[Humpty Dumpty]

I am suffering from deep depression. I have uncontrollable "spells" (can't think of a better term) of crying that are getting worse. It was to the point today where I was sobbing. I am thinking of going to a mental hospital to look into their Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) & their Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP). I have been burned before at a different hospital by trying this and they locked me up against my will. So I learned from that not to even admit you're even slightly suicidal. What else do I need to avoid saying so they won't hold me against my will?
Should I just avoid the hospital all together?
I don't need an adult daycare. I need help.

Crying spells are just part of depression and not a need to go to the hospital thing. Suicidality on the other hand is different, have you got someone staying with you? Have you got a therapist? Or a psychiatrist? Hospital is more for crisis or inmediate safety.

I'm coming at this from another direction. Is being hospitalized such a bad thing? Your illness is bad enough that you recognise you do need help - which is a good thing. If being an inpatient is a bad thing try demonstrating to them why. Make a plan regarding what you think you should say. Explain why being an inpatient won't work for you. Maybe it's the responsibilities you have (I'm guessing). I think the only reason they would keep you is because you are thinking of hurting yourself or are experiencing psychotic thoughts. You came across in your post as being level headed.

HumptyDumpty, i feel for you. I understand what you are saying. Where I live if you even mention thoughts like that to anyone the police automatically remove you from your home and lock you up against your will. Most people don't talk to each other because of it and they isolate making it worse for themselves. Find a few friends that you can talk to. I mentioned to my therapist that i felt like i had nothing to live for. She automatically drilled me about the big S. I said i am going through a divorce and feel a great sense of loss. You have to be careful how you word it. I think all the advice the others have given you is the best i have heard and i agree with them. Your emotions are conflicting are they not? You just need the help to sort them out. You are a level headed person and you will work through this. If you have available to you a peer support group go for it. They are wonderful. It is like us but in person with others who suffer with the same issues. I hope this helps. blessings.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Crying spells are just part of depression and not a need to go to the hospital thing. Suicidality on the other hand is different, have you got someone staying with you? Have you got a therapist? Or a psychiatrist? Hospital is more for crisis or inmediate safety.

Ok I've known that it's normal to be really depressed and cry over something, but for me I cry for no reason at all. I live with my wife, but she can't be with me 24/7. I don't have a psychiatrist or a therapist. Last therapist I went to I ended up feeling like a failure and that I wasn't "ready" to get better. So I gave up.

Originally Posted by rcat

I'm coming at this from another direction. Is being hospitalized such a bad thing? Your illness is bad enough that you recognise you do need help - which is a good thing. If being an inpatient is a bad thing try demonstrating to them why. Make a plan regarding what you think you should say. Explain why being an inpatient won't work for you. Maybe it's the responsibilities you have (I'm guessing). I think the only reason they would keep you is because you are thinking of hurting yourself or are experiencing psychotic thoughts. You came across in your post as being level headed.

I've been in the hospital twice. Once was against my will. That really pissed me off. The reason hospitals are such a bad thing is they are like a freaking adult daycare. You do nothing but sit around 80% of the time and the Drs are more interested in getting medication in you than treating the root of the problem. I have tried one time to present why I didn't need to be in there and they didn't bother listening. So the more I think about it.....I dont need to goto a mental hospital. They won't help me.

[avlady]

i understand about not wanting to be involuntary in the ward. i suggest you don't mention about suicidal thoughts, if you're not having them, but if you are i would think you needed to be in the hospital. i understand you are not having these thoughts from your post. i was recently in the hospital for a 4 day stay to change my meds which helped tremendously. maybe you may need differrent meds if you're on them? just a thought here. good luck

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by avlady

i understand about not wanting to be involuntary in the ward. i suggest you don't mention about suicidal thoughts, if you're not having them, but if you are i would think you needed to be in the hospital. i understand you are not having these thoughts from your post. i was recently in the hospital for a 4 day stay to change my meds which helped tremendously. maybe you may need differrent meds if you're on them? just a thought here. good luck

Yes I am suicidal but I don't need to be in the hospital. If I miss anymore time from my job I will lose it. I have already taken 2 Short Term Disability leaves this year. It is good to know though that I was putting up a good enough front to deceive you. I have been working on that.
What I need is stability. I can only stand not working for so long. If I'm on the hospital I can't work. I am not on any meds. I don't have any regular doctors, of any type, I goto on a regular basis.

[Thunder Bow]

....."Last therapist I went to I ended up feeling like a failure and that I wasn't "ready" to get better. So I gave up. "....

This is the Key statement you made. To Heal, you must want to Heal. If you do not want to heal, Hospitals and Doctors can be of no help.

I think you can heal, and are able to heal. All you need to do is trust yourself, and your ability to heal. I think you can do that. Dedicate yourself, with determination, to healing yourself. You are not a failure.

[sammo777]

if you're not on medication, then maybe THAT should be the next step, rather than a hospital stay. And, a step after that, therapy. Hospital is a last resort: they don't want to put you in unless they think you need it -- they just haven't got the space.

make a plan of what you want to say, and list some key points: then talk to your doctor. Tell him/her that you feel down, and have heard anti-depressant medication might help.

it's better to make small changes while you can than be dragged off later, kicking and screaming, involuntarily, I reckon.

keep smiling,
sammo

Hospital care is not for finding the root of the problem, that is what therapy is for.

If you are not ready to do the work and admit your shortcomings you will not get better. Simple as that. If you want to fix the issue, go to therapy.

I think trust is a big issue for you. You need to trust that your family doctor and psychiatrist will make the right choices for you, you have to trust that medication maybe the correct course of action, you need to trust that a therapist will take you in the best direction of guidance, you need to trust that the hospital may be the right place.