[regulartetragon]

Hi.

When I moved, 2-3 years ago, I became very quiet and withdrawn with no urge to speak or be sociable. My grades also plummeted in school because I found I could not put forth any effort despite having done the homework and projects.

During this time I had seen a counselor because I had been in states of feeling absolutely nothing and I was concerned. She told me it was fight or flight and I had thought I was in a perpetual fight or flight.

However, this year I feel I got better. And improved past the mark. Feeling like I did was miserable for those few years and I now get that it wasn't exactly normal... I think it was because I started interacting with people more. There were students in my school that kept talking to me and I think they did me a world of good, for now I feel much better and real than before. Except instead of feeling miserable I feel horribly insecure and more affected by what's said of me and to me.

And I keep talking. About everything. Other people, myself (rather arrogantly - despite believing none of it) and I cannot take anything seriously and joke constantly. I feel even worse about myself when I realize how much I talk about others poorly ( I didn't care much for my self image before, but now I'm basically bashing myself all the time with self hatred sometimes).

Sometimes if I stop talking though, I feel like I'm relapsing to before. Some qualities of myself then I liked, like being able to stay quiet and not really mind my self image or anything. And some qualities of now I like, like my occasional ability to be social and actually step out and be enthusiastic and eccentric sometimes (however only occasionally do I like this, other times it will cause more self loathing) but if there's anything I don't want, it's the feeling I got from before.

But I also hate the self loathing from talking too much and being insecure. and the constant joking leads me to get in trouble... Because people can't tell.

And I can only have one or the other at this moment. Is there anything I can do to help balance these two? I'm not diagnosed and they aren't like within days. This is a yearly difference but I don't want to feel either way.

Any help??

[Thunder Bow]

Consent talking is like a Mania. One will often talk-a-lot when feeling depressed, such as what you were experiencing. Treat this as depression. If it is overwhelming see a therapist for the depression side of this.

[Crazy Hitch]

Thank for the post, it's an interesting point that you made. I don't know the reason behind going from one point (no talking) to the other. But yes, I can understand when you say the jokes get you in trouble, it's probably because people do not understand the underlying reason behind why you do this.

I think sort of, the fact that you have used labels like "arrogant" .... "constant joking" ....

Maybe these are some areas you can investigate looking in to and start brainstorming solutions on how you can manage / change these if you're in the same social situation again?

Let us know how you go.

[pegasus]

Hello regulartetragon,

Nothing wrong with talking, I'd be more concerned if you were quiet and withdrawn. It does sound like you have an old 'parent' tape in your head that says that you shouldn't talk and joke around. That harsh voice in your head is very critical, you can teach that inner voice to allow yourself to chat away and enjoy it, we are not all perfect and sometimes we all say things we regret, that's part of life!

[*Laurie*]

My mom, a very bright and thoughtful woman, was a compulsive talker. She was terribly lonely and, I think, very frightened of being alone. She'd talk non-stop to a point at which people would very obviously avoid her. Sometimes I'd be close to tears (seriously) on the telephone; I couldn't get her off the phone. Compulsive talking can be a real problem.