[Blue_Bird]

I ate a whole box of cereal throughout the middle of the night, so pissed at myself.

[Gr3tta_0]

I am cooking renal diet for my wife. All the tracking nutrients and measuring everything has been incredibly triggering. But i want to donate my kidney, if not to her directly, then through the swap program, and i know they won't take it if I've relapsed. It's very difficult.

[Starving2death]

I have active anorexia nervosa. I wanted to see if this thread had any recent entries. Anyway I'm checking in because I just joined PC again for the first time in years.

I'm doing very poorly due to malnutrition. This has led to major depression coming alive.

I'm just so tired that I just wanna lay down and stop living. I feel out of touch with the world. Maybe it'll get better.

[eskielover]

I found that having many interests & being heavely involved in the community I moved to & leaving the stress of that life behind it has been much easier to eat healthier. I was recovering from my last anorexia time after going through a trauma when I moved here 10 years ago to my new farm. For some reason having my dogs & animals being totally dependent on only me (living alone) for care has made me more conscious of caring for myself....not gaining too much or losing too much but staying at a healthy weight....i feel so much better about life which translates into feeling better about food & just me....never thought leaving a bad environment would make that much difference

[em124]

Hi there,
I have struggled with an eating disorder (Anorexia) and body image distortion for quite some time now, and I am despartely in need of some support. I am so scared of gaining weight, afraid that if I don't live up to my minds expectations of myself- I will not be happy. I am scared to look at myself in the mirror in fear that I might find parts of my body looking different than it did the night before because of what I ate that day/night. I associate eating less = more will power and success=which will lead me to achieving my goal of maintaining the ideal weight/body shape I have and want. One of my biggest issues right now is being very busy at work, and eating very little throughout the day (due to lack of time), and so when I get home I am really hungry and usually tend to eat more than what I had during the day. Having more of an empty stomach when I get home makes me want to eat an extra portion - creating fear and anxiety that I overstuffed my body and now my body is going to hold it all in as extra weight bc it was not used to having that much food in my stomach. I just create all this fear for myself when I am not sure if it is necessary---I don't even know what is normal anymore.

[eskielover]

Therapy is good place to work through these issues. they are personal issues that only we can resolve ourselves with the help of a good T working with us.

[Starving2death]

So it's two days later than my last post. Still feel the same and that's unfortunate. I'm leaving to see my sister so I can try to break the current episode of not eating so I will survive. I know it's a bit redundant but I need to let it out.

My brain is really messed up. I'm thinking about doing a water-only fast to see how long I will live without food. Not to kill myself, but to see how long I can hold out before I give in. I figure I'll give in at some point.

[eskielover]

Give in or collapse from mal-nutrition & end up in the hospital with a feeding tube or a central line for IV nutrition. Been there, done that....the results aren't nice.

[-Astral-]

Eating like a ****ing big yesterday and today and tomorrow am going to a church thing that has cake and am going to eat like a pig again

[Gr3tta_0]

I am very hungry and it is comforting.

[eskielover]

Stress, hot weather, & pain issues have made eating more difficult & have lost some of my gained weight. Still in healthy range & plan on staying there . Went out to eat with friends yesterday & my body didn't handle eating that amount of food very well. Brought home some of the food for a later snack. I hate when things hit like this. So much better controlling my weight with healthier eating rather than not feeling like eating. Food is the first thing that seems to go for me when stress gets high & too many decisions need to be made that I have to struggle with making.

[Gr3tta_0]

I really do not want to relapse in case i need to donate a kidney.

But if i already can't i don't care.

Sitting on the fence is painful.

[eskielover]

The logical mind wonders if it's important to be healthy to donate a kidney for someone else's life, isn't it just as important to be healthy for your own life?....it's obvious it's NOT our logical mind in charge of our eating issues.

[Gr3tta_0]

My pcp listed anorexia as a final diagnosis after my last visit even though she didn't say one word to me about my weight being too low or ask me one question about my eating.
This infuriates me.

