[eskielover]

Hi all,
I am new at this forum but have looked it over & it seems that there are many that support & many need support. I will introduce myself & hope for some comments & suggestions.

The last time I experienced my eating disorder, it made sense to me. I was in major depression/anxiety, didn't have work to turn to, have a lousy marriage from the beginning, was suicidal (several close attempts), & just didn't care. The meds I was put on, caused a lack of appetite & I went with it since I was always struggling to lose weight & not be like my family. Besides, if I died from an eating disorder, it wouldn't be as hard for my family as if I overdosed (what lousy logic!!!).

I ended up in a treatment hospital when my psychiatrist finally realized what was happening. It did no good & for the next year I was in & out of the med hospital. They did central lines in order to get the nutritional fluid into my body, & of course any thing that could happen with a central line, did.

I really don't know how I got out of that cycle, but it must not have been anything I did. My migraines got so bad they were 24/7 at pain level 10. (what a trade off!!!). After many procedures, & years, I found a pain specialist who was willing to give me my "quality of life" back. It actually worked. I got my depression/anxiety somewhat under control, & even decided to go back to college to find a new career to take me through retirement.

I continue to realize that my marriage is nothing but on paper. The attitude causes some depression & chest pains. I had found a new psychiatrist & psychologist a few years ago towards the end of the eating problem. I just started going to a new GP this summer, when my health started to change. I had severe bronchitis due to the smoke from a bad brush fire. My new GP hospitalized me & when I got out, a few days later, I had a sun/heat problem (mild sun stroke). The dehydration made it hard to swollow & I had a hard time eating without feeling nausea. I started losing weight, & I liked seeing the scales go down. It gave me a sense of control again.

On a recheck, my GP noticed the weight loss. He mentioned it to me & said he didn't want me to lose any more. All I could think to say was "It is not as low as my weight has been before, sir." He was determined to take a blood test to check my nutritional level & he would go over the results with me in a week.

After leaving, I thought about it & realized that my feelings were very similar to the last time I had the eating problem. It scares the logical part of me, but the emotional part wants to continue losing.

I actually decided to talk to my Psychiatrist at my appointment the next day, & mention my GP's concern. He felt that since I was doing so good otherwise that the eating would not become a problem. A few days later, I continued to lose. I ended up calling my psychologist who I can talk about anything. We discussed the situation & he knows what I am going through at home. He feels that it is a problem & that I needed to get back in touch with my psychiatrist (they are good friends). It took me a little while to do it, but I called. We discussed the problem & he suggested using suppliments. I can't seem to do that since the last time they were used as punishment for not finishing a meal & I just can't get them down my throat. He then suggested Prozac. I laughed because that was the culprit that started my weight loss the last time. He then suggested the latest med to help. I really don't like taking meds & have quit all of them except for my migraines. I didn't respond well & he feels that I am being resistant to treatment (which I probably am) but understands.

My GP had his nurse call with the results of the blood test. All was ok except for my glucose. She explained that it was because of the fasting & wondered if it was deliberate? I said not exactly & left it at that.

I realize that he probably should know what is going on & he may be the only one that can help without the use of psyche drugs. I still have a hard time discussing this with doctors due to the part of me that doesn't want help. But the part of me that wants help called up my GP & let him know I want to discuss my "weight loss". Now all I have to do is not chicken out when he calls. I feel bad dumping a problem on him that I thought I would never have to deal with again. I am afraid to discuss it with him, but a part of me knows that I should.

I would appreciate any suggestions since I'm sure I will be dealing with this sooner than I would like. I really respect him, his abilities, & his concern, so I don't want to blow it with him.

Nervous to talk,
Debbie

[Genevieve]

What do you mean, you shouldn't have to deal with this again? I've been dealing with it for thirty years, and still go through all that you've described. Only without the great support team of psychiatrist, GP, and psychologist to help me through it.

Here's the bad news: yeah, you can have relapses. It's kind of like an allergy: once you've been exposed, you can have a reaction at any re-exposure. That's the bad news. The good news is that it's like an allergy: once you've identified the allergen, you can take precautions, and have a sort of psychological Epi-Pen on hand in case you are exposed.

It took me almost five months to tell my therapist about my AN, even though that was a big part of what I started seeing her for. I also couldn't make myself tell my psychiatrist straight out about it, I had to hint around until suddenly he said, "Anorexia? Is that what we're talking about?" Don't feel alone there. The last time a doctor brought up my weight to me, I just brushed it off. He didn't let it go right away, but eventually did. I think it's GREAT that your GP has enough on the ball to bring it up to you. Let him help you.

In your case, I've got a little bit of sympathy for the psychiatrist -- but only in the sense that he's trying to do something for you, and pills is what he does. My husband calls psychiatrists "Pill Dispensers." He thinks that's all they do, because that's all they've ever done for me. (And not very successfully, I might add...) My own psychiatrist just asked how much I weighed the other day, and asked if we could change me to a drug to put some weight on me. I thanked him and declined, because that's all the treatment I've ever gotten for this, and while it might make me fat, it certainly hasn't stopped me being vulnerable to a relapse. I told him that I wanted a formal diagnosis noted in my chart, and to work on resolving the underlying issues with my therapist. I also said that he would be acting in my best interest by noting the formal diagnosis, because then the insurance would be more likely to pay for things like a bone scan and other tests to insure that my health was not too badly damaged while my therapist and I worked on it.

I know I didn't tell you anything there, except that you're not alone, but I hope it helped a little. And no matter how nice it is to see those numbers getting smaller on the scale, with your new college knowledge, wouldn't you rather show the world how much MORE you are now, with all that inside you?

Be well.