Eating Disorder..... don't you wish...

Don't you wish... that you had never heard those words... I do....

Wishes... wouldn't it be so very nice.. if wishes could actually be granted?

If I had one wish... I would say... " make me normal "....

Then... you know what? I would probably still have an eating disorder.. because it has become the norm...

You can't tell it right now... perhaps...

I hurt... I hurt a great deal...

I want to "run away" from my ED... and see if it can catch up with me...

sort of like the "Gingerbread Man"... it was my son's favorite book... the phrase.. "run, run.. as fast you can"... always comes to mind...I always read that book to him....

eating... the "simplest" thing on the face of the earth... and yet the "hardest" thing to do on the face of the earth...

and "eating disorder" the most mis-understood illness on the face of the earth...

for me... I would like to punish the person(s) that gave me... the circumstances for an eating disorder to develop... instead of punishing me..

yes..the person and persons that hurt me in my childhood... but I also know.. my kind heart would say "that is ok, I forgive you"... and I would mean it....

perhaps.. that is why... I continue to "punish" me.... I don't know...

this is the end of the ramblings.. of the me that hurts... the me that no one wants to listen to... the me.. that does not count...

when... will "I" count... and... I ask myself... if "I" did "count".. would it matter... would "I" know it???

hurting... and just... hurting...some more....

o darling i hear your pain, but you must keep fighting! you are such a strong person to still be here, to still have made it in this mostly cruel world.

and maybe one day you wont have to fight any more, maybe one day your wish will come true, but the only way to receive that wish is to fight each and every day

im so sorry that you feel so bad

(((((freewill))))))

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I can relate in many ways. It's so hard.