[lemns]

Hello, im new. I have adhd, but my question is about something else.

I moved into a lady's house a couple months ago now. At first I just thought she was eccentric, but now im getting worried. I dont dislike her, she just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Do any of these things strike you as strange?

- This first one is hard to explain. I noticed that she parrots what she hears. somebody will tell her something and the next day she speaks of it as if she knew it for ages and is teaching this new information. even if -i- am the one who told her someth8ng, she will tell me it the next day like she knows it all and i didnt know it. she will hear someone say they dont or do like something and pretty soon she will say she hates/loves that thing too, for the exact same reason.

- she wont use her dishwasher at all. today she told me to stop using the dish drainer and just immediately dry dishes with paper towels and put them away. I said that is wasteful, just let them air dry. she said its her house and she wants them dried her way.

- she said i could put my own window ac before i moved in. then after i moved in she changed her mind and said no. now she said i cant use the central air because it runs up the electricity. so i have no way to cool off at all.

- she said full laundry and kitchen priveleges, but she looks annoyed when i cook or use the dishes, and told me to only use the weakest washer setting because it uses too much water. my clothes dont get clean on that setting.

- she also got offended when i declined her cooking even though i said i dont like that kind of food many times. she keeps insisting i 'try' this or that, but when i offer to buy or make dinner she refuses to try any of it because she doesnt like it. now i dont care, it doesnt bother me. so why would she get offended if i do the same? i think its really weird.

- she complains about the electricity a lot like shes guilting me or hinting for me to chip in, even though the rental agreement says utilities included and im already paying overpriced rent for that neighborhood.

- she has a certain beleif she follows and insults other peoples beleifs, then says shes respectful of all people. i told her more than once that what she says is offensive and she ignores me.

- she interrupts, asks a question and doesnt let me answer, walks into my room and wakes me up without any concern for my rest or privacy. she wants me to drop what im doing to pay attention to her. she also enters my room when im not home.

- she says she will do something, then the next day changes her mind. small and significant things both. even on rental conditions which annoys me. ive also caught her in lies and i think she acts forgetful to cover it up. what is weird is that the lies are about insignificant things nobosy would care about.


There are more things, but this changing her mind all the time about almost everything is really weird to me. the repeating things she hears is even stranger.

Either way, i think im going to move because im very uncomfortable, but is she just an average eccentric person, or does she have some sort of PD?

[Thunder Bow]

Move Out and forget about her. She has control issues, and seems to be on the nutty side.

I was going to say that you are living with an ODD person, but I see that Thunder Bow has already covered that ground.

She very likely does have a diagnosable PD. I don't know enough about PDs to say. Probably someone else will be able to give you a better answer.

I rented a room from someone once, and they had a few of the traits that you have listed, but not all of them, dear God!

I have met people before who do the hearing things then presenting them as their own idea. It's extremely odd. I was never sure if they had a bad memory or just why they would do that.

Moving sounds like the best idea.

[(JD)]

If she is elderly, it could be aging... thriftiness and fear of not having enough money... and being set in your own ways (having lived alone for a long time) makes change hard and uncomfortable. Maybe she agreed to rent out because of money issues, or family urging her and she really doesn't want to?

She doesn't sound dangerous. Be nice. See if you can have one more adult conversation and agree to write things down (two copies) so she can remember what you agree upon... but in the meanwhile look for another place...I doubt she can change.

[vonmoxie]

She clearly has some trouble with boundaries.. doesn't bode well that her behaviors towards you sound more like a dysfunctional mother's towards her child.

Summer's pretty well over in most of the U.S., but if you will still need an a.c. unit this time of year where you live, I would suggest assuring her you will use the unit as sparingly as possible, and remind her that she agreed to let you put one in. If it was me, that would be an absolute non-negotiable, but then my body has some inherent trouble with thermoregulation.

Otherwise, I would just keep my communications short and sweet with her. Smile and speak in platitudes to keep the peace, would be my advice. She sounds to me like she could be somewhere in the Cluster B construct, maybe a combination of borderline and narcissistic traits.. if it helps towards having empathy for her (especially at those times when you're more tempted not to), those traits tend to be the result of some fairly unfortunate (and in her case probably very well buried) childhood experiences. I would imagine the same holds true for ODD, though I don't have as intimate an understanding of that construct.

