[bsox226]

Hi, forum!
I'm new to PsychCentral, so please excuse any taboo informalities that I am not aware of :-)

Anyway, I am really confused on how/what I am feeling at the moment. I am a 20 year old male and for the past 5 summers off of school, I have taken care of two siblings: a boy (15) and a girl (11). This past summer was the 5th summer being their "manny" (male-nanny lol.) I would literally keep them with me from 8am to 6pm Monday-Friday, May through mid-September. So, naturally, I have become very close to them. Their father is currently not in the picture, and I feel like they (and I) have created a different type of bond because of that. Because I was with them so much, doing everything for them, (i.e. making lunches, entertaining them, taking them to eat dinner, etc) and as bad as it sounds, I almost felt like a "father figure."

Well the last day of me watching them came, and I became a completely different person after that day. I have been extra "down" and constantly think about and wonder how the kids are doing, even though they keep in constant contact with me. I feel like I am missing a small piece of myself, and its such a huge adjustment going from having such a huge responsibility of keeping them and ensuring they're safe, to now not having that responsibility everyday. I do occasionally keep them when they are not in school, and my personality takes a complete 360° turn. I will be keeping them again this coming summer, so that does help knowing that.

But, I guess my question is: is there something wrong with me? Is it normal to miss the kids like I do? I am otherwise not the type of person to become attached to others, but this is different..and I am having a hard time putting it into words/thoughts, and I would appreciate your opinions/insights.

Thanks in advance!

[*Laurie*]

Hi bsox226, What you're experiencing is grief. Grief over a huge loss...the two children, the time with them, the meaning they provide in your life...all of it.

I don't see a single thing wrong with how your feeling. Except that it hurts

[PresidipPirate]

I went through the same thing, recently, when my husband's job moved us out of state and I left behind a boy I had helped raise (as his Nanny) from 6 weeks to 5 years. I felt bad about crying and being so sad, but then I realized: what kind of person would I be if I WASN'T upset about the situation? There would be something very wrong with me if I could walk away from the boy and not be hurting. Plus, I have guilt feelings, because I know I have caused him sadness, but I know that I gave him my best, every day, and that he knows I loved him. I understand, now, what I'm felling is normal and I hope you will too.

I agree with LauraBeth. It sounds completely normal to me that you would experience grief and feel loss after going from seeing the kids every day to only seeing them occasionally. The fact that you've spent five summers with them only makes your bond to them stronger.

It's painful to experience what you're feeling, but it's really a sign of psychological health and shows that you are able to bond with children.

I don't know if it's something you'd want to do, but finding a job or volunteer work where you can spend time with children might be something you'd like.

It sounds very human. I wasn't their nanny but I had some nieces and nephews that I was extremely close to and very involved in their lives as children. As they grew up some of the relationships changed and although the love is still there and I still keep in touch with a few... I miss them as they were as children though. Very much.

[bsox226]

Originally Posted by George H.

It sounds very human. I wasn't their nanny but I had some nieces and nephews that I was extremely close to and very involved in their lives as children. As they grew up some of the relationships changed and although the love is still there and I still keep in touch with a few... I miss them as they were as children though. Very much.

Thank you, George, for your response. I guess memories can instill such powerful emotions in people, especially memories of those we love. Thanks again for your response.

[bsox226]

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

Hi bsox226, What you're experiencing is grief. Grief over a huge loss...the two children, the time with them, the meaning they provide in your life...all of it.

I don't see a single thing wrong with how your feeling. Except that it hurts

Thank you, LauraBeth--your post really did help with understanding where I am and why I am where I am in my thoughts. I guess you really never know how good something/someone is until they are gone! Definitely taught me how to be more appreciative of the time we have with others.

[psyco123]

hi bsox226,

thanks for being brave enough to share your talk about things that you are unsure about, can often help others to have the confidence to do the same and it’s only then they are able to get some support, so well done for that. It’s also great that you are so aware of what’s going on for you.
I’d like to say that developing attachments in the way you describe is understandable, especially when someone is treating you kindly and with respect and giving back the love. At the same time, it sounds like you find it quite strange.

it's a good idea to think about boundaries with people who you don’t know very well. What I mean by this is that it is important to learn quite a bit about someone before getting too attached or close. Very sadly, not all people are as honest as we would like and this is why is it wise to be careful and think seriously when we feel keen to give and receive affection.