Do I have anorexia or BDD or neither?

Do I have anorexia or BDD or neither?

Here's what I'm experiencing:

I desire to be as thin and lean as possible without sacrificing my health.

I restrict my calories and types of foods.

I currently am *** and **** lbs

I weigh myself everyday

I don't feel ashamed or guilty about eating or my weight, I just simply want to manifest my personal beauty ideal.

I don't perceive myself as "fat" but as far as visual shape goes I see myself as "average" despite having slightly underweight BMI.

I don't excessively exercise but I do try to go on a long walk every single day (1-5 miles depending on the day)

I am not experiencing any kind of negative physical ailments due to eating restrictions.

I am not loosing weight quickly but I am very very slowly.

My goal isn't super weight oriented , it's more shape oriented, but loosing weight is always an extremely happy thing for me. If I had to choose a weight I would never allow myself to go under it would be *** lbs.

I get really depressed when I eat too many calories or gain even a small amount of weight. I just want to reach my ideal body and it's really hard to.

I can have emotional binges where I will eat a ton of larabars (ingredients: dates and nuts, sometimes with chocolate chips, very high in calories). I do not purge. But I will intermittent fast to "correct" my binges.

I do have a very hard time perceiving my body and face. I can't tell how the average human would perceive me. I can't tell if I'm just "eh" or "average" or if people actually see me as thin.

Besides body weight/shape, I struggle with how my face looks. I think it looks horrible half the time. The eyes are too close together, the nose is shaped awful. My teeth and lips are grossly shaped. In reality I don't perceive my face or body as "ugly" relative to the rest of the world- if I compare it to EVERYONE I see myself as either average or above average. But the thing is- I'm not satisfied with that at all. I must be the highest level of beauty (according to my own taste) or I feel extremely uncomfortable. I do have "good" days though where I can see myself as good looking. It's not reliable at all though, especially when being triggered.

My triggers are seeing females I perceive as more beautiful than me (in person, online, in media, even in anime) or having others see those females

Not feeling like I'm at that level of beauty that I want causes many disruptions in my life. I will avoid social events. Sometimes I force myself to go but every single time I am severely stressed out the entire time and can't enjoy a single moment. I avoid other girls who I perceive as of a higher level of beauty than me. I won't be their friend, and I get extremely extremely stressed out if I'm out in public with my boyfriend and a girl like that is even within viewing range of him. I absolutely cannot have him being friends with any girl who I categorize as of higher beauty than me.
I even get stressed out if he is viewing a celebrity online or in a concert or in artwork that I see as more beautiful than me. Even anime characters. But it's not just when my boyfriend is around- even if its no one but me and the attractive girl- I feel extremely stressed out and uncomfortable and my thoughts are constantly focused on comparisons and how much I NEED to change.

I can't tell if I qualify for anorexia or BDD based on the online criteria descriptions. Both of them I lack some key features of, at least I think. I'm tired of not having a word for this problem I have and want others I can relate to.

I don't even want to change though. I HAVE to reach my goal. But I'm also suffering...

I want to change what I can (weight/shape) but be able to not get triggered and suffer and ruin all my experiences. I haven't had fun in years. I can't just enjoy myself like a normal person. I can't go to a concert or a party and be entertained like a normal person, I'm just constantly suffering through it because I'm so dissatisfied with how I look.

Just wanted to let you know that I find myself in your words...