[chocolatecookie3]

So I guess the question is pretty obvious. I'm sorry that this might be a long post.

This is quite hard to explain, but for a while know I've been feeling a bit crappy about myself. It's not like a constant "I feel so bad"-mood, but a few times a month I just really want to cry my eyes out because I don't feel good about myself. I've had hirsutism since I was a teen, and it makes me really self-conscious and ugly. I'm so embarrassed about it that I can't even say the word hirsutism out loud to myself. It also doesn't help that I often read really hurtful comments about the condition online and at this point I just feel like I'll be alone for the rest of my life because no one will ever want me. Even just the thought of having to say this to a potential boyfriend makes me think like "never going to happen". I just really want to find someone to spend my life with and maybe have kids, but I just feel like it will never happen and it really brings me down. I just don't see the point of going on if I haven't found someone in a few years time and I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone and die old and alone someday. I don't know, the future just seems so gray and lonely.

I just also really can't concentrate on university anymore. I'm in my last year and need just a few more classes to graduate, but my brain just won't work with me. During the first year I really studied a lot (too the point where it was too much to be honest) and I did well. But the last 2,5 years my motivation has just been going down the drain and I don't know why. I just can't bring it up to study anymore, it seems like a huge task (even though it is, but still). Did I really go from study-freak to lazy procrastinator in 2,5 years time? I'm worried because I really need to graduate, but another part of my brain just doesn't even get nervous about the exams anymore. I just honestly want to lie in bed all day with my computer even though I really want to study. But when I start studying the concentration and motivation is gone in like half an hour and I start thinking about like youtube videos or something I just really don't want to drop out when I so close to the finish line.

I just don't know what to do with all of this and I've been wondering for a while whether I should see someone? Any thoughts are really appreciated.

[Skeezyks]

Hello chocolatecookie3: YES! Definitely see someone. Perhaps there is a counseling service at your university where you could begin. Or seek the services of a professional therapist. (You might also consider just having a general medical check-up as well. It's possible there is something physical going on too.) But, more than likely you just have some depression setting in. You're so close to graduating from college, you don't want to let depression knock you off course at this late date. Another alternative would be to see a psychiatrist & consider trying an antidepressant medication. But, from my perspective anyway, I would think it would be best to start out with a counselor or therapist. Psych med's can carry their own set of challenges. Good luck!

[bebogirl16]

I agree with Skeezyks, you should definitely see someone about what you have been feeling.
If you aren't sure where to start, just a regular check up with a Doctor could be a first step.
I was very scared about how to go about seeking help for me, but I started with telling my normal doctor, and (after making sure it was nothing physical) she recommended me to a great medication doctor, and now I have worked up the courage to see a therapist.

Also, have you searched for any support groups around your area, or online for hirsutism? That could be something to look into that might help you out also.

[chocolatecookie3]

Thanks for your replies already!

I guess maybe I should go to the school counselor, but I feel like he's just going to say make a decent planning and just study. I told my mom today that I just can't concentrate anymore and she was like just tell yourself to start studying and just try your best and take breaks every now and again. I feel like she just really doesn't get the fact that I can barely even start studying. So that wasn't very helpful.
I also got some medication prescribed to try and get rid of the hirsutism which can also get you down a bit. So maybe that's also part of it. But I'm scared that if I stop them, that the hirsutism will get worse again which will make me feel terrible anyway, so it's like trading one bad thing for another Also my dad and grandma sometimes say things which make me think that they're also not the happiest people on the planet, although they're not really depressed or anything I guess. But I know that if there's depression in the family that you have a higher risk to get is as well. So I'm scared that maybe that's another possible reason: that we all just have some light form of depression or something.
But all in all I find it really embarrassing and awkward to talk about this to someone. I can't even say all of this to my mom, let alone to some counselor or professional...Also my grandpa has cancer and my uncle is struggling with some things as well, so I feel like my problems are not bad enough to start complaining about it or to say "I don't really feel the best these days" because it's nothing compared to them. I mean I go to uni and have a great family and everything so there's nothing I can complain about. Compared to them it would just seem like I'm wallowing in self pity for nothing.

