[poenoeman]

I have been seeing this girl for the last six months. I only realized she had an eating disorder when I saw her in her bathing suit and pictures from her past. I love her so much, but being with her is so confusing. it is like being with two different people. She has her warm loving side that really wants to help herself get better, but she will also swap over to the coldest most closed up person in a matter of seconds. She knows she has a problem, but she doesn't know what to do herself, the more I try to help the more it feels to me like I am just messing her up even more. I don't know what I would do without her, but being with her is putting so much strain on me mentally and also on our relationship. Should I stick around, is my being there helping her and making a difference? Should I just go and leave her... i really don't know what to do, PLZ HELP

[smiley1984]

It is wonderful that you want to help her, because it will be a long and not always happy journey.

When she yells/is cold at you, it is her illness talking, not her. She is still that warm loving girl you knew, but is in a lot of pain.
Friends/families may love and do their best to help them but this is a serious illness and can't be handled by untrained loved ones. Trying to force feed her and reassure her that she is not fat will just cause you to become more upset and frustrated, and victims will become more secretive and lying to avoid food. The most helpful thing you could do is get her into some type of treatment and be there to support her through it. It is not your job to fix her but you can really help by being there.
People say that the earlier you seek treatment, the better the outcome. Is she seeing anyone? could you possibly take her to the doctor, because there is probably a small part of her that wants help but you can't provide it.

And also just as importantly is to look after yourself. What use will you be if you get worn out?

Good Luck, you are doing really well asking for advice

[poenoeman]

thank you for replying. Yes she was seeing some doctor or psychiatrist before I met her but she said they just told her things she already knows and that they didn't help her much.

[LivinWithED]

If you really care about her, you will stick with her because you know that she is a good person at heart. Just like the last person said, it's not her talking when she's cold to you, it's the disorder. I know first hand. I can be a ***** when i am on a binge. Anyone that tried to help me is just going to get yelled at. Your girlfriend might not binge but when she feels "sick" she will get testy. When i was annorexic (before i became bulimic) i used to get very angry if something didn't go my way. If i wanted to go for a run and my family wanted me to help them with something, i got irritated. You have to give her some space, but still let her know that you're there and you care.

[zombiette]

i think it depends where you can see this relationship going in the future...i can't answer whether you should stay or go, that's a difficult call and only you can decide that. yes, you probably are making a difference as supportive ppl are a great help to recovery...i used to be anorexic and the worst thing for me was ppl treated me with such disdain and fear, nobody wanted me. BUT don't think that you are going to be able to "save" her...it's her responsibility to get better, you can only help along the way. also remember that if this gets to much for u, you can leave the relationship at any point. hope this helps