[tifferific]

I think I'm just talking to the wall now with my doctor and therapist. All thet talk about is the hospital. Why can't they see I want that as a nonoption and give me other advise?

[pegasus]

Can you look at this from the point of view that your Doctor and therapist are looking out for what is best for you? If you need to go to hospital, it doesn't mean you have failed, it means you can be cared for until you are coping better.

Hugs

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Can you look at this from the point of view that your Doctor and therapist are looking out for what is best for you? If you need to go to hospital, it doesn't mean you have failed, it means you can be cared for until you are coping better.

Hugs

I get all that but feel like I am coping ok and that noone is listening to me. I've been in treatment. And I don't like it. It maakes it worse. It seems I hyper focus on others and not me.

[tinaseajed]

Originally Posted by tifferific

I get all that but feel like I am coping ok and that noone is listening to me. I've been in treatment. And I don't like it. It maakes it worse. It seems I hyper focus on others and not me.

You know what is best for you deep inside --- what does your spirit say you should do?

[tifferific]

My spirit says that I'm 36 I've tried this treatment center 5 times. Because of my age I can't get in anywere else with my insurance. And I don't know if they can help me if just with the food. And that's just a quick fix. So my spirit tells me I'm in trouble. But I'm kinda at peace with it.thanks for the reply.

[beth16]

Hi Tiffer. Is there a local group that you can participate in and utilize them for a support system? You are very much worth the help. I think you are an incredible person with a lot of compassion for people. Here's a hug for you.

Beth

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by beth16

Hi Tiffer. Is there a local group that you can participate in and utilize them for a support system? You are very much worth the help. I think you are an incredible person with a lot of compassion for people. Here's a hug for you.

Beth

It's like in brother where art thou! I'm two days from anywhere.
No really the closest support group is 1 and a half hours away and they meet monthly. My therapist I even drive an hour for on a weekly basis.
It's ok such is life. But if they send my behind to the hospital 5 hours from home.
That I can't take. Noone, not noone comes to see me.
Probably because they think I'm stupid.
But I will not not see my kids like that ever again.

[Malady156]

Not to be a jerk but ... it must be nice to have so many people all concerned about you ... it might feel like a pain sometimes to you but think about it ... you could be alone .... feared .... shunned ..... avoided ...... isolated ..... faulted ......... lied about .......... neglected ......... left to fend for yourself, especially at this age in a society that generally doesn't give a toss about anyone once they pass that 25th birthday .............

......... but instead ......................................

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by Malady156

Not to be a jerk but ... it must be nice to have so many people all concerned about you ... it might feel like a pain sometimes to you but think about it ... you could be alone .... feared .... shunned ..... avoided ...... isolated ..... faulted ......... lied about .......... neglected ......... left to fend for yourself, especially at this age in a society that generally doesn't give a toss about anyone once they pass that 25th birthday .............

......... but instead ......................................

I wasn't really upset that they care. Just that at this point they are not hearing me threw.
Funny that you say that. Because I called the treatment center.the therapist I saw when I was there before.
No reply.
Oh well.
Can't say I didn't try.
Left message on cell. Hospital and office. Guess I am too old.for real care anyway.

But I tried, and that's what counts.

[Malady156]

well as it said it didn't want to sound like a jerk but sometimes it feels jealous of others, how everyone seems to have so many who care. Mal could take to the caves tomorrow or sneak off to kill itself and maybe one person in the world would be upset, or even panic and go looking ... but no one else. everyone else seems to have zounds and zounds of others that care if they live or die and whether they feel happy or not, whether they have adequate "care team" or whatever .... all Mal has ever had has been people who care because it might not be upholding ITS end of whatever "bargain" they think exists.

so yeah, sorry, having a self-pity moment there. will shut up and get out of your thread now though before it gets in trouble or makes you mad.

Originally Posted by tifferific

It's like in brother where art thou! I'm two days from anywhere.
No really the closest support group is 1 and a half hours away and they meet monthly. My therapist I even drive an hour for on a weekly basis.
It's ok such is life. But if they send my behind to the hospital 5 hours from home.
That I can't take. Noone, not noone comes to see me.
Probably because they think I'm stupid.
But I will not not see my kids like that ever again.

