[almasgemelas]

Hello, I hope you’re well, for the past 5 years or so I’ve been really struggling but it’s very on and off, and I was wondering if I could explain what’s been happening so I could have a second opinion about whether to go to the doctors about it. I’m not looking for a diagnosis, I’m just struggling to tell if this is just my personality and flaws or if it could be something more. My symptoms don’t seem to have the severity of other people and I really don’t want to reach out for help only to be told there’s nothing wrong with me (it happened before for a physical problem – the doctor made me feel really silly for going and 6 years later, the problem still hasn’t gone away!) Searching through online resources has only made me more confused and wary of reaching out.

So my recent symptoms are mainly being completely unable to deal with stress, the stress of my uni work mainly. Sometimes I completely shut down and just completely ignore everything I have to do and stare for hours at things I don’t care about, feeling awful but doing nothing to change it, and generally feeling dead inside. Other times, often in situations where I feel trapped and can’t just instantly leave, I feel like I either can’t breathe or feel like I’m going to hyperventilate. The worst time was during a group presentation, whilst my friends were presenting I started shaking like a leaf and trying really hard not to cry and trying not to hyperventilate (I have never actually hyperventilated, I just feel like I’m going to). I almost had to leave during the exam but I was too afraid of causing my friends grades to drop. To make things worse, (TMI warning) the stress gives me a really bad upset stomach, which has stopped more stressing about the exams themselves, and started making me stress about actually getting through the exams without hyperventilating or having an upset stomach.


I have also had eating issues, mainly binging, which I kind of took up after I stopped self-harming 3 and a half years ago. I don’t know if binging is the right word because it doesn’t necessarily happen in a short-time span or in as large amounts as it does to other people. But I do keep eating, well beyond the point to which it is painful, and often just because I want the food to go so I don’t have to stress about it anymore. When I go on a diet, because of the weight gained by binging, it’s such a relief, but it’s still draining because no matter whether I’m binging or dieting, food is still such a big part of what’s on my brain and it’s so exhausting having been in a battle with my body for so many years. The binging thing also makes the upset stomach worse, and I’m petrified that the amount of sugar and bad food I eat is going to give me diabetes or heart problems.. which I am afraid I might already have symptoms of but I’m a paranoid person so probably not. I am also really incapable of eating a normal amount, I honestly can’t remember a time when I haven’t overeaten or undereaten. I am also very bad at self-care so eating healthy doesn’t tend to happen either (neither does keeping anything clean or not in a state, including myself, but I’m probably just lazy idk)


Thank you if you read all this and sorry to unload it on you guys, I just feel like this could all be my personality and me being too much in my head and being influenced by things I see online. I feel like I’m simultaneously talking myself into and out of going to the doctor. So if anyone has any advice or thoughts, you have no idea how grateful I would be.

[Skeezyks]

Hello almasgemelas: Gee... it certainly sounds to me as though you are struggling with some fairly serious depression & anxiety issues and possibly developing an eating disorder to boot. I'm surprised that you are questioning if this is all of any significance. From my perspective, it certainly is. You wrote at the end of your post that you thought perhaps this is just your personality. Well... yes... but a mood disorder (depression & anxiety) is a part of the personality. Of course this is part of your personality. But it is a part that is not serving you well. Are you too much in you head? Yes, this is probably true. But, here again, this is part of what struggling with depression & anxiety are about. And, as far as being influenced by things you see on-line... well... I suspect every internet user on the planet has that problem! It's a possibility we all have to keep tucked in the back of our minds.

Personally, I would have to say that it is my perspective you are mostly in denial & working overtime to try to stay there. I certainly understand your concern regarding your previous doctor experience; having a doctor make you feel silly about going in for treatment. I have had this happen multiple times in the past. It certainly is an off-putting experience. But this should not deter you from seeking treatment for your mental health struggles.

Perhaps the best way to get started would be to seek the services of a therapist with whom you can discuss your struggles. You don't have to have a diagnosable mental illness to see a therapist. Lots of people see therapists simply to help them to resolve difficult situations in their lives. Then, if you & your therapist decide that it would be appropriate for you to see a psychiatrist, you can go ahead with that having the assurance that another mental health professional agrees this would be a good idea.

I'll tell you that I had similar experiences to the ones you describe when I was in college many years ago. I denied what was happening. I stuffed down the anxiety, the depression, & the fear. I have said, under other circumstances, that if denial were blankets, I'd have been crushed by the weight! I managed to keep going like this literally for half a century before it all came crashing down. But come crashing down it did. One can only bury this kind of agony for so long. Please do not follow in my footsteps. They don't lead anywhere you want to go... I wish you well...

[mugwort2]

Your symptoms, situation seems rather complicated to me. Please don't take offense I don't mean it that way. The key phrase to me "other times. Seems like there are somatic symptoms, ie symptoms affecting your body. I suspect these are either caused or worsened by stress or both possibilities. I'm glad you're not self harming. Great news. Seems like real issues with the lure of food in your life. To answer your question is Yes its good to see an MD or DO to make sure there is nothing physical. I can somewhat relate to your food issues. I find it so hard to lose weight because of emotional eating. I'm female, 5'2 and weigh 164 lbs.

[avlady]

i agree with both above. as for the doctor situation, don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch is what comes to my mind. the help of a therapist would also be great!

[JJORANGE]

I feel like i was just reading something I wrote about myself. You described almost everything I was/am going through however I also have a bad disassociation problem, thats one of the things were working on in therapy as it usually happens while driving. Although I do have some trauma in my history. You might as well (not suggesting you do but don't know, just saying you never mentioned anything). I've also gone to my family physician and did blood tests

I Started seeing a therapist after one particular bad night in Sept. I ordered a large pizza and wings, the pizza was doughy because it wasn't cooked long enough and the wings were gross and fatty. And i still ate all of it, after feeling like crap, both physically and mentally because of how much I just ate, I googled some therapist and set up a few appointments. Now i've been seeing one, once a week since Sept.

I would suggest trying out a therapist. even just going to the consult, as most provide a free 30 mins just as a test drive. Seeing what they say and figuring out if they can help.