[Legendofphoenix]

I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at 19. It started with mania and became full flown psychosis, I barely slept and was extremely energetic and motivated. Long story short I did something illegal and extremely embarrassing and was handcuffed and taken to the mental hospital on a 51/50 for a week. I had delusions, thought God was speaking to me and that I could control the sun and that my best friend was my soulmate and that we were going to get married. I was released after a week and had been on meds for that week, but refused to Continue after because of the weight gain. I was still ill for a while after that but didn't do anything crazy, gradually the delusions went away and I realized they were false ideas and went into a really depressed phase where I slept almost all day, smoked like crazy, and didn't shower for like 5 days at a time. Finally things got better for me and I made friends and started taking care of myself, but throughout my life since High school I always had severe derealization. It's pretty bad now, as I write this, I feel like it's unreal. I spoke to a psychiatrist a couple months ago and he advised me to take geodon or abilify but said if I could live with my symptoms I'd be fine, because I have a job, go to school, am living and being productive in life so he didn't think it was necessary. The only reason I'm wondering now if I'm becoming manic again, is because I haven't been getting much sleep, not necessarily because I can't but because with work and my friends I'm just busy and drink coffee and go on with my day. Right now I'm worried because I went to bed at 2am and for up at 8, and feel absolutely fine and energized aside from a bit of a headache. I'm also extremely motivated to do better. But aren't these good things ? I'm just trying to watch myself because I dont want to do anything stupid and get arrested or lose anymore friends. I stayed getting therapy but it's really hard to get appointments - and now my family is broke so we're switching insurance and I can't. Also I just turned 21 and have been getting somewhat drunk the past two weekends and last night I had a shot to help me sleep. I guess I'm Just worried about the fact that I didn't get much sleep and feel fine, I had a big coffee though. And last week I was drained and spent a whole day sleeping. Also I know I know it's bad, but I wil NOT take medication, I actually just lost 30 pounds from the depressed phase that i had and have never felt better and am talking to a few guys I really like and I don't want to lose where I'm at right now.
I just need another persons perspective.
Thanks

[Skeezyks]

Hello Legendofphoenix: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

With regard to your post I would say that, from my perspective, you simply have too much going on to be able to know what's happening with you. You're working, going to school, out with friends, getting drunk, & drinking coffee to stay wake. Given your history & your determination to stay off of medication, it seems to me that the first thing you might want to do here is to simplify your life a bit. Are you becoming manic? Well... maybe... but how can you or anyone else know with everything you're doing?

My personal perspective, with regard to these sorts of things, is that there are basically two ways to approach mental health issues. One is to put yourself into the hands of professional mental health professionals (i.e. therapy, psych med's). The other is to employ the do-it-yourself approach. Structure your day-to-day life such that it supports rather than inflames your mental health issues, get appropriate amounts & kinds of exercise & sleep, maintain a healthy diet, limit caffeine intake, avoid alcohol & other mind-altering drugs, perhaps establish a meditation practice, and-so-forth. (Of course these are all good things to do even if one is on psych med's. And some people may need or want both.) But if one has a history of mental health issues, & wants to stay off of psych med's & all that stuff, this is the first line of defense it seems to me. So I think what you need to decide is if you enjoy your current lifestyle enough that you're willing to risk another descent into mental illness. Only you know the answer to that question.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Travelinglady]

Welcome to Psych Central, Legendofphoenix! It'd hard to tell with the caffeine, but your schedule is making it more likely. I suggest you try to stick to a decent schedule and watch the caffeine. I am bipolar.

I would have thought you can't function well, if you are schizo-affective and take no meds.

[Pikku Myy]

I agree with Valentina on this one about schitzo-affective and meds. On your concerns about going manic - yes, seems like you have a lot on your plate. I snap when this happens and now I try to control the stress in my life to help from being there again. Hope it gets better soon for you

[Legendofphoenix]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I would have thought you can't function well, if you are schizo-affective and take no meds.

At first I didn't at all, I was really depressed and slept all the time but I think a big part of that is case nothing was going on in my life when I got out of the hospital. so I kind of just sunk into sorrow..//but I feel great now, no delusions or anything and I'm working 30+ hours a week making decent money for my circumstances, I'm just scared and trying to watch myself because with new semester it's gonna be really stressful and hard to get enough sleep and relaxation. And with the new insurance I have to find a new counselor which sucks so bad but I can't afford my current one anymore.... I just don't want to relapse into depression or madness again.

Geodon is a good med for me and I lost weight on it. Maybe you can find something weight neutral? Of course, taking meds is a personal decision. It sounds like your prior episode was severe.

We aren't qualified to give medical advice, but I suggest you call your doctor and go see him. You sound concerned your mood is elevating and you may be at risk for relapse. Good luck.