[Unicornia]

I wrote my whole story in introduction thread I've made. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I felt ashamed to tell some things to my doctor so I am afraid that I made big mistake. Often I go from state of huge motivation to irrational behavior that I am aware of, then anxiety, hypochondria and worries, till deep depression. It could happen in a day but this process can sometimes take time and go for months. On some weird way, suffering makes me happy and a live, and when i set my life normal, I don't feel happy. I am highly introverted, so I did some things secretly, and no one ever found out. In most of distant social relations i have very good control, but when i get close to someone things change and everything makes me upset. Except this, I suffer from bird phobia, but I am not sure if I should mention it. Does it looks like depression, or I may have other problem too? I still don't have courage to tell the truth to psychiatrist cause I feel guilt and shame often.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Unicornia: The Skeezyks recalls having read your introductory post. I don't know... What you describe sounds to me, from my layperson's perspective, to be somewhat Bipolar? But, truth be told, I have no idea really. And neither will anyone else here on PC.

What needs to happen here is for you to find a mental health professional (a therapist or counselor of some sort... whatever is available in your country), someone who does in-depth mental health therapy, work with that person, & be honest with her / him about what's going on with you. That is the way to heal.

I know you want to try to keep this all a secret. But, trust me, that simply doesn't work. I did that, literally, for decades. (To a large extent I'm still doing it.) And in the process I destroyed my own life as well as the lives of a number of others who deserved infinitely better from me. And, in the end, it all came crashing down anyway. So I send warm hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find the strength within to reach out, in real life, for the help you need.

[Thunder Bow]

What kind of birds are you afraid of?

[Unicornia]

Skeezyks, thank you once again! I guess you are right, I really need to get some professional help soon, and overcome shame.

Thunder Bow, I am afraid of all kinds of birds. I don't even eat chicken or eggs.