess....but eating was the last thing I felt like doing & it was the last thting I did. It took me years to recover from that I just when I feel recovered, there are some major stressors that are hitting me again & not feeling like eating

I needed therapy more to deal with the stressors than I needed to deal with the anorexia because most of the time there are serious underlying issues that need to be resolved before the ED can ever be addressed successfully.

You seriously need a good T & then someone like a nutritionist to hold you accountable for your eating.

Having a new baby & it sounds like you don't have a H....is a huge stressor though it's wonderful to be a mother...but you need some help to be able to deal with all the stress issues you are dealing with.

[Crazy Hitch]

It's not uncommon to have a relapse after a baby. Our bodies do all sorts of things physically, hormonally not to mention emotionally when we are pregnant

The fact that you've beat this before is testament to the fact that you have it within you to be happy and healthy again.

Best wishes to you moving forward.