Any older people here?

I'm middle aged, and had been in remission for about a decade, when it all hit me again this spring. This time, it feels worse, both because I'm so much more aware of what's happening, what I'm doing to myself, and because it's so shameful to fall into this prison again.

The worst parts of it are that it's having a negative effect on treating my comorbid depression, and the pdoc and therapist I was seeing didn't address it at all -- largely because they subscribed to the old theory about "lack of insight" being a central issue in EDs. ("If you can say that this is an eating disorder, then it's not an eating disorder..." How recursive!) At this point, I'm having a hard time taking anti-depressants, because I'm so afraid of gaining weight; the one drug that was helping is probably contra-indicated because my weight has dropped so much; I'm having a very difficult time discussing this in therapy or with the pdoc because I don't *want* treatment if it means gaining weight -- which, by definition, it does; and I'm feeling as if I'm locked in a prison cell that I've built myself. And, of course, I feel so isolated, because this is a "teenager" problem, so middle aged women aren't supposed to have these problems.

Are there any others like me, who are older? Especially if you have had this problem in the past, been through remission, and then had it hit you again?

Thanks!

I am not in my middle age years yet but I do understand what u are going through. I will be 29 at the end of this month. I have struggled with ED for many years. I have gone into remission before and it has hit me again.
Who ever told u this is a "teenage" problem?? I know others who range in ages with this disorder.
I understand what u are saying about the meds. They have so many side effects which are negative. But I guess u have to look at whats the best for you.
I am on prozac for my depression and ED. This drug has caused me to go on the other spectrum. It has suppressed my appetite. Although I was really hungry last night, but it didnt last long. I have not eaten in 6days, but last night was the first time I felt hungry.

Please let us know what u decide. Keep posting, I hope u find it helpful.

justy

Im almost 27, but battling an ED is new for me. Feel free to let me know if you wanna chat.

I'm 33. It's interesting to see everybody's ages. I mostly picked up my bad habits during a bad marriage.

27 here....dealt with eating disorders as a teen and eating problems have resurfaced along with a relapse of depression. I am starting OA to deal with it. Eating disorders are often associated with teenagers but are pretty common in older women as well, especially if you include compulsive overeating in the definition.

I saw an article recently about eating disorder incidence through different age ranges...if I can find the link I'll post it.

Good luck!

-apislily

Hello Genevieve! I've not posted at this ED forum before but I am 45 anorexia in remission for about a decade. Slipping back into ole ways here too you're not alone. Glad you posted.
mlyn

Thank you to everyone who has answered so far.

Mlyn, how long have you struggled with this? And what's started you slipping back now? I was pretty well free of this for about a decade -- although stress has always resulted in periods of eating less, but never for more than a brief period during that time. This year, though, it hit again -- and it hit very hard. And what sort of treatment have you had? What worked for you to bring you into remission? I've never had any effective treatment for this. So far, the doctor will just put me on anti-depressants -- comorbid depression -- which have always made me gain a lot of weight. Often, the weight gain has come on before the anti-depressant effects, leading me to much worse depression, and then apathy. This time around, I'd just as soon deal with this directly, get whatever help I can get, and maybe keep it from ever happening again.

Honestly, I was convinced that this would never again be a problem for me. I was careful about some things -- not having a scale at home, turning my back on the scale at the doctor's office, getting rid of most of my thin clothes, etc. I told my husband that I would not diet, because of this, but would try to eat sensibly and limit the goodies when I gained a half ton on the ADs. You know, I was reasonable about it, but felt safe. When this hit, it was like a tidal wave. At first, I was sure that it was going to be a short thing, like the other stressful periods in the past decade, but now it's just grown into a monster.

Thanks.

I could not really say how long I've had ED but struggeled with it since the age of 27. That was the age that it was getting hard to ignore what people were saying. I have been trying to share with you more but each time I write it evidently hits a nerve inside and then the mind (have DID) gets very noisy. Feel like I'm being pulled in many directions so I need to take a break. I really do want to share more but it will have to be little at a time. So I'll say, "To be continued"
mlyn

mlyn, I thank you for anything you can offer. Please don't feel pressured to do more at any one time than you can manage -- believe me, I know how difficult it can be, especially that feeling of having something that you should do hanging over your head when you don't feel up to doing it. If you can tell me anything, I'll be happy to read it. You're also welcome to PM me if you find it easier.

Thank you

Gaining 40 lbs after quitting smoking has got me slipping backwards. (I ended up going the other way Overeating getting relief from food ) Now I've been going in the opposite direction. I even get upset because my body will not allow me to go with out atleast one meal a day without getting headache, nausea, dizzy and very shaky. I know that can be a good thing atleast it helps remind me I need something in my system which is better than nothing. I was never a purger but the thaught has been there a lot It's a fight.
Never had treatment or counseling for ED other than counselors saying I need to take a look at it. The treatments Ive been in plus counseling and programs I've attended for addictions and co-dependancy etc.. seemed to all deal with things like selfesteem, selfworth which helped plus what got me to beable to actually start eating agin was in AA they have this thing called H.A.L.T. They say to make sure that you do not get to Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Those things are stressors on mental well being and can set you up. Well usally by the time I'd think of it I was all the above and Hungry well I did not eat much if any for days. I met a lady who was not an eater too so we helped to remind each other that we needed to eat. Eventually I was able to be aware that I needed to eat and then started the process of getting my body adjusted to eating at least once a day which was big step and long process which I'm sure you understand expecially the moments of gaining weight. It's hard to write about this but I know it helps me to look at it too.
mlyn

mlyn, thank you.

