[regulartetragon]

Hi. I am curious if this is a sign of anything... actually, to be honest with myself, I'm looking for a fast response and a cold truth of nothing wrong with me. Or maybe there is. I don't know.

I have a need for attention. I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I don't think it's a result.

Basically, I sometimes hope for bad things to happen to me so I can have attention and sympathy. Like I once hoped I would get kidnapped and brutally beaten just to have my band director's (and others) sympathy. Or wish for my parents to traumatize me enough that I'll get upset during school and a teacher will sympathize for me.

I've also gone in to see a school counselor with the hopes of getting diagnosed with depression (It was really stupid at the time but I had worried I might have had it and I was somewhat... hopeful that I would).

I cannot remember how long this has happened, but I know (or maybe I think I do) that when I was younger I wanted scars or something (really just for the reason of thinking they look cool).

This also sometimes ties with me being really impulsive. Like in the heat of a moment where I get in an argument with my parents I'll send someone a text that overdramatizes the situation.

And I can't help it, then, either. I can't think through my impulses and weigh the pros and cons. I'll do it anyway, even after all the work of deciding it's a bad idea and has many negative consequences.

[CANDC]

Regulartetragon, I am sorry you are in distress. Sometimes what we suffer from is growing pains or if we are not functional a psychiatrist can diagnose our condition. A therapist can help talk through childhood traumas.

I work as a volunteer here at Psych Central and am glad to hear from people like yourself in a forum post or a private message.

So glad you joined the Psych Central community. I have felt it is a safe and nurturing environment. Hope you feel comfortable here too.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Crazy Hitch]

I don't know the underlying reason behind why you do this, but it's an interesting post. Interesting to me because I think that you show a great deal of insight into this situation. You are self aware too. You realise that this "attention behaviour" is possibly not necessarily serving your own mental health well in the long run?

I always say if something doesnt' serve you well then you need to look at what you need to change in order to achieve a sense of peace within yourself because it doesn't seem to me like this behaviour is necessarily working out for you.

I hope that you are able to substitute strategies and use different methods to show people that you care about them and they will care for you in return if they believe that your intent is to form meaningful friendships.

I think you can do this