[Wysteria]

I saw my T today and felt so desperate for help and some healing....i just couldn't find the right words. I'm so close to just giving up and he is so comoassionate, but frustrated with my lack of oral communication. I've sent emails and quotes and such...
I try and he knows how important words are to me. I was saying plead vs beg. He could get the difference finally, but not that I have reached the abased level of begging him.... But don't hardly know what I'm begging for except my sanity and life...some connection and hope.

So ashamed to be at this point. Feel like I'm just frustrating my poor T. So confused and blue it is near to impossible to think straight. Never felt so very helpless to make something change.

Any feedback would be appreciated.
WB

I'm betting that your therapist has a lot of compassion for you. Here's the thing: try not to involve yourself with care-taking your therapist. Allow him to take care of himself. Focus on how you feel in your body - start with describing that to yourself. If you're desperate, where in your body is the feeling? How does it feel? What color is it? Keep going, with focus and concentration, until you bring out the words.

[pegasus]

Hello Wysteria,

It sounds to me like you are desperately wanting to share with your therapist but there is something blocking that. A part of you really wants to talk about something that is really important and has been bubbling under the surface for a long time and then there is a part of you that will not let you talk about it. Your T sounds like a keeper to me! I could be wrong but it could be you that feels frustrated rather than your T? From what I can read above, you feel alone and helpless and unable to speak. That would be frustrating for you.

Maybe you could print this thread out and share that with your T, that would get the ball rolling and it's easier sometimes to share something written down in a session.

Here is a link to a really good article on ways to start talking to your T 6 Ways to Open Up and Talk in Therapy | World of Psychology

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello Wysteria,

It sounds to me like you are desperately wanting to share with your therapist but there is something blocking that. A part of you really wants to talk about something that is really important and has been bubbling under the surface for a long time and then there is a part of you that will not let you talk about it. Your T sounds like a keeper to me! I could be wrong but it could be you that feels frustrated rather than your T? From what I can read above, you feel alone and helpless and unable to speak. That would be frustrating for you.

Maybe you could print this thread out and share that with your T, that would get the ball rolling and it's easier sometimes to share something written down in a session.

Here is a link to a really good article on ways to start talking to your T 6 Ways to Open Up and Talk in Therapy | World of Psychology

Yes, the problem is with me and not him...it is bubbling and frustrating me to no end. I couldn't ask for a better T or one that tries harder...
I just feel like I'm desperate for him to hear me right now that I'm losing this battle. He thinks I'm frustrsted that I am not putting together the pieces...but I feel like I'm lost. I just hope he hears me soon.

Thanks for listening and for the article...

-wb

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Wysteria

Yes, the problem is with me and not him.

Actually, the problem isn't with you. It might be to do with the pain you're in and the stuff you're working through in therapy, but it's not you. It's something that's happening to you. You didn't choose it.

[Restin]

Wysteria, I recently got to this same place...got totally shut down and couldn't say a word. I longed for T to rescue me by helping me talk about my feelings for her. My problem has been that I want to talk about how I feel for her, not just anything. But I got out of this impass by backing off it and just talk about easy stuff and things I don't even care about. It's just to keep the conversation going and hope that, as it flows, I will get used to the difficult ,forbidden words gradually.
The forum here has helped me see this BTW and it's working better at therapy.

[Restin]

Sometimes it helps to describe my pain, or forbidden subject, by talking as if I'm describing someone else. I can say the child part of me feels this or that while keeping the dignity of my adult self. That saves face and avoids humiliation.
As for writing things out for T to read, I know it helps some people, but I feel it's the same as telling him/her and can't write it if I can't say it. Be patient with yourself.
There are many "magic" words survivors have, which seem electrified with dangerous current. So, it takes time to get used to saying and admitting traumatic things that happened.