You must be fairly rural or live in a small town Tiffer. Thats a lot of driving to do I know from my few dental apointments . Its really not enough support for you. I can see how this connection on line is important then.

when I first sough help I was in a university town . They told me I had to drive over an hour to another University town for help for an ED . I was in school then. No one really reached out very unhelpful . i din't even have a car then . just my bike.

One really does have to take the inititive I have found . I don't even know whats available here anymore . Little groups here and there. There was one support group group run by one woman for ED s and even she didn't sound very welcoming.

So I didn't go. That was when I had my slip . I was kind leery / gun shy to that was part of it .
You are not stupid Tiffer

I wasn't really upset that they care. Just that at this point they are not hearing me threw.
Funny that you say that. Because I called the treatment center.the therapist I saw when I was there before.
No reply.
Oh well.
Can't say I didn't try.
Left message on cell. Hospital and office. Guess I am too old.for real care anyway.

Do they usually call right back ? they may have accidentally deleted your message or some other glitch.

I'd call them again .

Oh about being to old .. Nope. I was just listening to some famous tennis player ( didn'y catch the name } who i her thirties just started getting help for her ED and she has five years now recovered with no 12 step program and she writting a book.

Should I write a book Tiffer ? LOL!!!!!!!!



Patricia

Originally Posted by Malady156

well as it said it didn't want to sound like a jerk but sometimes it feels jealous of others, how everyone seems to have so many who care.

so yeah, sorry, having a self-pity moment there. will shut up and get out of your thread now though before it gets in trouble or makes you mad.

Yes I see the same thing with others . I think m responsible for why I don't have others supporting me .

Malady, Ive had the same moments . way to many . Its okay. your not alone . Congrats on your design..

Did you bring us some cake? LOL!

Patricia

[Malady156]

Cake would not be appropriate for the ED forum! WAAAAYYYY too many calories, Ana would come in its sleep and punish it and make it fat if it brought cake!!

But wait!! Virtual cake has ZERO calories, so ... dig in!!! (with your eyeballs) hehehehe

(don't mind Mal it bes a spaz)



OH yeah and thanks !! (for the congrats) ... at least this way we know it bes not some popularity contest!! hahahaha

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by Malady156

well as it said it didn't want to sound like a jerk but sometimes it feels jealous of others, how everyone seems to have so many who care. Mal could take to the caves tomorrow or sneak off to kill itself and maybe one person in the world would be upset, or even panic and go looking ... but no one else. everyone else seems to have zounds and zounds of others that care if they live or die and whether they feel happy or not, whether they have adequate "care team" or whatever .... all Mal has ever had has been people who care because it might not be upholding ITS end of whatever "bargain" they think exists.

so yeah, sorry, having a self-pity moment there. will shut up and get out of your thread now though before it gets in trouble or makes you mad.

Hey it's o.k. It's scary to think you can walk into the woods and noone would ever find or look for you.
I hope and doubt that this is really true but this at times really fealls real. A lot. And it is a lonsome horrible felling, and I'm sorry that you fell that way.

I just want more options right now.
Though, what I'm asking may be unreal, I probably need to start to be my own biggest support. I'm just too sick to know how to do that.
I care what happens to you.

Originally Posted by Malady156

Cake would not be appropriate for the ED forum! WAAAAYYYY too many calories, Ana would come in its sleep and punish it and make it fat if it brought cake!!

But wait!! Virtual cake has ZERO calories, so ... dig in!!! (with your eyeballs) hehehehe

(don't mind Mal it bes a spaz)



OH yeah and thanks !! (for the congrats) ... at least this way we know it bes not some popularity contest!! hahahaha

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

go ahead .. theres nothing I truely want from that cake at all!!! well wait.. I like the roses...

speacking from someone whos had three life times of it in ten years . I can truely say Ive had my share even though it was momentairily.

