I am so afraid to tell anyone my horrible secret. I stopped self injuring years ago, but recently I am not doing so well. Everyone in my life keeps saying how I am doing well and coping well. I'm not. I think I may have traded SI in for an obcession with how many calories I eat in a day and how much exercise I can fit into a day. Also if thoes calories and plus some are burnt from the exercise. I was running at 3 in the morning. I know this is not normal. Its the only thing I have control over right know. I will be the perfect model thin wife, best mom, with the cleanest house. I am so afraid to ask for help or admit I am not doing well because of all the positive uplifting support I am getting from everyone.

[MountainGirl]

People should not stop giving your positive support because you ask for help. Please ask your doctor for help. Maybe you and your doctor can work it out to where you can work on this problem so that you do not have to let anyone other than your doctor know about it. Let the doc know that you are afraid to let anyone besides him/her know about this problem because of all of the support that you are receiving with regards to stopping the SI. Please get help. You can PM me if you need to talk, and I will answer as soon as I get it.

Take Care,
MG

[lil_bit]

Sometimes an ED can be regarded as a form of SI. It is very much harmful to the self...also you mentioned that it is the only thing you have control over. Control is often a main trigger of ED, take a closer look at your life. We are only human, and we overlook the littlest things that can mean so much sometimes.

I agree with MountainGirl, talk to your doctor. It's great that you have moved away from the SI, please though just try not to move onto anything equally or more dangerous to yourself.

twirls,

so sorry you are suffering with this. I think its a good idea to ask for help. Do you know where to find a therapist? You can move beyond this!!

My pdoc seems to thing this is stemming off of my need to control everything. I have what she called OCD traits, but she did not realize how serious this was getting. (Other things besides eating that I am trying to control) She is going to talk with my treatment team and see if they can find a way of helping me. Hopefully they dont stick me in a hospital. Thanks for the support.

[eskielover]

Twirls,

Just thought you would like to be reassured that they usually don't stick people in the hospital eating issues until your weight becomes dangerously low & physically unstable. They try everything they can to treat eating disorders as outpatients.

The hospital stays are quite costly & most insurances don't cover treatment centers at all.....needless to say, I have gone down that route. The treatment center had funds set up for people who needed help & didn't have any money to pay......I was there for about 1 month....during Thanksgiving & Christmas about 10 years ago. That was a nightmare experience, & it would have been much better to have been able to handle it as an outpatient, but I only weighed 82 at the time.....(mind you, I am only 5'2" anyway) but that was way to low even for my height.

They have come a long way in treating ED's since that time, so I am sure you will be able to get all the help from your treatment team outside of the hospital environment.

Take care,
Debbie