[meinct]

I've been struggling with an eating disorder for about 15 years. I was a rail thin kid - could and did eat anything in site without gaining weight. When I was 26 and had my daughter, my metabolism changed - dramatically. Everything I ate turned to fat and for the first time in my life - I was overweight. About 50 pounds overweight to be exact. I did weight watchers - I LOVED the process - the meetings, the support, the attention I got - the people that listened. I met my goal and felt horrified - OH GOD - I dont *need* to be here anymore - now what? Dieting had become my lifes focus - I finally *fit in somehwere*. I gained 50 pounds back then did the south beach diet - I LOVED it - I joined the online site - posted, answered questions, got guidance -I was my online family. I met my goal, cancelled my online membership (dont need to spend $5 a week I dont have if I 'm not overweight) - well, I'm 20 pounds heavier again - eating my way back to what the next diet will be. I will make a long story short - grew up in a VERY dysfunctional family - parents both died while I was young, only brother is in jail and I truly have no friends. I dont got out, dont socilaize, am not involved in anything. I am raising two kids alone and spend every minute at home. Dieting is my connection to people and by gaining I give myself a "justification" to spend the money I truly dont have because I need to lose weight. I know food wont solve my problems or take away my lonliness, but thats the logical me - not the me in the middle of a massive binge. How do I stop this cycle?

[ickydog2006]

Have you tried joining a recovery group. They are free and can give you that attention/connection with people you are desiring. You also might consider getting involved with volunteer work. It sounds like your schedule is pretty booked, but volunteering can also create a second sort of family too.

[Rapunzel]

You seem to need to be involved in support groups. Maybe you could look into codependents anonymous, or a 12-step group for survivors of dysfunctional families. There is also this online family right here. Service and volunteering are another good option. What goals do you have for your life? Anything you always wanted to do? Maybe you can get involved in a group or team with a common objective - an educational or career group, or action committee. Or maybe Toastmasters (about public speaking - many of them start from being afraid of public speaking). I'd suggest getting involved in a group that has a focused purpose other than dieting. And therapy is another option, in addition to support groups.