[Nissala]

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this, if not forgive me and please move to the appropriate place.

how does one stop living in the past? How to just let go of it? Especially the bad stuff? and how do you stop beating yourself up over past mistakes?

I survived two abusive marriages, one physical and the other mental/emotional and physical. A family member told me because of the mental abuse I endured since they are no longer in the picture, I'm doing it to myself.

What are you thoughts?

[Skeezyks]

Wow, Nissala... I'm world-class when it comes to this! I ruminate constantly about everything I ever did wrong, every little embarrassment I ever endured, every slight or situation in which I felt taken advantage of. I just can't turn it off!

I don't know that there is any easy solution for this. I try to practice mindfulness & also what is often referred to as "radical acceptance". When these kinds of thoughts come up, I allow them to come forward. I smile to them, breathe into them, & allow them to fade of their own accord. Sometimes I will place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion. As my Signature quote below says: "In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition, demons are accepted with compassion."

Trying to ignore, or stuff these sorts of thoughts down not only does no good, it actually strengthens them. However, over time, the practice I have described does help to lessen their impact. It's not a quick fix. But it does work. It is a practice I learned via the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön.

My best wishes to you...

I have suffered a great deal steming from memories and resentment over my mother and her treatment of me.

I am taking Cognative Behaviour Therapy(CBT) with a little mindfulness thrown in.

CBT is about retraining yourself so that you take negative automatic thinking (ie. everyone will laugh at me) into positive (ie. no one actually cares). Or my mother was really a witch to she's no longer around to hurt me.

I'm not quite at the stage of automatically thinking that but forcing myself to find positive thoughts has already helped me a great deal.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I get like that alot. It can be completely debilitating.
Mindfulness practices can help (when I am able to employ them)... distraction,self soothing, and redirecting outward / staying in the moment. These are coping skills I learned thru DBT. But there are many books, blogs, and articles on self help thru mindfulness. Also talking to a T or another trusted source about these memories and feelings can help to try to resolve past issues and gain self-esteem to be able to move forward.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by Nissala

I'm not sure this is the right place to post this, if not forgive me and please move to the appropriate place.

how does one stop living in the past? How to just let go of it? Especially the bad stuff? and how do you stop beating yourself up over past mistakes?

I survived two abusive marriages, one physical and the other mental/emotional and physical. A family member told me because of the mental abuse I endured since they are no longer in the picture, I'm doing it to myself.

What are you thoughts?

The abuse you endured is Still in the picture, and you are not "doing it to yourself". Such issues takes time to heal from, thus the family member is Wrong. You survived, and that is good. Now allow yourself time to heal.

[ChipperMonkey]

Hypnosis works great at getting the mind un-stuck. I highly recommend it!

[AutumnEmbers]

I do this a lot. When I try to "talk through" the anxiety or bad thoughts caused by ruminating on whatever the situation, memory, etc., my husband has made the note that he feels like I can't let go of the past and tells me I need to let them go. (I don't disagree with him, but of course, it's never that easy...).

I try to utilize mindfulness techniques, or do things to keep my mind off of them as much as possible. Even if it's just a few moments of deep breathing where I acknowledge the thought/emotion and try to release it to focus on the present moment. If it's not something I can derail I try to do something constructive at the first available moment to do so (art, music) to "work through" it.

"it's a process, not an event" I've found a valuable lessen. It's not like flipping a switch, unfortunately. It could be worth exploring cognitive behavioral therapy, or working with a professional to work through your experiences. I've found that this really helped with abusive situations, particularly, as well as other experiences.

[Pikku Myy]

You have to let the past go in order to live life today

I'm waiting for an apology for someone's despicable behavior that hurt me and lasted for years. There is no forgetting for me!! Miserable people STAY MISERABLE. They should be held accountable. They should be punished. A day or two off in the Bahamas is NOT PUNISHMENT.