Patricia

Originally Posted by tifferific

Hey it's o.k. It's scary to think you can walk into the woods and noone would ever find or look for you.
I hope and doubt that this is really true but this at times really fealls real. A lot. And it is a lonsome horrible felling, and I'm sorry that you fell that way.

I just want more options right now.
Though, what I'm asking may be unreal, I probably need to start to be my own biggest support. I'm just too sick to know how to do that.
I care what happens to you.

I did that walk into the woods into the woods into a shed.

I'm glad today im here despite the tears,

we do have to get to where we are are own support. Its even diffcult to believe theres a power out there who/that is listening in times when we are alone ..
And if Ikeep myself isolated which at times feels safer . I can't get the help thats maybe being sent .



Patricia

[Malady156]

Originally Posted by tifferific

Though, what I'm asking may be unreal, I probably need to start to be my own biggest support. I'm just too sick to know how to do that.
I care what happens to you.

Can totally relate to being too sick to know what to do or how.
Asking for input and ideas for other options bes a good thing to do, though, someone might have ideas that either help or spark new ones that will.

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by Malady156

Can totally relate to being too sick to know what to do or how.
Asking for input and ideas for other options bes a good thing to do, though, someone might have ideas that either help or spark new ones that will.

Hey you know what all the people in the world can care, does no good if youv'e been so sick so long. That you relapse, and you can't do it anymore.

Originally Posted by tifferific

Hey you know what all the people in the world can care, does no good if youv'e been so sick so long. That you relapse, and you can't do it anymore.

this is true tiffer, I have been there, you forget Im alot older than you . Im 53. I sarted my ed when I was 16
. I finally reached out for somene else to help ten years later . durrung those ten years i tried to stop every day.

it took 4 years for me to stop. I relapsed andgot out of it again.

I do remember hearing the story of the woman who had been ill for 12 years and no one could help her. She belived that i she just touched the garment of the the long haired hippy that ued to be a carpenter she would be healed and her faith did just that,

I knew what thay woman went through . so do you.

I feel the ame way you do today. I went in to therapy armed with my litlttle artical a really commoted to say I want to focus on the adhd get a diagnosis and get some meds.

i got instaed that she thought if I just worked on the pstd my distraction problems would be taken care of. that she thinks she might have adhd too
i don'y think she undersatnds how debitating its making my life ..
as I pulled out of te parking sapce after therapy . I had carefullu parked close to the side so someone cloud fit in the last space . As I was pullig out I was distracted and my front end of my truck got crushed by two short yellow pole.

im done too I feel like giving up

i sorta wanted to quit see ing this therapist befoe I went in .

i refuse to pay and not get wha I need.
so Ill jut go without.

im giving up to.

Patricia

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by Auroralso

this is true tiffer, I have been there, you forget Im alot older than you . Im 53. I sarted my ed when I was 16
. I finally reached out for somene else to help ten years later . durrung those ten years i tried to stop every day.

it took 4 years for me to stop. I relapsed andgot out of it again.

I do remember hearing the story of the woman who had been ill for 12 years and no one could help her. She belived that i she just touched the garment of the the long haired hippy that ued to be a carpenter she would be healed and her faith did just that,

I knew what thay woman went through . so do you.

I feel the ame way you do today. I went in to therapy armed with my litlttle artical a really commoted to say I want to focus on the adhd get a diagnosis and get some meds.

i got instaed that she thought if I just worked on the pstd my distraction problems would be taken care of. that she thinks she might have adhd too
i don'y think she undersatnds how debitating its making my life ..
as I pulled out of te parking sapce after therapy . I had carefullu parked close to the side so someone cloud fit in the last space . As I was pullig out I was distracted and my front end of my truck got crushed by two short yellow pole.

im done too I feel like giving up

i sorta wanted to quit see ing this therapist befoe I went in .

i refuse to pay and not get wha I need.
so Ill jut go without.

im giving up to.

Patricia

Seek out someone else to help you with your adhd.

I can"t help you patricia nor beth anymore. My brain ins't o.k.
I can't think. Please don't make this hard for me -i love you guys too.
Your path is different. I hope yours is a happy complete. And wonmderful.
Patricia let me go, please o.k. Hug