[htoun]

I have noticed that there are different spots to chat about different things but what about when there is more than one problem. I'm trying to learn better cooping skills to deal with someone with a number of problems PTSD and BPD are the top 2 but there is also anxiety, sleep problems and maybe depression. I'm not sure where I should put things.

Anyway ideas comments and suggestions would be good

I'm not sure if I am reading this correctly but I think you are asking about coping skills for the support person as opposed to the individual suffering from the ill mental health.

I think it would be fair to say that you take a page from their own book of coping skills and even use them yourself. I mean I assume it is stressful for yourself and you have a touch of your own anxiety. Perhaps try the 'Five Senses' approach to coping with this stress and anxiety. A 'Cognative Distorion Worksheet' may be helpful to you too in terms of mapping out your own feelings and making a plan.

I appreciate the fact that my own support people don't dig for information. Sometimes it is their silence that helps. BUT, I also appreciate their availability should I want to communicate. I think there is responsibility on the individual to communicate to their support persons just what does trigger them.

I do like it though when my support people check in with me. We have set up some code words for me to use when I need to communicate if I am having a difficult time.

[htoun]

rcat actually it's coping skills for me. I have dyslexia and my spelling is horrid, thank goodness for spell check. Sometimes though I can't spell the word close enough to get spell check to give me the spelling so I have to reword everything so sometimes my thought gets lost in translation.

My son's ex-girlfriend has been diagnosed with a number of things. She is also my grandson's mother. My son and grandson live with us and I babysit. I need a better understanding of how to cope. I have managed to stop being drawn in the dramas. I try to stay out of the middle but sometimes the invitation is a test message that sounds almost suicidal so I have to respond. This has been on going for years and I have had very little support. I tried to get help at a number of places locally. My dr, the drop in counselor (got a mental health assessment at that one they said I should relax), the local mental health association. I was told there was an support group like for AA but I can't get anyone to talk to me. My friends don't get it and make suggestions of things that will not work in this situation. So I figured I would try on line.

So anyway she is a part of our lives she loves her son and visits him regularly. When she visits more often than not it is just the three of us. As the baby is only 2 this is an ongoing relationship that I would rather not deteriorate. It worries me when she says that the baby is the only reason she is getting help. She really is a nice kid and problems are all environmental not chemical. Her family is not supportive at all and as far as I can see there has only ever been one person that has been consistently nice to her. That being her grandmother and she has health problems.

Talking about it here has helped. And right now she seems to be doing well but her dr keeps playing with her meds so I can't count on it not being an up and down sort of thing. Over the years it has seemed to me if her life was going too well she would do something to throw a wrench into it. No idea if this is purposeful or not but it is what happens.

This all sometimes makes me feel like a frustrated, bitter, resentful, cranky person. I don't want to be that person. I have tried not to say anything negative about her when her son can hear but that isn't always easy. I know life happens while you are making plans but this is so far out of anything we know. I really can't understand how it all was let go for so long. She has been having problems for more than half her life!!

So hopefully that all made sense. I will look up the info you suggested.

[htoun]

I could really use some help here. As I said it's been years and there hasn't been any real support for me.

My family really should have been paying more attention when they were nattering on about family loyalty and honor. I know this cause they would have said things like "save your son don't worry about the mother or the baby your son can always make an other" or "the best thing would be if she took the baby and left" Or my favorite "your not well enough to do all this it's too hard on you, kick them out". My son is hurting his son is almost 2 1/2 and non verbal. Not sure if it's something that happened when he was all over the place or a control issue. He talks in his sleep.

Her family is horrid I really don't understand why she stays in contact with them but then my family isn't being much better. So I guess I'm not sure why I stay in contact with mine any more either. The things they say to her are just this side of criminal. Though she swears that they would never hurt her son. But they hurt him by hurting her.

Her doctor has changed her meds again so she is back to not sleeping and that is not good for her. It's hard on her too as she isn't as patient with the baby when she is over tired. That upsets her. It also means that an off handed comment about nothing really important can be taken the wrong way and throw our lives into melt down mod. This is really not good for the baby, he knows that his parents aren't getting along.

I'm trying to support everyone plus my other two kids. I'm a little worried about leaving town in may. My daughter is graduating from university and I'm going. The last time I left town I wasn't able to mediate a problem. It grew out of proportion and ended a police report. I know it wasn't my fault and that I deserve some time with friends and away but still it is a worry.

I'm walking a fine line trying to keep everyone in balance but it shouldn't be just me doing all the work. Sometimes I feel very resentful. I was suppose to be figuring out what was wrong with me and how to get my dr to listen to my research. But instead I am babysitting and a hostage to everyone else schedule. I would like some parts of my life back. For that I need advice because I know very little about mental health issues and do not want to do anything that will hurt her or under mine her progress so far.

[kecanoe]

For me, the best thing I could do in a similar situation was to draw some gentle boundaries. It's hard as hell when there is a grandchild involved, but if I kept doing everything they would never have learned to do some of the stuff themselves.

It might be as simple as starting a class or volunteering somewhere; an obligation that you need to keep and they have to work around.

[htoun]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

For me, the best thing I could do in a similar situation was to draw some gentle boundaries. It's hard as hell when there is a grandchild involved, but if I kept doing everything they would never have learned to do some of the stuff themselves.

It might be as simple as starting a class or volunteering somewhere; an obligation that you need to keep and they have to work around.

So far the gentle boundaries isn't working. I'm about ready to lay down on the floor and have an epic 2 year old temper tantrum except I don't think that will work either. Right now I'm just counting my blessings that my son has a new job and no more 60 hour weeks. Oh and that I can make it to my appointments and tests with out having to juggle for sitters.