Bipolar alcoholic husband help

I am new and this is my first post....my husband of 16 years has been diagnosed with biopolar by 3 different drs... He has been on lithium for over 10 years and it doesn't seem to help...he also takes 1mg Xanax every morning, which I have to hide from him or he will abuse them. He is also a binge drinker. And becomes violent and manic when he drinks....his doctor won't adjust his meds until he quits drinking...he was prescribed olanzapine two years ago and they really seemed to help, but he refuses to take them...he said they make him gain weight and make him to sleepy....anyone have any suggestions!? Please help! I love him and want to help him, but he gets so angry and violent! He has a great job and an understanding boss? But it's getting worse every year... He threatens to kill everyone and h smashed car windows, doors, punched holes in the walls...there has got to be something to calm him....Xanax seems to work opposite on him! Please help! Any advice?????

I hope what I am about to tell you helps.

You don't say whether you have minor children or not. Your safety and the safety of any children living with you and your husband is of supreme importance.

You cannot fix your husband and we cannot diagnose him or force him to take his medication and refrain from drinking alcohol to excess.

It is unlikely your husband will try to help himself as long as he has a 'support system' (you and his boss) who remain with him (emotionally, financially, physically) as he rages on.

It is my opinion that rage feeds more rage.

Please consider seeking counseling for yourself and/or a support group like Al-Anon so that you can gain back control of your life without being subject to the uncontrolled behavior of your husband.

I hope you find your visits here supportive and informative.

This is posted somewhere else, isn't it?

You must not accept abusive or threatening behaviour.

Hello Kevinswife, welcome to Psych Central.

This is going to sound harsh but it is the very best thing for your husband. Please call the police next time he gets violent, then he will receive the right treatment. If he is unwilling to help himself, you will need to help him by getting him into hospital. Your safety is important!