[Something is Wrong]

I don't know why but I get so uncomfortable around good looking people (of both genders). I already know I have poor self-esteem but I get really really really anxious around good looking people. I just can't stop comparing myself.

Because of this I avoid going to so many places that I know attractive people will be around. Especially at school events like dances/ceremonies or something where everybody will be all dressed up. I feel like everybody looks over to me and thinks "ew what is she doing her?" and judge me.

When good looking people talk to me I want to crawl away into my shell away from everybody. I want to put a paperbag over my head and just leave. I can't even look at them in the eye because I constantly think they are judging me. And most of all I don't want to be caught around these attractive people. I feel like if other people see them with me then other people will think bad of them for being seen with such an unattractive person like me. I don't want to bring their rep down just because I have this issue.

Another thing is that I made an online friend and turns out she actually lives really close to me and wants to meet up with me. But the thing is that she's really pretty and it's making me really anxious. I want to tell her no I can't and make some dumb excuse of why I can't meet her. This isn't even the first time I'm passing something like this up. Happened to me before when a girl asked me if we can make a study group but I said no and made an excuse why I couldn't (although the actual truth was because she's really pretty and then there's me who looks like a potato).

I've always suffered from low self-esteem so I'm used to all this and I've already accepted the fact I will forever remain unattractive but what can I do to make myself more confident so I can actually talk to them without coming off as awkward? and also anyway to decrease my anxiety like shaking, blushing etc? Thank you

[Hexagram]

Why place such value on looks?

[Something is Wrong]

Originally Posted by Hexagram

Why place such value on looks?

because unfortunately that is what society revolves around a lot these days :/

[goodnessgracious]

I am sorry that you feel uncomfortable talking to good looking people. I feel the same way too, which is why I have read your post because I can relate to what you are saying. And maybe yes to some extent society does evolve this way to a degree. A client of mine once told me that a study has allegedly shown that "more attractive" people get promoted? I would not believe everything that my clients tell me. But I think that for you and I this means that it is important that we look at strategies for improving our confidence? What about this - have you ever been drawn to a persons magnetism the moment they walk into a room - not because they are attractive but because they exuberate confidence? Maybe you and I can try this.

[Dan208]

I'm the same way, especially when it comes to women. I usually have no problem talking to people I work with,once I get to know them, but there are a few really good looking women I work with that my mind just goes blank when I'm around them.

I can relate to what you're feeling. I have this tall, gorgeous friend. Whenever I'm in the same room as her I, too, am the potato. I often joke that she is the Uma Thurman to my Janeane Garofalo. But what really makes her beautiful is her personality. She's creative, nurturing, smart and funny. Just one of the coolest people you could ever be around. And I would really feel like a potato if I missed out on her just because I felt a little humbled.

I would really try to reach out to your online friend. She wants to meet you for a reason. You've already won her over just by being you. It sounds like your self-esteem is tripping you up real bad here. Just because you don't feel like a bombshell doesn't mean you're not beautiful. Looks are so subjective. If you ever were to meet somebody who spent the entire night thinking you're not up to par then that makes them the only ugly person in the room. And they're not worth your time or energy.

[avlady]

beauty is interior

[HALLIEBETH87]

I'm the same way and especially around people my age. I shut down

[Thunder Bow]

You may have social anxiety. Go ahead and blush. Be yourself. You are better looking than you think. If the anxiety gets overwhelming, seek some help such as a therapist.

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by PinkMoon

I often joke that she is the Uma Thurman to my Janeane Garofalo.

I'd talk to Garofalo over Thurman any day.

[IrisBloom]

Physical looks are fleeting. Today's beauty will be tomorrows wrinkles and age spots. It is good to admire beauty where ever you find it, but beauty does not make the person. I've had friends who started as acquaintances that I thought were ugly, but their character and personality made them beautiful.

I'm sure you have unique qualities that make you an attractive, interesting person. Focus on those.

Therapy can help a lot.

[JadeAmethyst]

Absolutely everyone and every being has beauty, look around and beyond.

[Something is Wrong]

Thank you for all these replies. It means a lot

........

Yeah I know people say that 'beauty comes from the inside' but when a person first sees you what do they see? They see you and make judgements off of your appearance. Because of this I don't even like to go infront of people; I don't like being the center of attention - I don't like people seeing me. It really makes me feel hopeless that I really am stuck the way I am.

@goodnessgracious - Yes, I've heard about the same thing as well. My sister works at a bank and she said her manager gives interviews right away to those people that she deems attractive. My sister also said that when she finds another job she'll refer me to her manager but because of what my sister told me, I don't want that position anymore. My family is full of gorgeous people (some of whom are models) and then there's me who isn't the least bit pretty. I feel like if I go in, the manager will be dissapointed in how I look and it will be shameful for not only my sister but for my whole entire family. It makes me feel hopeless that I won't be able to find a job just because of how I look.

You also mentioned confidence and personality. People say they like my personality because they say I'm funny but I'm very introverted and shy. I can't really be a very confident person because right when I try to crawl out of my shell I get scared and want to go back. I'm just so intimidated by judgement it impacts my decisions a lot.

PinkMoon - Maybe I should see my friend I don't know. What I do know about her though is that she is really centered around people's 'attractiveness' and she sometimes goes on and on about it (a little shallow, though I'm not trying to be mean). As Dan208 said, I feel shot down. I can't even take pictures of myself so she doesn't even know how I look like. I feel like she has a high standard of me that when she sees me she is going to be greatly dissapointed because I won't meet her expectations. I'm very conflicted.

Thunder Bow - Maybe it is Social Anxiety I'm not too sure but whatever it is, it's directly related to my self esteem.

[Thunder Bow]

View old "Twilight Zone" episode: "#12 looks just like you"