How do you make him get help?

I have a 20 yr. old son who refuses to seek psychiatric help. His gf broke up with after almost 3 years but I don't blame her. In these years he has become worse. He has poor hygiene and has gained about 50lbs. He was drinking excessively and then they would fight so he has cut that back. He won't go anywhere in our town. He hates the people in our town, he hates college (although he does so well), he associates with NO one at college, goes to class looks to the ground and goes back to his apartment where he lives alone. He won't go out to eat with his family. He won't sit with us at dinner. If I bring up family vacations he cries. He cries when I talk about the family business. My dad strongly encouraged me to major in business and work for him instead of doing what I really wanted to do. This my son says has ruined him. The fact that I did not do what I wanted?? I think that is an excuse. He worked for the family business for a few years during high school but now refuses to work there due to his issues and that it ruined his life.

I have told him I will not get him a car or give him any money until he seeks help. His family doc has him on lexapro but that is not working. He won't even talk to us about what is going on.

I don't know how to make him get help! He is like 6foot 280lbs so I can't drag him there. Yes, he has gained so much weight. It is so unhealthy.

I am scared for him, for his future.

Hello hopeless85, welcome to Psych Central.

As he is classed as an adult now, I don't think you can force him to seek help unless he is a danger to himself or others. You can talk to him about your concerns and tell him how scared you are for his health but unless he is willing to seek help himself, you are in a difficult position. You could try having a word with his doctor but I'm not sure they are able to do anything unless he is suicidal or a danger in some way. You could try contacting your local mental health charity to see if they have any ideas, different places in the world have different systems so they might be able to give you different advice.

At the moment, I wouldn't worry about his weight. That sounds like it is probably as a result of his depression. What you might want to do is a little research before you approach your son again. See if they have counseling through the college. A lot of schools do. Also find a private therapist or counselor who is skilled with young people and their problems. Then offer your son his choice.

Tell him that sulking and hiding at home is no longer an option. There is no shame in grief or depression, but it also cannot be allowed to continue forever. Offer to drive him to his first appointment or he can go alone, but tell him you want him to go for at least two sessions. You will pay for it.

If he doesn't like the town he lives in then he can start actively investigating some sort of internship program that will take him out of town for part of the summer.There are plenty of service/internship programs for students.

Inactivity begets more inactivity. I wish you and your son the very best.

Holding back on car and money is a good idea. Maybe if he starts taking care of himself, with out any money or material support from family, will encourage him to seek some help for himself.

He also smokes weed a lot but now has no money for it so we will see how his mind becomes. He is very pro-weed and feels there is nothing bad about it. I feel that if you are doing it everyday you have become addicted. This could be why he won't seek professional help because they will tell him to stop.

It's time for him to man up and go get some professional help. Part of smoking dope is being willing to accept the consequences of doing it. Even when it becomes legal everywhere -- and it probably will -- it will be divisive among people. Do him the favor of his life and stop enabling him to hide at your house without even trying to help himself.

This is the way I see it, and I offer my comments with all sincerity. Your son is too young to throw his life away on inactivity.