[LarryCopano]

When my kid was young I decided to tell him that I was going to tell him three lies, but when he grew up he'd know the truth and know why I lied to him. It was the only way I could tell him about Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and Tooth-Fairy.

I've always been super conscious of not telling lies. And it's not like I've never told any, but I can remember most of them. It feels really bad to lie. I also don't talk much, so that helps.

It's when I look at articles saying how often other people lie, I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I also wonder how anyone can trust anyone if they lie so much.

[Perna]

I am big on telling the truth also. My stepmother use to use/threaten me with the phrase, "The truth if it kills you!" and severely punish me for lying. But I am also genetically linked to a lot of ministers and lawmen, lawyers and others generally known for looking for or upholding the truth? I think there could be a genetic component involved, like there is for being good with sense of direction and a lot of other characteristics we don't even think about but which tendencies are handed down for us to "use" or not as our life events unfold.

Do you not want to tell the truth? I know it is easier for me than for some but I take pride in my honesty, it is one of my favorite characteristics (like taking pride in my nice, wavy hair; clear eyes; and ready smile :-)

[pegasus]

Nothing wrong with you at all, I wish more people were honest like you.

[Alone_and_Afraid]

I am the same way. People get mad because I don't lie. I tell on myself all the time.

[LarryCopano]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Nothing wrong with you at all, I wish more people were honest like you.

Yeah, but you wouldn't want to ask me if your dress makes you look fat!

[LarryCopano]

Originally Posted by Perna

Do you not want to tell the truth? I know it is easier for me than for some but I take pride in my honesty, it is one of my favorite characteristics (like taking pride in my nice, wavy hair; clear eyes; and ready smile :-)

I have taken pride in my honesty but really, when I think about it, I can't help it. I can't lie to get something that I want. I don't think I tell the truth because its the moral thing to do. Perhaps my brain has less white matter than normal; I am pretty aspie-like though I don't I'm really aspie. I know my personality type (INTP) values honesty, but as the same time many INTP's engage in deception.

Maybe I really internalized the story "The boy cried wolf".

Originally Posted by LarryCopano

Yeah, but you wouldn't want to ask me if your dress makes you look fat!

^^That is a subjective, judgmental, comment. Just because you think someone looks fat does not mean they actually do. JMO

[LarryCopano]

Originally Posted by mssofty

^^That is a subjective, judgmental, comment. Just because you think someone looks fat does not mean they actually do. JMO

That was a joke I was making. What I meant is that I'm so honest that you wouldn't want to ask me something if you might not want an honest (and subjective) opinion.

[pegasus]

So you are worried about blurting something out and concerned what other people might think?

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by LarryCopano

That was a joke I was making. What I meant is that I'm so honest that you wouldn't want to ask me something if you might not want an honest (and subjective) opinion.

Don't worry Larry, most of us got it...

[LarryCopano]

Originally Posted by pegasus

So you are worried about blurting something out and concerned what other people might think?

That might have something to do with how little I talk.

First of all, I'm the personality type who doesn't "feel" so much as others. So while I think I'm just stating a fact, I wind up hurting other peoples feelings.

Secondly I'm very weird. I'm transgender and gay and my partner doesn't want me to be out, so that limits what I can talk about.

And thirdly I seem to have a minority opinion of things in general, so it would not make me too well liked if I were to go about spouting my views on... for example: atheism, polyamory, libertarianism, etc. But then, I've never tried to be the most popular kid on the block. I guess I don't want to embarrass my spouse by saying the wrong thing.

[BeBrave483]

I'm the same, I just don't see the point in lying, I don't even think to. And if I have ever said something that's not true, I'd immediately have to say that wasn't true! In a way it doesn't make me realise that other people do lie, which can be a problem sometimes. I'm not sure what else to say. Do you want to be out? I understand you respecting your partner's wishes, and that's really good of you, but I just hope it's not affecting you in a negative way to do so. That's all. I'm always about if you want a chat anytime.

Edit to add: I also don't think being transgender and gay makes you weird. Now I'm weird for a lot of reasons, and I would never want to be anything else lol, but I hope you're not feeling weird in a bad way because of who you are.

[LarryCopano]

Originally Posted by BeBrave483

In a way it doesn't make me realise that other people do lie, which can be a problem sometimes.

Yes I was like that when I was younger. I didn't realize people lied so much and I couldn't sniff out lies. Now I can.

Do you want to be out?

