constant asking if someone is okay can close them off

I have heard that if you sense someone is upset or something is wrong but they say they are fine but you continually ask then they will close off even more and not want to open up. Wasn't sure if it was true or not. There are times when I will see someone that is upset and I am very perceptive so I can pick up on it very easily, yet they state they are fine but their actions say otherwise. Sometimes I will ask a few times but then stop if I don't get a different response. In some cases they may be fine, which is good, but I can tell in other cases they are not fine but for some reason do not want to open up or admit it. Wasn't sure if it is true that if someone keeps nagging at someone else about whether or not they are okay, it could cause the person who may or may not feel down to close off and push away even more if they already were in the first place. Just wondered. And is this more common among females or males? I always thought males but someone told me it is more common among females. So it could be equal between both genders but I just wondered.

This is normal and equal. Just be careful not to project your own feelings onto others.

Odd thread. I actually like being asked what's wrong if someone thinks there is. It shows me they care enough to try and probe. Obsessively asking if everything is ok when things are *really* okay can shut me down. It depends on the personality of the person rather than gender I believe. Some people are just naturally "internalized" and shy away from probing regardless of the good intentions.

I agree. I like being asked as well, as long as it is not obsessive when everything is actually okay. I know some people that get pissed off if you ask them just a couple times if something is wrong when it is very obvious there is something wrong. And one person even told me it is really not a good idea to ask other people what is wrong and just to let others come to me. Maybe she had a point but I still don't see a problem in asking someone whether or not they are okay, especially if they are obviously upset about something.

Too many people ignore what isn't pleasant or want to keep up with the charade of "everything is fine" That ive also witnessed people get angry over being asked one time i guess theyre upset that their mask is translucent

If I say I am ok and someone keeps asking~ I get irritated. If I'm obviously not ok and say i'm fine, it probably means its not their business and i'm not in the mood to concern myself with their feelings. If they continue to ask I become the rude one. I'm ok with that but I try to avoid it, if possible.

Perhaps something like 'you seem upset, I'm here if you want to talk'.

Then... If you are pretty sure that they are upset, but they don't want to talk about what is bothering them... Then perhaps you can help them feel better some other way. Maybe you can do something kind for them to help distract them from their hurt. Maybe you can go for icecream with them. Or maybe you can try and distract them with something else that you know they like or enjoy.

It can help to know that another person notices our upset and... Wills it to be better. Feels smoethign of our pain too just because they are human and emotions are a bit catchy like that.

Don't know if any of this will make any kind of sense to you..

I get irritated because even though it's nice to be thought of, I get a feeling certain people ask me if I'm okay more for their own selfish need. They need me to be okay. They need someone to vent to. They need to be able to help me when I'm not in a good place. When they can't fulfill that need for me, they get irritated because I didn't allow them to help. Like I'm never allowed to feel bad as long as they are there. That's overbearing.

And all for what? Why is it so difficult for them to comprehend that they can't help me in the first place?

So my suggestion is actually not to continue pestering questions of "are you okay?" but rather to do little things that show the other person is being thought of. Get them their favorite food. Pick some wildflowers from the park and leave them on their desk with a kind note. THAT is something that can appreciated anytime from anyone. And it's not overbearing.

I think the constant asking can be irritating.

i also find it irritating if nothing is wrong. sometimes it feels like they want me to feel bad just because they think something is the matter but really nothing is and they persist. otherwise i don't mind if there really is something going on.

Personally, this is how repeatedly asking if I'm okay will close me off.

Somebody asks me if I'm okay.

Let's say I'm not.

I start to debate with myself on whether to reassure them I'm okay, when I am not, or tell them the truth.

I know they want me to say that I'm okay. And I don't want to worry them.

But I am not okay and a part of me wants to tell them this.

What I usually end up saying is "I don't know."

So then the person says "Are you sure?" or something like that and just keeps pushing it and so I kinda get defensive like "Yes I'm sure, please leave me alone" and retreat like a turtle into its shell.

So maybe that's not asking "Are you okay?" "Are you okay?" "Are you okay?" again and again, but... you get it.

And of course when I actually want them to ask they never do.

It's only when I don't wanna talk.

I'm the type of person that if I say im fine, it means i dont want to talk, or its means im fine. Either way, when they continue to ask, I get very irritated. Same when people repeatedly ask if I am mad at them just because I am being quiet. No I'm not mad, I'm just not talking. If I were mad at you I would tell you. But you keep asking, so yes, now I am mad at you lol.

It's nice when a friend is caring enough to notice if I am upset. Often I won't talk about my personal issues unless I am really close to someone. I am glad I am not the only one like that.