But I'd be keeping my eye out for a new place in the meantime.

[lemns]

No, she's not elderly. She's middle aged.

She did mention that she was neglected when she was younger, and I do feel bad about that, but her current habits don't seem to be compatible with roommates. She is much too rigid.

For me, the drying dishes thing was the straw that broke the camel's back. I've been trying to be patient but I need my air conditioner because I really do live in a place that is hot all year round and I also have problems regulating my temperature for medical issues. I have already told her that and she just brushes it off.

Actually, I've told her that she was being inconsiderate to me a few times over a few things . It seems that she doesn't really care about anyone's problems but her own. I will be in the middle of a sentence expressing a serious concern , and she will interrupt me to talk about something silly like her nail polish color . My sympathy is running a little thin now.

Can use it strikes me as really really weird but she would keep repeating anything she hears as her own thoughts. They can completely contradict an opinion she previously expressed, and she will still agree with it.

I think this scares me the most, because when she first met me she was very friendly. But when her friend told her to be careful of roommates because they can be drug addicts and/or Killers, she started acting suspicious towards me and asking me weird questions.

How can you let someone influence your judgment that easily? I felt like screaming Do you have no opinion of your own? But I haven't said anything so far because she seems like the type to take it very very hard and I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I really do feel uncomfortable and I don't like it here.

[vonmoxie]

Originally Posted by lemns

But when her friend told her to be careful of roommates because they can be drug addicts and/or Killers, she started acting suspicious towards me and asking me weird questions.

How can you let someone influence your judgment that easily? I felt like screaming Do you have no opinion of your own? But I haven't said anything so far because she seems like the type to take it very very hard and I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I really do feel uncomfortable and I don't like it here.

I think she might indeed take hearing that very hard; I know someone very like your description of her, and it seems to me that the inability to form one's own opinions, coupled with the inclination to very easily take certain other people's on, is based on an extremely fragile sense of identity and self esteem.

That's very irresponsible of her friend, who surely knows how suggestible she is, to make her paranoid by saying such things. With the person I know who is like this, I am very careful not to make statements to her that would take advantage of her suggestibility. But I'm constantly hearing from her about some cockamamie thing other friends of hers have told her that she takes right to the bank. Thank goodness she at least stopped going to psychics. Heavens.

It is definitely a behavior trait that can be kind of maddening. Could drive the pope to drink, as they say... Good luck. Stay safe.

[Nammu]

I can't say what's wrong but me, I'd be out looking for a different place to live, especially if you have pay for living there....kinda sounds it should be the other way about.

[~Christina]

M.O.V.E. as soon as possible.

[kennyc]

Yep. If you are paying rent, you have rights. But as others have said, this seems a bad situation if it can't be resolved and the best option would be to move.

Originally Posted by lemns

Hello, im new. I have adhd, but my question is about something else.

I moved into a lady's house a couple months ago now. At first I just thought she was eccentric, but now im getting worried. I dont dislike her, she just makes me feel uncomfortable.

Do any of these things strike you as strange?

- This first one is hard to explain. I noticed that she parrots what she hears. somebody will tell her something and the next day she speaks of it as if she knew it for ages and is teaching this new information. even if -i- am the one who told her someth8ng, she will tell me it the next day like she knows it all and i didnt know it. she will hear someone say they dont or do like something and pretty soon she will say she hates/loves that thing too, for the exact same reason.

- she wont use her dishwasher at all. today she told me to stop using the dish drainer and just immediately dry dishes with paper towels and put them away. I said that is wasteful, just let them air dry. she said its her house and she wants them dried her way.

- she said i could put my own window ac before i moved in. then after i moved in she changed her mind and said no. now she said i cant use the central air because it runs up the electricity. so i have no way to cool off at all.

- she said full laundry and kitchen priveleges, but she looks annoyed when i cook or use the dishes, and told me to only use the weakest washer setting because it uses too much water. my clothes dont get clean on that setting.

- she also got offended when i declined her cooking even though i said i dont like that kind of food many times. she keeps insisting i 'try' this or that, but when i offer to buy or make dinner she refuses to try any of it because she doesnt like it. now i dont care, it doesnt bother me. so why would she get offended if i do the same? i think its really weird.

