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#1
Oct 01, 2004, 11:02 PM
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Something happened today that upset me a great deal. I was actually pretty good today -- ate extra, had some V-8 for extra nutrition -- but now I feel as if I have to "make up" for it, by eating less. The anger, upset, and stress of the thing that happened just makes me feel as if I have to suck my skin back down over my bones again. As if eating will turn everything inside me into rotten blackness.
How do you handle things that trigger you like this? This is the sort of thing that made me call this "The Beast" when my old therapist and I would talk about it.. It feels as if, even when I want to recover, The Beast is trying to find a way to survive -- by leaping and roaring when something upsets me, or maybe just because, when something upsets me, I'm distracted enough that it can come back out. Oh, hell. Maybe this will pass. Maybe tomorrow I'll be better about it. Damn it all.
__________________
There is no heroic poem in the world but is at bottom a biography, the life of a man; also, it may be said there is no life of a man, faithfully recorded, but is a heroic poem of its sort, rhymed or unrhymed. Thomas Carlyle in essay on Sir Walter Scott |
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