[LucyD]

I am back. I am sorry I was rude and judgemental last time I was here. I hope you all can forgive me. I haven't been back sooner because I felt too bad.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I am back. I am sorry I was rude and judgemental last time I was here. I hope you all can forgive me. I haven't been back sooner because I felt too bad.

Welcome back !!!!
Dont worry.....we all go through FEELING the way you felt at times..... I know I have felt the same way sometimes.

You always add great thoyghts to this forum so Im glad you got through feeling bad & came back. Many times our view of what we did is much rkugher on ourselves than anything others even might think.....welcome back

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

My pcp listed anorexia as a final diagnosis after my last visit even though she didn't say one word to me about my weight being too low or ask me one question about my eating.
This infuriates me.

The PCP I had the last time my anorexia got bad told me that the only thing that was his job was to monitor my weight & my bloodwork because it was his place ONLY to care for the medical side of the anorexia & not the psycholigical side. That was the responsibility of my psychologist.

He had commented only once about my loss of weight when he was doing the after care from my hospitalization for asthma caused by forest fire smoke. If I hadnt been going back to him after that he never would have been noticing.

I went through a trauma during that time on top of everything else which triggered the anorexia even worse & I ended up having to be medically hospitalized for the anorexia because I was so anemic. He never really coordinated with my own pdoc & it was then he commented that his only job was to make sure I was medically stable which was when he did the IV nutrition after my moms funeral & all kinds of tests while i was in the hosputal to make sure there was no physical cause for my lack of eating. He also brought in the hospitals staff pdoc & psychologist to talk & work with me during the several months I was in & out of the medical hospital. Once he had me medically stable & knew the results of the tests showed it was nit physical....he had nithing mire to do with my anorexia.

So I sort of understand if your PCP has the same philosophy as mine did why he reacted that was but I understand how infuriated you feel also....like why dont you care. Sometimes we just really need someone to care. Know that was part of my issues along with stress which always causes me to lose my appetite & long term stress is the worst.

[Anonymous37919]

Anyone watch WWE SummerSlam?

Braun-freaking-Strowman...

[Gr3tta_0]

Originally Posted by eskielover

The PCP I had the last time my anorexia got bad told me that the only thing that was his job was to monitor my weight & my bloodwork because it was his place ONLY to care for the medical side of the anorexia & not the psycholigical side. That was the responsibility of my psychologist.

He had commented only once about my loss of weight when he was doing the after care from my hospitalization for asthma caused by forest fire smoke. If I hadnt been going back to him after that he never would have been noticing.

I went through a trauma during that time on top of everything else which triggered the anorexia even worse & I ended up having to be medically hospitalized for the anorexia because I was so anemic. He never really coordinated with my own pdoc & it was then he commented that his only job was to make sure I was medically stable which was when he did the IV nutrition after my moms funeral & all kinds of tests while i was in the hosputal to make sure there was no physical cause for my lack of eating. He also brought in the hospitals staff pdoc & psychologist to talk & work with me during the several months I was in & out of the medical hospital. Once he had me medically stable & knew the results of the tests showed it was nit physical....he had nithing mire to do with my anorexia.

So I sort of understand if your PCP has the same philosophy as mine did why he reacted that was but I understand how infuriated you feel also....like why dont you care. Sometimes we just really need someone to care. Know that was part of my issues along with stress which always causes me to lose my appetite & long term stress is the worst.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate you sharing your story.

But you misunderstood my post. Or i wasn't clear. I wasn't mad she didn't care, i was mad she put the dx on there. I don't think it belongs on there. That's what upset me.
Its like she listed cancer as a dx but never ordered a biopsy, or mentioned it was a concern.
Hopefully that says it better.

[Blue_Bird]

No bingeing or purging for 73 days. But I want cheesecake dammit. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning and probably won't till tomorrow afternoon (not on purpose, I have no food) just hoping I don't pass put or something that would be embarrassing. I have peanut butter left so I can eat a few spoonfuls of that. Again this is not on purpose, I just have an extremely limited food budget. My foodstamps come I'm Saturday thankfully.