As a teen, I'd go days without eating, but as an adult -- during my second and third episodes of anorexia -- I've always eaten at least three meals a day. How can there be anything wrong with me, since I eat three meals a day, right? I don't have a problem -- I eat three meals a day, after all. You know, the rationalizations. Every so often, I'd add up my calories from my three meals, and come up with about 300 to 500 calories per day, but mostly I wouldn't let myself think about that. I'd just think how good I was being about "eating sensibly", not "overindulging myself" with food, etc, and therefore not getting fat the way other people did. Of course, I'm also fairly obsessed by food -- so that reminds me to eat every day. About two hours before most meals, I start thinking about it, obsessing about it, trying to decide what to eat, etc. I don't think I could just forget to eat, although I do tell my husband that I've "forgotten" to have lunch when he expressed concern that I haven't had it yet at 4PM.

This time around, I'm much more aware of what's going on, but even so can't stop it. Most days, I promise myself that I will eat more, that I will have an extra snack, or that I'll eat a whole sandwich instead of half, etc. But, when it comes time to do it, I can't make myself do it.

A big part of the problem, of course, is that I really don't want to gain weight. I know that we found a good, healthy weight for me about fifty pounds heavier than I am now. At that weight, I don't think much about my weight, or what my body looks like, I don't stress about food, just eat when I want to, and I eat what I want without really thinking about it too much. And I'm healthy, too! Much more energy, able to do things I can't do now, hardly ever get a headache or sick, etc. But even knowing that, I can't put it together with eating more now, or with allowing the needle on the scale to start moving up again.

I just finally admitted to my therapist that I have this problem. I don't know how she's going to handle it, but I know that she will. It's so frightening, though! I just don't want to give it up! Even though I do want to give it up, of course.

Man, this is one confusing thing to be hit by, ain't it? Thanks again for sharing with me.

Have you been to the somethingfishy site? I just found it here and it looks like it will be a good place. Has more info.
[url=http://www.something-fishy.org/default.php[/url]

Hi, you are definitely not alone having an eating disorder and being middle aged. I am 46 and was diagnosed with anorexia this past spring. The problem is that I've been living like this for so many years that I'm still having trouble believing that I really have a disorder. I don't purge; I guess I restrict, and I exercise a lot, and I am kind of obsessed with bad feelings whenever I eat. Also, people are so used to seeing me "skinny" that most of them don't think I have a problem either. I understand you when you talk about it being a teenage problem. I think there are many many middle aged women who have an eating disorder in some form and who have never acknowledged it or had anyone mention it to them. We are the generation that grew up in the Twiggy era, when super thin was just becoming fashionable, and when nobody had really heard much about eating disorders. I think society has had a big influence on how we women see our bodies. Many of us feel like we can never be thin enough. As we get older, it is natural and normal to gain weight; it is expected. A middle aged woman who weighs 100 looks different than a teenager who weighs 100! But I don't/won't accept that I'm supposed to weigh more, just because I'm older. I kind of know that my thinking doesn't make sense, but being thin is one of very few things that seems to make me feel good - or at least not as depressed. I was in a partial hospitalization program this summer, but I left. My therapist has told my insurance company that I need to be hospitalized if they won't continue to pay for me to see him on an outpatient basis.
Please write back; I'm curious how the middle age thing affects you and the way you see your body, weight, etc.

I know what you mean about why should you weigh more just because you are older. I feel the same way. I'm 33. I don't want to "age" like traditional women do and gain weight. I feel like being skinny is the good thing to be. I like to tell my self when I restrict that it's healthy. I know its not. It affects my heart and muscles and arthritis. I may be skinny and "young" on the outside, but inside it's making my body age so much older.

How does it affect me now? Well, that's a very tough one for me, because about the only "treatment" I've had for this so far has been anti-depressant medications -- I also suffer depression -- and those caused so much weight gain that the people around me were complaining I was too fat. Now, though, those same people are yelling at me that I"m too thin. (One actually had the gall to yell -- not say, but yell -- that I must be anorexic! Um, hello? Like for 27 years now? Except when I'm on medications and you tell me I'm too fat?)

It upsets me a lot, actually, because when I was younger, and I really did think that I was OK and everyone was just jealous because I didn't have a weight problem -- you know, when I really *needed* some sort of intervention -- no one said a word. No one saw any problems. Now, though, when I'm an adult, when I'm married and my husband can take on the responsibility for telling me he thinks there's a problem, NOW my family tries to step in. The same family member who used to compliment me on my slim figure, and tell other close relatives to look at me to find out how to maintain a nice figure now complains that I need to eat more. The other family member, who told me that I couldn't have an eating disorder -- back in my mid teens when maybe it could have been nipped in the bud -- because there was nothing wrong with me, she asked timidly recently if I was anorexic -- I didn't answer.

