[bambi86w]

I have been with my partner for three years and im starting to get confused and worn down. Hes highly intelligent but is incapable of holding down a job I have supported him financially for years and hes never done anything for me. He lies and has cheated before, any argument we have he twists things and I get so muddled as to whats happening. He will give me the silent treatment until I appologize and I have never seen any guilt or remorse from him even if I do get a sorry it seems false. Any time we argue he either leaves me or threatens too then proceeds to cut me out of his life for weeks only to reappear. I get sucked in time and time again. More recently I went through a bereavement and he reacted completely disconnected when we finally talked about it he told me hes never loved anyone and he feels no empathy for me or anyone else. I feel like im loosing my mind in this cycle but I love him and I really dont understand whats wrong with him. Any insight would help

I'm pretty sure that a lot of people will jump on the "he can't hold a job" and you've "supported him for years" situation. That's not always a deal-breaker, though. What are the reasons he can't hold a job, btw?

That he lies, has cheated, and leaves you is what bothers me. That he says he's never loved anyone, never felt empathy...something is terribly imbalanced...I'm going to guess that he was raised in an abusive, very troubled home?

From what you've posted, your partner is not entirely your partner and honestly, it sounds like he's using you as his meal ticket. From where does he obtain money when he leaves for weeks at a time?

If I were in your shoes, I would feel like I was losing my mind, too.

[pegasus]

Hello bambi86w, welcome to Psych Central,

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. Has he always been like this? It could be that there is an underlying mental health issue going on with your boyfriend. If he is intelligent and unable to hold down a job, he probably does not feel too good about that. I don't think there are any excuses for lying and cheating but his lack of communication and lack of feelings could be due to depression. Link here on depression Depression Symptoms, Information and Treatment - Psych Central

I don't know if you are able to sit down with him and ask how he is feeling and if he opens up to you, it might be an idea to see if he will go to his doctor for treatment.

[possum220]

He sounds totally self absorbed and a major manipulator. The questions you need to be asking is why am I still with him? If he can't keep a job that's a questions he should be asking himself. Look after yourself. Nurture yourself.

[healingme4me]

Lacking empathy can be symptomatic of a personality disorder.

More importantly than any label, is why you find his treatment of you, worthy of loving him?


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[snakesnladders]

the lack of emotional response to any stimulus backed up by his own statement that this is an ongoing trait that he has had all his life would suggest that he may be a psychopath.
please note - psychopath does not mean murderer. it is simply a term for a person lacking in emotion/empathic response. have you ever known him to cry through either joy or sorrow? be it at a personal life event or something as little as a movie.
the lying and cheating are also symptomatic of this as they point to a disassociation of feeling.
the not holding down a job thing could be as simple as he sees no point in having to work if you are prepared to support him, as he feels no guilt - as proven by the lying and cheating.
my advice... seek proper medical/psychological help. NOW.
although if he IS a true psychopath it is not his fault, you do not have to put up with behaviour such as this.

[ChipperMonkey]

I don't think the question is "what is wrong with him?" rather "what is wrong with you?" I'm not trying to be rude, but what is your reason for putting up with a guy who treats you badly and uses you? Of course he sticks around because you support him financially. He lies, he cheats, he threatens you. Really, who cares what's wrong with him!? He's a hopeless loser. I think you should focus on healing your own issues, and start by kicking his butt to the curb.