How do I not lose it when I get upset/annoyed?

My anxiety has no wind up - it hits me full blast constantly and sometimes for no reason. My problem is, when I get anxious, or am just feeling depressed/down, something will annoy me and whilst I would usually just get annoyed and keep it to myself, when I'm feeling (the above) I get pissed off so much.

For instance, and the reason I'm asking this, I had an argument with my boyfriend after playing video games with him and his friends (which makes me really anxious and the argument was about me being anxious), my brother came home and started blaring his music whilst in the bathroom. We have a fake wall between my room and the bathroom, so I could hear it as if it was in my ear. My mum wasn't home tonight so I couldn't go ask her to talk to him (me and my brother are constantly bickering). I shouted through to the bathroom to turn it off because I was trying to sleep. So instead I got frustrated and used my heel to kick a hole in my wall... then I broke down crying. He didn't stop playing it so after he went into his room, I told him to stop playing it and he told me he could do whatever he liked and I couldn't stop him (he's a 24 year old firefighter /ex-bouncer so yeah) and then I proceeded to punch three holes in his door.. and I'm pretty sure my little finger/side of my hand is pretty badly brusied.

So yeah. I'm pissed at myself because I shouldn't react like that. There was no need for it. But it's almost like I lose myself and just go crazy and can't control it. Because at the time, I feel like I can't control it (I know, in reality I can).. I'm just here asking how the hell I control it and keep my calm when my anxiety is pounding down on me and little things annoy me to the point of putting holes in walls and hurting myself.

Please don't judge and call me some psycho anger management needing person. I know it's wrong. I hate it. I would never phsycially hurt someone else though - that has to be made clear. All though at times I would very much like to, I don't and I never will.

Hey you probably got nothing on me with holes in doors/walls, I broke my sink, multiple mirrors, you get the hint.... I use Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for my anger it works most of the time but I'm still in the early stages of it. I personally think every one could benefit from DBT it's not just for one type of people. DBT Self Help

My advice to you would probably be to separate yourself from others when you feel that unstable. That's what I do for myself and usually being alone helps me to collect my thoughts and compose myself.

Thats what I did. Though that ended up with me punching the wall and putting 3 holes in my door, so yeah. But separating does stop me from thowing something at someone, so I guess it helps to a point. But it doesn't calm me down unfortunately.

My thoughts about separating yourself is to remove yourself entirely - go for a walk or just plain get out of there. Do you do this sort of thing elsewhere or is this behaviour confined to the 'safety' of your home? DBT and CBT include some very fine skills for handling such bouts of anxiety. Google Behaviour Chain Analysis worksheets

You were being bullied to the Nth degree, and you had every right to punch a hole in the wall. I am surprised you did not bust up his speakers. For a 24yo. he was acting as if he was 4yo. He needs to grow up. Only solution is for you to move into your own place away from all that immaturity and depression. You will never be able to control your anger in that kind of situation, it is not humanly possible for anyone. You showed good control as it was.

I took my dog out for a walk at about 11:30pm, which helped. But then when I got back (my brother had left) and my mum rang me (drunk) saying that I was overreacting etc. So then I lost it again, by this point my dog was asleep and I was on my own with the wall.

But it did help a little. Other than that, yeah, I tend to only physically lose it when I am at home. If I was at another house or outside, I'd verbally/emotionally lose it. If my anxiety was really bad, I most likely wouldn't even say anything and I'd bottle it up until I got to a 'safe' place.

My mum was pissed about the hole in the door and the fact my phone was smashed. The way I see it, I'm glad I did that rather than self-harm (which I haven't done in 4 months). So in a way, I'm proud.