- she complains about the electricity a lot like shes guilting me or hinting for me to chip in, even though the rental agreement says utilities included and im already paying overpriced rent for that neighborhood.

- she has a certain beleif she follows and insults other peoples beleifs, then says shes respectful of all people. i told her more than once that what she says is offensive and she ignores me.

- she interrupts, asks a question and doesnt let me answer, walks into my room and wakes me up without any concern for my rest or privacy. she wants me to drop what im doing to pay attention to her. she also enters my room when im not home.

- she says she will do something, then the next day changes her mind. small and significant things both. even on rental conditions which annoys me. ive also caught her in lies and i think she acts forgetful to cover it up. what is weird is that the lies are about insignificant things nobosy would care about.


There are more things, but this changing her mind all the time about almost everything is really weird to me. the repeating things she hears is even stranger.

Either way, i think im going to move because im very uncomfortable, but is she just an average eccentric person, or does she have some sort of PD?

I think you need to pinch some pennies and GET OUT OF THERE. It isn't going to get better and if you can get a place cheaper that is all inclusive, I'd do it. Anyone who can't respect your privacy, your agreements or anyone else; they are not worth being around. She is just going to drive you into a corner and you could end up doing one of two things; getting depressed because you hold it all in or get really PO'ed and go off on her. Neither is good. Hang in there Lem!

[amandalouise]

lems Im sorry but we are not this persons treatment providers therefore we are not able to make a definitive diagnosis of what her problem is...

what I can say is that for many people what you posted is completely normal.

also many people who rent out a room in their homes to others do either require a renter to be conscious of the way that they use the utilities, and to not waste water, electric.... especially if this person you are renting from is in a limited income (example not working and receiving SSI,SSDI or welfare) these state assistance only allow so much for things like electricity.

there is nothing wrong with not using an air conditioner. it wasnt so long ago when there was no such thing as an air conditioner and people survived, they did so with ice cubes, cool wet wash cloths, keeping hydrated with lots of cold ice water, and other iced or cold beverages, wearing light colored, and light cotton fabrics and shorts,... my own house is not equipped with an air conditioner, or fan, due to the cost of electricity. theres also lakes and pools for swimming and getting cooled off in the summer time. i bet if you sat down and thought about it you could find ways to stay cool without needing to cause the electric bill to increase beyond what is affordable for you and this lady you are renting a room from.

doing your dishes by washing them and wiping them right way is just a common courtesy if you have room mates, for one thing by doing this is saves the dishes from getting hair, dust, pollen on them during the summer time when most people have their windows open for the fresh air and cool breeze. If you dont like washing and drying your own dishes right away, maybe you can set aside some of your money for paper plates and disposable utensils. this way you eat and throw away rather than taking the time to wash and wipe your dishes.

by the way most towns and cities do have rules that allow the home owner to know what is going on in their homes when they rent out a room in their home to someone, but if this is an apartment building and you have your own apartment then they have to give you 24 hour notice before entering. since this is inside this lady's private home may not be covered by renters laws of expected privacy. what you can do is ask the city government of the city you live in if you are allowed to buy a lock for your door while renting in someones private home rather than an apartment building.. if they say yes thats your rights to do that, then you can talk with this lady and buy your own padlock and pad lock bracket for the door,

as for her changing her mind...well all people change their minds from time to time. I bet i f you think about it you will remember a time when someone wanted you to do something and you said yes then later decided not to do that with them. you said you have ADHD well for some people with adhd change is something thats hard to get used to and is upsetting when it happens but its just part of life, things change and people do change their minds.

ok now you have some choices to make...

you can stay there or you can decide to move somewhere else.

if you stay then you may need to understand that you may be paying rent but you are living in someone elses home, so you will need to uphold that persons rules, just like if you had a home and you invited someone to live in your home you would expect them to go by your rules.

the choice is yours. good luck in what ever you decide to do.

No amount of showing her your contract and rental rules is going to disuade this woman. Look for something else.

She obviously has some anxiety issues and a Personality Disorder of some kind. It's that she lacks empathy is the bothersome for me.

[kennyc]

It's no wonder she had a cheap room to rent....

[Mountainbard]

I agree with Christina. Moving is your best option.

[BlueEyedMama]

At the very least she seems set in her ways. If you can afford it I would move. Home should be the one place you feel safe and comfortable in this world. Good luck!!