I don't know what's wrong with me

I have a question. For a really long time I have considered myself depressed and anxious. I have been treated for these conditions for years, have gone to therapy (though not at present), taken medicines including celexa and Zoloft (currently on Zoloft). I’ve never really wanted to hurt or kill myself (thankfully) or spent a whole day in bed because I was too sad to get out, but I overthink everything to death. It’s like my mind never stops going. I also feel like I see everything only in black and white, and I have OCD rituals that go along with all this. Like for the last year I suddenly decided to become religious and go to church (something I never did before). But when I get too involved in it (like making a move to join a church or taking on a responsibility there) I back off and change my mind. The OCD rituals are something like this – when I decide I am religious that day I take out a bible, put it in a drawer, subscribe to daily devotionals through my email, hang the church’s bulletin on my refrigerator. Then when I change my mind it all comes down and gets put away and unsubscribed. I’ve had similar behaviors in the past when it came to being in high school and choosing a college or major. I’ve come to the conclusion that things like this are anxiety and OCD triggers for me, and I’m trying to stay away from all things church and religion now because the constant mind changing is exhausting, mentally draining and depressing. I just wonder, is it depression, some kind of identity crisis, more like anxiety, or some sort of bipolar? The Zoloft helps in that I am a calmer, less irritated person but I wonder if a medicine for anxiety may help. Thanks for reading this long post. Sometimes I truly feel crazy.

Hello Smileonmyface, welcome to Psych Central.

Well, Zoloft Zoloft: Uses, Dosage, Side Effects & Warnings - Drugs.com apparently is a good drug because it can treat depression, anxiety and OCD symptoms. It does sound to me though like you could do with either an adjustment or an addition to your medication to help with the anxiety. If the anxiety is treated, generally speaking the OCD will become less. Yep, please go and talk to your doctor.

Stay a way from church for a while. It might be a place of unnessary stress for you. You seem to be coping quite well.