Yes, I do. In fact it feels like lying to not be out. But I understand my spouse has issues too, so we compromise. Actually I am out to a few people, and the people I'm out to have been kind.

I also don't think being transgender and gay makes you weird.

Thank you BeBrave. I did internalize a lot of transphobia growing up. Now I understand that the fear of us is just cultural... there have been many cultures that have respected us. But the shame of not being "normal" is hard to shake, and you can tell I not one to be normal in any other way... but this is still taken as a serious taboo.

[BeBrave483]

Yes, I can understand in a way, with regards my sexuality stuff, though of course I can't fully understand or imagine how you must feel and how hard it must be for you. I'm not saying sexuality is the same thing either, I mean the feeling and fear and shame of not being, or at least feeling "normal"

I mean at the end of the day we're all people, we shouldn't be made feel that way, but sadly it's not an ideal world or we wouldn't need this site. I'm glad the people you're out to have been kind and I really hope that has made it easier. I'm sure you'll have much support here on pc, definetly from me! (I'll never learn to spell that word!)

Edit: I got mixed up a little there, I meant sexuality isn't the same as gender, obviously it's the same as sexuality. Well hopefully you knew what I meant, I had forgotten that part of what you'd said for a second. It's been a long long day...

[healingme4me]

To be honest, often I've discovered that being truthful isn't the worst thing, as there are those in this world that don't believe honesty as it is.
My late stepfather had a running joke, that he just couldn't catch me in a lie. He admired that of me.
As far as limitations with truth, there's ways to be honest and still hold from exposing what needs to be withheld.
I'm in there with the speculative genetic component, ministers, teachers, religious laypersons, etc.

Edit: Fact is stranger than fiction, comes to mind.

[pegasus]

Secondly I'm very weird. I'm transgender and gay and my partner doesn't want me to be out, so that limits what I can talk about.

What about what you want? You sound like someone that needs and wants to be able to talk freely about things. You need to be you and life is very short so this needs to be addressed. It's not good for your mental health to be holding yourself back because someone else doesn't want you to be open.

[*Laurie*]

Honesty can be a wonderful thing...feeling compelled to be honest can be OCD. My husband has OCD quite severely. He feels extremely guilty unless he's entirely honest. There are times when being entirely honest is unwise. Just a thought.

[-jimi-]

My friend says she tells truths, but it is mostly opinions with truth mixed in. Also she says things people already know so it is not for information either.

I also claim I tell the truth. But I rather constantly forgetting there is an option. I get in trouble for answering truthfully. Sometimes I DO understand there is an option (when I know the answer will cause conflict) and I don't know what to say, I get even more mixed up. Of course I take for granted no one lies to me.

The only thing I really lie about is when people ask me how I am. I say I am OK no matter how I feel. THAT one I have learned never to answer truthfully with some people (When they start to demand you say you feel great and also demand you really mean it!).

I see many points in lying. It's just that I like I said, I forget I can. I somehow am deeply programmed to say how it is.

And it's not from lack of imagination either, since I write fiction.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

My friend says she tells truths, but it is mostly opinions with truth mixed in. Also she says things people already know so it is not for information either.

I also claim I tell the truth. But I rather constantly forgetting there is an option. I get in trouble for answering truthfully. Sometimes I DO understand there is an option (when I know the answer will cause conflict) and I don't know what to say, I get even more mixed up. Of course I take for granted no one lies to me.

The only thing I really lie about is when people ask me how I am. I say I am OK no matter how I feel. THAT one I have learned never to answer truthfully with some people (When they start to demand you say you feel great and also demand you really mean it!).

I see many points in lying. It's just that I like I said, I forget I can. I somehow am deeply programmed to say how it is.

And it's not from lack of imagination either, since I write fiction.

I like that post, jimi

[LarryCopano]

Originally Posted by pegasus

You need to be you and life is very short so this needs to be addressed. It's not good for your mental health to be holding yourself back because someone else doesn't want you to be open.

I thank you for your support.

I realize it is not good for me to be in the closet. It also would not be good for me to divorce this person who I love and he loves me.

A lot of people say that if a person won't let you be yourself than they don't really love you, but I disagree. He is fine with me being a man...he is simply not courageous enough to let anyone else know. I know his family; they would disown him. He is black and in upper management and has to deal with racism as it is, so adding "married to a tranny" to his plate, he fears getting fired from his job. We all have issues. I'm trying to be patient with his.

I have told a few people... my college friends that I see on FB... and a few people in my church, so I'm not totally alone.