[darkrunner]

(trigger icon b/c posting numbers)
I talked to my T yesterday about my lack of eating....I mean really talked to him about it. ....I really pushed him to see that it has become a real, real problem for me. He thought it was just a symptom of depression....that I had no appetite and was too depressed to eat. That's how it started, but I explained what it has turned into -- how I don't eat even when I'm hungry, I feel guilty when I eat, I hate how I feel after I eat, etc etc......

Unfortunately we didnt really get to talk about this until the end of the session and we didn't have much time to talk about it. But he told me I had to go see my medical doctor anyway because anorexia was a medical diagnosis. ??? This confused me and I didn't really understand what he meant until this morning when I realized that he must be talking about having to be at a certain % below your ideal weight to be diagnosed anorexic.

He made me promise to schedule a dr appt, and I did, and it is tomorrow, and I feel like it is a test, like my weight should be as low as possible to do well on the test. That sounds so crazy. This morning I weighed 104 (I am 5'5") and I don't know if that is low enough. Part of me wants to wait so I could get below 100 and REALLY do well on the "test"........but I know I just need someone to help me stop all of this now.

I really don't care if I am officially diagnosed with anorexia....I can't keep this up and I can't stop on my own. I just need someone to help me. Im scared they won't help me if my weight is not low enough, and I don't want to lose anymore......I just need to get someone to help me......I can't ignore it anymore.

Does anyone out there understand me right now???????

ktgirl

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((((ktgirl))))))))))))))))))

I hope the appt goes well tomorrow. Be as open and honest with your doctor as possible, maybe even by printing off this post to bring in. While it may be a bunch of "physical criteria" for the diagnosis, that doesn't mean that your thinking patterns don't "fit" with anorexia or an ED.

Talk to your T about this again, ok? You can do this, you deserve help.

[darkrunner]

Christina,

Thank you for your encouragement - it really helps.
kt

[Perna]

It's not a test at all; lots of people are normal weight and have eating disorders! It isn't just about how much you weigh but about you and your diet/how well you're suppying yourself nutrients, etc. If you don't eat you get physically very very sick. Not a lot a "talk" therapist can do there, takes a medical doctor. The doctor might know a specialist/nutritionist who can help you, etc.

[darkrunner]

Thanks Perna, that makes sense....I've read that one can be at a normal weight and have an eating disorder - like bulimia and ED-NOS. I thought you had to be 15% under your ideal weight to be actually diagnosed with anorexia nervosa....

I don't see how a nutritionist could help me....I know about nutrition and I know what I should be eating....how many carbs, fat, and much protein, and how many cals I need. I am just happier right now not eating anything - how can a nutritionist or medical dr help with that?

I guess I just have to be patient and see what happens with my appt tomorrow....right now I am very uneasy and worried that things are hopeless. I feel like I'm the only one who could possibly fix this but I'm totally incapable of doing so.
kt

[silver_queen]

Hey KT girl, I think you're right about the being 15% under the ideal weight (whatever that is) ... or that you've lost 20% of your body weight ( I think that's right but not sure). Your weight is actually classed as 'anorexic' as it is already (104lb).

I understand about the healthy eating, it is easy to know what to do to eat healthily and lose weight healthily, but in practice it is far harder to do...

Good luck with the appt.

[darkrunner]

silver_queen -- thanks for your support.

[fellowtraveler]

I haven't done the math to know whether or not you meet the full DSM-IV criteria for anorexia but it certainly sounds like your symptoms qualify for a diagnosis of an eating disorder. Diagnoses aside; your T is right to send you to a medical doctor to get checked out because you may have other physical problems related to your lack of adequate nutrition. Next time you see your T, ask him if he is able to treat the cognitive basis for your condition. If not, please seek a qualified eating disorder specialist.

[itspeaks]

Even if your BMI is not low enough to be diagnosed as "anorexic" they may still diagnose you with it, or diagnose you with something called ED-NOS. Eating disorder not otherwise specified. It is just as real and dangerous as anorexia and bulimia.

[Monty_girl]

Hey ktgirl, there is so much more to an eating disorder then what your #'s are. Your blood work will show a lot about how your eating and not eating. I'm not a fan of dx and having to be a certain weight before a dx is made. You sound like you have gotten to that point in your head where your falling deep into an ED. Just keep talking about it to your T. Don't let a managable problem right now run away with your life. An ED is more then #'s it's how you think and deal with things. You know there's something not right with your thoughts on food and weight. Just keep talking about it. Don't fall into anorexia's dark pit. Get the help you need now.
Ana sux's

[darkrunner]

fellowtraveler - thanks for your advice and for confirming that my T is not just trying to pawn me off on someone else. I trusted him and did what he suggested, but I also kind of felt he told me to go to my dr because he didn't want to deal with it.

itspeaks - good point - ED-NOS can be just as dangerous....I've read about that too.

Monty girl - you are so right, and I am trying to get help. I have spent so much time trying to figure out if I 'qualified' when all along that time would have been so much better spent trying to help myself. I'm pretty deep into it now....

My dr. appt:
My blood pressure is high: 140/90. I was really happy when I got on the scale and it said 104. I thought it would be higher at the dr office - it usually is. The doctor gave me a prescription for trazadone and a phone number for a psychiatrist. He wanted to send me to IP so that I could so the psychiatrist sooner but I told him I couldn't because of my kids and my husband is traveling for work.

On the checkout papers he wrote:
"Weight loss, Depression, PTSD"

Oh, and he also ordered lots of blood work and wants to see me again in 3 weeks.

I'm relieved it is over with and I'm glad I went. I've only seen my doctor a couple of times (for strep and a physical), but he was pretty nice and understanding. I still feel really hopeless about how I'm ever going to be able to get out of this. Part of me was wishing that he could wave a magic wand and it would be all better. And I guess it's the really sick part of me is glad that I have a little more time before I'm expected to change anything. Does that make any sense?

oh well, thanks to all for listening to me ramble.
peace,
ktgirl