To answer your question bebogirl16, I have looked for support groups online but honestly there's barely anything out there in terms of forums or something...I also don't know anyone who has this, so it kind of makes you feel lonely and that no one cares.

[bebogirl16]

I am sorry to hear about your grandpa
And also that you have to feel so alone with hirsutism. You really think there would be more support out there.

Maybe you can start a thread here about it? To get the word out some more.

And yes depression, and other problems can run in the family. One of the first things my Doctor asked was if anyone in my family suffered with anxiety or depression before.
I know how it feels when you think you are just being selfish with your problems, that they aren't even that bad compared to what other people are going through.
I feel that way everyday but have finally come to realize that I want to be happy, and I'm going to need some help.

Sometimes its hard for parents or other family members to understand whats going on when you try to tell them.
My Mom, brother, and sister understand it well because they have went through it themselves. But my Dad on the other hand doesn't understand Mental Illness at all I don't think, no matter how many times I (embarrassinly) try to explain it to him.

Maybe sense you think that the medication for hirsutism might be making you feel down you could mention it to your Doctor and maybe make the conversation a little easier to start?

But I'm no expert on things, just trying to give some ideas and maybe help you a little

[ChipperMonkey]

I think if you're even questioning whether or not to get help, the answer is generally yes.

[chocolatecookie3]

Yeah I guess... It's just hard because I'm scared I'm going to make a fool out of myself because there's still a little part of me that says"You're just a procrastinator and you're unlucky enough to have a condition that would make most people think you're a freak, that's it. Get over it. You're exaggerating and there's nothing wrong with you." When another part of me is like bleh. I don't even care anymore.

[cakeladie]

You know if you are feeling this bad you really should talk to someone what do you have to loose

[avlady]

yes get the help you need!!!I agree and it WILL help!!

[Mountainbard]

Originally Posted by chocolatecookie3

Yeah I guess... It's just hard because I'm scared I'm going to make a fool out of myself because there's still a little part of me that says"You're just a procrastinator and you're unlucky enough to have a condition that would make most people think you're a freak, that's it. Get over it. You're exaggerating and there's nothing wrong with you." When another part of me is like bleh. I don't even care anymore.

Listen to the part that says you should get some help, and ignore the other parts.

[chocolatecookie3]

So today I had a chat for like an hour with a volunteer on a chat where people can anonymously talk about something that's bothering them. Granted, they're trained volunteers and not real professionals, but I figured that it's a start.
She/he said some things about a possible burn-out or depression but that obviously only a doctor can really say something for sure, they were only suggestions. And that sometimes you can make things up/worse in your head, especially with those depression tests online, but that I shouldn't ignore everything either because there's probably 'something' going on. In the end he/she basically said I'm happy to hear you still want to get your diploma and that trying to get through seems like the only solution at this point. Obviously that person can't say "this is what's wrong with you", and they're more like someone who can listen to your story and give some advice. But yeah. I feel like I still didn't really get any further lol.

[bebogirl16]

Well, that is a start!

You just have to take it one step at a time.
I still do suggest a Doctor or someone of the sort, they usually do recommend and refer you to people who understand your feelings a lot more than you might think.

[chocolatecookie3]

Yeah, I know. I'm just really uncomfortable with talking in person about it. And I'm also really busy with trying to study for the exams after winter break and not failing them all... The student counselor isn't at school anymore because of the holidays, so I might only have the opportunity after the exams But I guess it's better than nothing. Unless I go to my actual doctor. But I don't know, I feel really weird and awkward about it. I think I'm going to try talking to my mom again tomorrow.

[bebogirl16]

Good luck with the exams, and I hope talking to your Mom goes better this time. Just be honest.

I with the best for you

[chocolatecookie3]

Thanks so much ! I hope she will get it this time.

[avlady]

good luck and i will pray for you as i'm having a day of alot of prayer it looks like because i promised alot of people prayers today here.