[inkblot]

I think my T is a little concerned about my eating habits and moods. I was honest with him, and I am very glad he didn't ask what tricks I used to lose the 10 pounds in 2 days a couple weeks ago. I did something similar the month before that, too. My weight is always up and down. Emotional eating or emotional non-eating. He asked if I am ever hungry but don't eat. I admitted yes. I know he'd have asked to determine if an ED or depression was behind that. I know that with an ED, you are still hungry and want food. You just don't let yourself have it. It's funny, but I made very little eye contact with him except for when this subject came up. Then I looked up more and was kind of happy, I smiled--like I was proud. I haven't been eating as much the past few days. Today I haven't eaten anything--not since yesterday morning. I've been drinking water and diet soda, but that's all I've had. I'm over my preferred max weight by 5 pounds today, and I'd rather it be gone. He asked what did I feel my ideal weight was, but all I answered was my max weight. He asked if I knew what my weight should be on the weight tables, so I rattled off the low and high ranges, plus that for medium builds. He was like so I am 10 pounds underweight. I've got a feeling with the slight changes he seemed to be yesterday, that he's going to drive me nuts if I lose even just a few pounds more than I should. I can't help but to wonder if I'd be able to hide it. I also wonder when the time will come that he'll test me and put me on the scale in the office. I know its better to change, but this is one way how I have dealt with stress for a long time.