[A Hobbit]

I read these forums every night but I haven't been participating because I can't afford mental treatment, so I don't know what my diagnosis is - if I even have one - but I wonder about something...

Do you feel as if you able to fool others?

Specifically, are you able to behave in front of others in a way as to portray a calm, collected, "normal" demeanor? Do you have the ability to infuse those you have contact with the notion that you are well put together, that you have everything under control?

If so, do you think this ability to "act" is beneficial, or a detriment to your overall well-being?

I have always been able to project an air that leads others to believe that I am in excellent shape when, internally, I am a complete catastrophe. Even my wife thinks I am well put-together. So much so that she has a hard time accepting that I am not.

Does it ever cause you to consider that you are, in fact, just fine?

I must be crazy if I feel that I am suffering from an illness when , in fact, I am not.

I wish I could afford an evaluation. But I wonder if I could trust the diagnosis.

Can you go to a local government run clinic for an evaluation? The county you are in likely has one.

I faked "normal" for years and it caught up with me in a bad way. I don't take my illness out on other people, so to speak, but I'm more comfortable with who I am now....part of which is having chronic illness.

[LettinG0]

I most definitely have always been able to "fool" others and appear 'normal - whatever that is' and put-together.

It has also been a detriment to my well-being and still is because I have absolutely no one that understands the severity of my MI struggles, no one to lean on as part of my self-care plan, and no one to be accountable to....

I, too, think there should be some "low-cost" option for you to receive mental health care. And, I hope that you look into it and find a way to take care of yourself soon.

I am from neighboring MS.....PM me if you would like....

[Thunder Bow]

Maybe inside you want to be crazy, but in reality you are "well put together". I say stay with who you are, I see you as being strong and stable. No need to undermine yourself.

[A Hobbit]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Can you go to a local government run clinic for an evaluation? The county you are in likely has one.

I faked "normal" for years and it caught up with me in a bad way. I don't take my illness out on other people, so to speak, but I'm more comfortable with who I am now....part of which is having chronic illness.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my thread. As you can see by the start date compared to today, I haven't had it in me to respond. I need to look into a government run clinic. I thank you for the help

[A Hobbit]

Originally Posted by LettinG0

I, too, think there should be some "low-cost" option for you to receive mental health care. And, I hope that you look into it and find a way to take care of yourself soon.

I am from neighboring MS.....PM me if you would like....

Thank you for the response. I really appreciate it. It turns out that I thought I had my wife fooled. She told me (in her customary gentle way) that I'm not fooling anybody. I think she has found a sliding scale clinic. I just haven't brought myself to calling yet.

Again, thank you

[A Hobbit]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Maybe inside you want to be crazy, but in reality you are "well put together". I say stay with who you are, I see you as being strong and stable. No need to undermine yourself.

Perhaps you are right. Maybe I'm merely seeking attention. I suppose if I can get over myself I would find that all is just fine.

Thank you for your insight/viewpoint. I appreciate you caring enough to help

[waggiedog]

Hello dear A Hobbit and thankyou for posting concerning your worries. I really REALLY don't believe for one minute that there has been nothing at all wrong with you and it's simply down to ''attention seeking'' Wow, oh how I detest that saying. You know, that's exactly what was written on my Psych hospital notes after I had a succession of ''in~patient'' some 30 years ago, and two more recent stays (5 years ago approx.) I am extremely ANGRY that on my notes from way back when it was written that I was an ''attention seeker'' and a ''time waster/episodes of mania/anorexia/bulimia'' ~~ mostly I was in hospital after suffering awful depressions which led to suicide attempts. I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt I was very ill with something, and it all commenced when I was around 18/19 years old. It was only around 5 years ago that I received a correct diagnosis, that turned out to be Borderline Personality Disorder and that brought with it all of the other awful symptoms I named above. Receiving that official diagnosis was such an incredible relief to me! At last after all those years I finally got told what all those terrible years of suffering were about. As soon as I had the official diagnosis, it meant the Psych Dr started trying different meds. These proved to be life savers, not because suddenly I was ''cured'', as there is no actual cure, but the meds evened out my violent mood swings. All through the years I simply ''pretended'' that I was fine, to the outside world, but behind closed doors in my parents house I was a complete Jeckle and Hide, making my poor family tip toe round on egg shells frightened to upset me. PLEASE PLEASE seek professional help because I for one totally believe you may need help, it could be life changing for you and your wife. Anything's got to be better than carrying on as you are now. xx

I've heard the expression used "You present well". (It was by a social worker.) I think that it can be either helpful or harmful, depending on the situation. If you need help very badly, "presenting well" can keep you from getting it, because you don't look or sound or appear as though things are really very bad.

Overall, I think I'd choose to present well and just learn that I have to be assertive if I'm telling someone that I have a problem. I've found that good doctors often understand this, because they are usually "good presenters" themselves.

As far as trusting a diagnosis, an in-depth psychological assessment (I'm talking like 90 minutes-2 hours, not 2 days in-depth) asks lots of questions and asks them in different ways.

The conclusion is based both on how you answer those questions and the opinion of the interviewer. The interviewer will not just evaluate you on how you present, but on what you say.

I wish I could afford an evaluation.

Resources vary from state to state and county to county, but the state I live in (a red one) supports a few mental health agencies that accept patients that don't have health insurance.

You can call United Way at 211 and ask them if your county/city has anything like this or you can do an internet search for "psychiatric care for uninsured/no insurance for MY COUNTY, MY STATE" and you'll probably find some sources.

If you have health insurance but it has lousy mental health coverage, like I used to, it still doesn't hurt to check with the state-supported agencies. Sometimes they will still help you, or help you for a low co-pay.

[chimera17]

I feel this way too. I have felt that way for a long time.

I had a conversation with my husband the other day, and he let me know that I'm not fooling him as much as I thought I was, but in some ways he really doesn't get just how close to the edge I am.

I hope you are able to find someone to talk to - even if just online like this, but even better if the clinic you mentioned works out.

[Dan208]

Several people have told me that I carry myself well, seem confident, etc. I've only told a couple of people about my mental health issues and they had no idea. So, I think I hide it pretty well, but inside I'm a complete mess.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[A Hobbit]

Originally Posted by waggiedog

PLEASE PLEASE seek professional help because I for one totally believe you may need help, it could be life changing for you and your wife. Anything's got to be better than carrying on as you are now. xx

Thank you for your taking the time to offer advice and support. It is a kind gesture and I really appreciate it.

I'm sure I will be seeing somebody soon - my wife seems to really be encouraging it. She thinks that I may need to go back on medication. But, honestly, I don't want to do all that again. I get a little (probably more than) paranoid about the Mental Health field. But, we'll see what happens as I don't think I'll be able to talk her out of it this time.