my friend here on PC.. she wanted me to go to the hospital bc she says she has never seen me this bad.. combo of puking and nervous wreck.

i cant do that due to obligations, etc... and i never ever ever will go willingly to a hospital. Its fine IMO for anyone who wishes to go.. but not against my will.

i am wasting food money really... i have tried recently to buy my favourite foods... even junk, just to ge tme to eat something. But if i do eat.. i am compelled to throw up. The amount has to be really small or i cant deal with it. Trouble with that is that i actually LOVE food.. i jus went to this awesome little cafe for lunch.. had this panini thing that had brie and tomato confit and ham... and a tasty little side green salad. magnifico! i enjoyed it... and then i wlaked the two blocks home and threw up most of it. What a waste of $14.

my grocery money is not a lot.. i can't afford to just buy food to throw down the drain - literally. i have been eating this stuff bc i wouldnt eat at all otherwise... and i do enjoy eating good foods. i'm limited to 5 half wings... or 4 biscuits... or maybe 1/2C of cottage cheese and a plum... those are my choices if i want to eat... one of those is it. ANything more and back up it comes

[Perna]

I would at least go to the doctor and have a few tests to make sure there isn't anything physically wrong that can be corrected (and to temporarily quiet your friend who is concerned about you)? It's fine to say you love to eat but your body has obviously got crossed wires of late and is contradicting your thinking/ideas? Get some help Ms. Jello?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( fluff )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

What a hard spot to be in. What does your T say about your eating d/o? Does he feel like the hospital is necessary right now??

My T doesn't specialize in eating d/o - in fact seems to know very little about them - but I've still managed to make some progress with him, getting at the underlying issues.

For me, when I RADICALLY changed what and how I was eating, I was able to give up the eating d/o behaviors (for now! fingers crossed - today is day 22). I think a lot of it had to do with blood sugar - binging, starving, purging, etc had my system so out of whack, I almost couldn't function around food. It's a horrible cycle to get caught in.

((((((((((((((((((((fluffy)))))))))))))))))) Thinking of you!