I guess I'm pretty angry about it, really, because I don't feel able to say, "Do you think that teasing me about how I looked throughout my childhood and adolescence could have had anything to do with this? And that maybe you're not the ones to be jumping in now?" Sure, you tell me I'm too fat, then I'm too thin, and when I needed help you were silent!

Sorry. Today is a very bad day. Anger is way up, because of something that happened today, totally unrelated.

I'm glad I'm not alone, though.

I'm 41 and am brand new here. I fear I am anorexic. I posted about myself today on this board under "Is it anorexia or my "other" disease. Almost everything I read said that this was a teen disease, but I don;t think that's true, and I don't think they should be writing that on all the web pages I've been to.
Best wishes for you,
WendySmiling

Hi Wendy,

Welcome to the forum. You will find that the people here are very supportive & have many ideas for assistance. Quite a few of us meet the older category. I haven't posted under this thread yet but am 51 & have dealt with anorexia or as defined in the DSM - IV EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) for the past 9 years. Or that was when it was decided that I had a diagnosed problem. I never had all the required symptoms to actually diagnose it as anorexia, so fell under the catch all category. It started with the taking of Prozac & Wellbutrin...the loss of appetite, days without eating, exercise, 16 lbs below my minimum safe body weight, & oh yes, excessive exercise when I wasn't passing out. (The exercise was riding my horse so that was pretty unsafe being that is was a long way to the ground if I did pass out (it never happened luckily)). I must add that I was also suicidal with my major depression recurrent that started in 1994, so really didn't care what happened to me. Looking back, the anorexia was there from childhood. I could go days without eating but couldn't get away with it often at home. I never wanted to be fat like I saw the rest of my family as being, so desparately tried as hard as I could to not. As I got older, I found ways to not eat & exercise instead like a hard hour of racquettball with the guys...(girls just didn't play hard enough for me to lose weight). The concept of getting old & fat like the rest of my family was absolutely repulsive.

When the meds effected me with the loss of appetite, I jumped at the chance to lose weight, & lose some more...until I just wasn't there...then maybe it would all go away. Unfortunately, I was hospitalized at the Radar Institute for eating disorders for a month. I didn't help because I didn't want it to. Battled on, then like Genevieve, the weight just came back on without my really knowing how (actually it was meds & migraines where I couldn't get out of bed)...I was then FAT (80 lbs more than my lowest weight). Too thin, too fat...no one was happy, especially me with the "fat". As soon as the migraines were under control & I stopped taking meds because I never found one without a bad side effect let alone any that worked, I was able to start exercising again about a year ago. The weight began to fall off but it seemed at a safe rate..not bad. Then came summer & the heat & sweating with dehydration. I would sometimes lose 5 lbs in a day & couldn't drink it back on. Then came a mild heat stroke with the nausea, lack of appetite, problems swollowing, & the weight really started coming off. That was when my GP noticed "a weight loss". I realized that I was in the same mind set as before...and well, that is where I am today...still losing weight, Dr's telling me not to lose any more, only this time my GP, psychologist, & pdoc are all in on the trying to treat me before I get to the point I was last time. I know that the best thing for me to do is eat or take the med my pdoc wants me to take, but I really don't want to gain any weight. I really would like to lose some more & hope that my body will find that stable place where I am somewhat satisfied, I can continue to function, & I don't need meds. Oh yes, & the Dr's will quit bugging me. I really don't know if I can do it myself, but the hope is there.

Wendy, I will have to read your post. Sorry I didn't before seeing this one & responding. Hopefully we all can be of help to each other. Genevieve is a great person to communicate with. She is full of great ideas & very supportive.

Looking forward to communicating with you.
Debbie

dear Genevieve ... I have read a couple of your posts and I would be very interested if you could take some time out and fill out the below survey for my college paper.. thank you,

(this is from my post)
Dear readers,

I'm currently doing a research paper on Anorexia & Bulemia. Yet, one the most vital aspect of the paper comes from the surveys that I have to conduct. I have realized that it is very difficult getting a one on one survey done, therefore I would like to ask if any of you could please take a minute or two to help me out. The survey is completely confidential and if any one of you would like I could email the final copy of my paper to you so you could read it for yourselves. Anyways, thank again very much, here are the questions:
1. What is your definition of beauty?

2. Do you watch TV, if so what is your favorite TV show?

3. What is the most important thing for you in your life?

4. Do you have any hobbies, if so what kind?

5. Who is your idol/role model?

6. What would you change about yourself if you could?

7. Do you think that today’s media portrays the ideal image of a woman as being thin and beautiful? If so, why or why not?

lianca, I've sent you a private message with my answers. I hope it helps.

Genevieve - Did you explain that *I* am your role model?