[Jenni855]

There is a child in your life who is like family and you have known them for 7 years. How would you feel if you found out through other people that he had been on TV meeting a celebrity (Won a prize to do this) and you were the only one not to know? His mum had posted it on facebook which you are not on and although you work together, she never bothered to tell you but her 400 followers all knew.

[pegasus]

Is this what has happened to you Jenni?

It may be that the Mother of the child is holding back from you for some reason. You work with children and the parents don't always share everything about their child. Maybe she is jealous of your relationship with the child. Have you spoken to her about your feelings? I'm sorry you feel so low about this.

[connect.the.stars]

One question I have: Is the mother always leaving you out of the loop? I ask this because there is a difference between her purposely not telling you, versus forgetting to tell you.

If she is a forgetful person, is bad at keeping people updated on their lives, and is consistently a person who is disorganized or all over the place, then just casually bring it up with her. Be like "hey I heard your child won an award and met ____, that's cool! How did that happen?" If she hasn't been purposely excluding you from the news, she would probably happily fill you in with the details of what happened. (trust me, my best friend is like this...when I remind her of things she will be like "OH YEA, xyz happened last weekend....and go trailing on.)

However, if what I mentioned above is not true and you have a sense that she purposely wants to exclude you, maybe you can ask yourself "why do you want to be included in her life so much?" I understand if it's because you are close to the child, but if you aren't close to the mother of this child, she would have little reason to keep you updated on her kid's life.

I know it feels sucky to be the "last one to know." Some people don't do it on purpose. But if you're really concerned about not being a priority in this person's life, maybe it's time to re-evaluate your relationship with them. Has it be a toxic one? Have there been occasions where you asked for something and she responded in a defensive manner? She might suggest things like you are being "too pushy." If you ever hear this kind of language, it is best to give them their space and try not take it too much to heart.

[hvert]

I am not sure. I think I might reconsider my decision to not use Facebook, if I wanted these sorts of updates. If it turned out that not being on Facebook was more important to me than knowing things like this, then I would be sorry to have missed the information immediately, but would look for a copy of the appearance online or asked if someone had one to share.

[Jenni855]

I am not on facebook, can't stand the fakeness. I heard it from many of her thousands of facebook 'friends'. I have only ever cared for those kids and certainly not been pushy or demanding. She confuses the hell out of me, buys me birthday and Christmas presents from them, talks about them to me and when they call me, she gets them to say they love me then she will do the opposite like leaving me out of important and big news such as above, situation,making time for everyone else to chat to them no matter who they are and never me and when I back off, she comes back at me again all sweet.
This isn't fair, I don't deserve this. SHE was the one who encouraged the bond between me and her kids in the first place, you cant play with peoples hearts like that. All she cares about is herself.

[Livelonginspired]

No, I wouldn't be. It's not important enough information to me. Unless I need to know it, I can't be offended if you neglect to tell me.

[Jenni855]

That's your opinion. But it hurts me. It is a huge and happy event in his life that I am the only one to not know about

[Livelonginspired]

Originally Posted by Jenni855

That's your opinion. But it hurts me. It is a huge and happy event in his life that I am the only one to not know about

Yeah. I only meant to speak for myself.
Though the fact that it's a huge and happy event for the kid changes my perspective, though. I'd be upset too if I knew it was that important to him. Especially being the ONLY one left in the dark, on top of that.

Maybe try asking his mother about it but in a playful manner. Like, "So when were you gonna tell me -his name- was on TV, huh?"
If the information was kept from you on purpose though, I doubt you'll get an honest answer that way. But it may be worth a try. There might be a good explanation. Maybe she didn't know that you were unaware.

Good luck.

[Jenni855]

She definitely knows that I am unaware. I will probably say something like that, thanks for the tip x

[(JD)]

WOW a child has a great event and suddenly this is about you?

I'm sorry you feel hurt...that isn't good for you to feel that way...

If she is such a friend you would have been able to ask her about it already. If you have been in contact all along, wouldn't you know about it anyway? It sounds like she uses FB and expect all her "thousands" of friends to just read and know...not having time for real friendship, perhaps, and making the effort that those who care were informed.

Sigh. I would not be hurt. Maybe in a younger day, but no one can hurt me now, their opinion of me is none of my business. I am who I am and who they are isn't affecting who I am.

Feel better soon...and hope you find some real friends hon.

[Jenni855]

Please don't make me sound selfish. Of course this is not all about me. Forgive me for being human. I am sad and hurt that I wasn't told about a huge event that is going on in a little boys life, a kid who is like family to me. Is that really so bad? Thought I couldotalk about my feelings here openly without being judged. Clearly not.

[connect.the.stars]

Jenni - you can talk about your feelings here. From only reading your original post, I didn't get an idea of what kind of person the mother was. After reading your follow-ups, I think you might be off-put by the character of the mother, who appears to be two-faced. Getting really close to you and then excluding you.

Were you able to talk to her yet? A lot might be cleared up if you find out whether or not she had been purposely trying to hide this event from you (and if yes, why she did it).

[Jenni855]

Thats right and she fobs me off whenever I talk to her so no point. Have to accept I have been used

[Jenni855]

Wow, never known hurt like this. So he has been on TV just now and she promised she would text me about it but never did (She only got round to telling me yesterday when she bumped into me in the corridor. I have no doubt in my mind she wouldn't have bothered otherwise.) It hurt so badly seeing him on TV, I miss him so much Felt such a mixture of pride, love and hurt all mixed into one. She is more bothered about updating her thousands of facebook followers all who barely know him and have never set eyes on him. Yet she can't even find it in herself to update me. I feel so so hurt and used. I hate her for encouraging me to bond with her son for 6 years like family and then drop me as soon as he get older and ahe no longer needed care for him. Now all these people who creep up her backside on facebook get all the updates. She is so indifferent to me, hurts more then I can say. Never again am I loving or caring for anyone again. Sick to the back teeth of being used and tossed aside when I have had my use.

[pegasus]

I'm sorry you have been hurt Jenni. It doesn't stop you having that special bond with the child though, I can see you really care for him and he probably sees that too.

[Jenni855]

It doesn't matter now though. Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon saying how much they love him. Don't know why I bothered. It clearly meant nothing.

[Jenni855]

I watched the TV appearance and cried my eyes out. So proud of him but so upseting as well. I haven't mentioned it or acknowledged it. Apparently this makes me cold I can't win whatever I do it seems.

[avlady]

That's not nice at all! i hope the child sees through his mother, i'm sure he's probably even asked his mom about you. do'nt let this one thing ruin it for everybody, people do love and need people like you!!!

[Jenni855]

I'm not too sure. It breaks my heart that he might think I am not proud of him. I am bursting with pride. I feel so sad and horrible inside.

[Jenni855]

Feel absolutely horrible. I hate knowing I am in so much pain when she gets away scot free. I hate her