Roommate in abuse relationship- how can I help??

My roommate and I are both females and in our last year of college. She started dating this guy about 5 months ago. She would come home crying about him a lot during those months and I would tell her that it isn't normal for your boyfriend to make you cry and be so upset so often. Well he broke up with her about 3 weeks ago and she was completely destroyed. Skipping class, binge drinking, crying all the time. But she finally told me everything that he was doing. He constantly called her a slut and other names for things that she did before he even knew her, even though he's slept with way way more people. He would scream at her, get jealous if she spoke to a guy (even his own roommates), ignore her if she made him mad, punched a hole in the wall right next to her once, all kinds of things. I thought I had her convinced that this was abusive, but over spring break they hung out and are now "starting over". She is convinced that he is "the one", but all I see for their future is him following her to work, spying on her to make sure she isn't friends with any other guys, and turning physical any day now. I want to talk to her this week about it because I'm scared for her, and honestly scared for myself if he turns physical in our shared house. Help!

You be considered the outsider if you ever tried to intervene in this situation, and you would be placing your self in direct danger.

Best for you to find another roommate ASAP.

I'm with Thunder Bow ... Intervening could very well put you in harms way.

The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation, and once you've established your own safety, then and only then explain to your friend why you left. Tell her that if she wants to see you in the future it will have to be in a "safe" (public) location without the hostile bully anywhere around.

Tread careful, dear ... These things can turn deadly right quickly! ... Remove yourself from the situation before you say anything, your very life could depend on it!

If there's a local counseling or domestic violence service nearby, contact them for advice on how to safely extricate yourself from this!

Don't rule out law enforcement too if necessary!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Things will only get worse for your roommate. He must be good at manipulating her. It begins with mental abuse and leads to physical abuse. She needs to step back and take a long look at the picture, she can't see it because she is too close to the picture, and being controlled by him. She will blame herself for everything and at that point he will own her.

Maybe you could get her family involved, or someone that she looks up to. Someone that she might listen to, to snap her out of her dream/nightmare.
Find some stories on the internet written by victims of abuse and share them with her. There are organizations out there to help with domestic violence victims and this is what it amounts to. Do something while you still can.

Hello Bananabeep, welcome to Psych Central.

Let's hope that they break up again real soon! Yes you need to keep yourself safe during this, when they break up, make sure that you support her to keep away from him, she deserves much better. Often a female will choose an abusive partner when they feel badly about themselves and have very low self-esteem. Maybe you could give her some literature on that or direct her to this website. If you try to interfere to much it will have the opposite effect and she'll purposely try to prove you wrong so try not to get caught in the middle, again stay safe.

Thank you for all of your replies. I'm only living here until May, so finding another place to stay wouldn't work. She hasn't brought him here at all, probably because she knows I don't approve. She actually told her parents everything that he's done and while they were broken up she told me that they hate him now. She is pretty close to her parents, so I can't believe that she would go back to him after everyone who cares about her told her he is bad news. I've heard and read about abusive relationships, but this is my first personal experience and and just don't want to do something wrong. She is one of my best friends and it kills me that she is putting herself through this.

WOW, Bananbeep that is hard to deal with I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the others here, you need to keep yourself from becoming a target. Unfortunately, there is not much anyone can do in these cases, only they (the victim) can decide when they have had enough to walk away from it for good. My daughter is currently in an abusive relationship so I really understand where you are coming from.