Scared

I am a college freshmen and so far all of my freshmen year I have been going back and fourth with an eating disorder. In the beginning in the school year I was over-coming being a cutter( Have not cut in 4 months . When I cut I don't eat. Then back in February my grandmother passed away, I was very close to her. Since her death I have started to binge eat, I will eat then I will vomit it up. I usually eat and vomit one day. Then the next day I will either eat nothing or ill just eat yogurt. I don't know what to do because my friends at school already think I am crazy because of the cutting. I don't like the counselors here at school. Im scared, I dont want to do this anymore but I feel like eating is the one thing I can control. I need advise please help

Hi oriolekid,

Welcome, Congrats on abstaing from cutting . I too used to eat just yogurt the day after purging. it was a way to get the cultures back in the sytem . i think that was my thinking and it was soothing and healthy .

I was strange. I would binge on junk but eat some healthy foods.
Your Grandmother was close for you. Soory Oriole, you mentioned food is The one thing you can control . intresting placing that next to the loss of your grandmother . we cannot control others leaving us . and people do for various reasons. and its always difficult because it ties into other losses. I get nervous when people start leaving. Sorry this happened while your at school .. Counselors at universities are " very good" take advantage of bieng in school. eating disorders are common . Are you a Male? your name made me wonder and your reluctance to get help .

the control of food is linked into health and the goal of longevity and youthfulness / looks which means maybe someone will want to be with us or stick around.

Patricia

Unfortunately, it sounds as if you were born with a tendency to become addicted as a way of dealing with feelings. I have always felt crazy compared to other people because I was so sensitive. My sensitivity drove me to find ways to cope and manage my brain chemistry, like binge eat and purge. I think you're doing the right thing by reaching out.

My advice is to find a counselor who specializes in ED, or barring that, a 12-step group like Overeater's Anonymous (it is free, you can go as often as you like, and it is anonymous). If you could control your eating, you would be controlling your eating.

Please take care of yourself and keep us posted here on the forum.