[SSC092793]

Hi there,

I have this weird thing, where i always feel like i am going to be reprimanded by people that i feel have any kind of authority over me. It makes my work and personal life miserable as I am always anxious when communicating. Whether it is speaking with or emailing clients, bosses, landlords or important colleagues, I always am scared that I say or do something wrong and I’m going to get a verbal beating for it. I’m always nervous to state my professional opinion on things at work. I fear that I will come across as being too rude, sensitive, or arrogant. I do get quite worked up about things and would say I am hypersensitive to peoples opinion of me in my work.

Sitting and waiting for email responses or feedback from people, at work especially, is like sitting in hell for me. My mind rushes into horrible ideas of the person on the other side being unhappy with me or irritated by me, even if I haven’t done anything terribly wrong.

In a nut shell, the feeling is almost like I am a middle school student and I fear getting reprimanded by the headmaster or a teacher for doing something wrong. If that makes sense? I feel like everyone is going to shout at me like I’m a naughty child.

Is this normal? Does anyone experience something similar? I do battle with social anxiety/phobia and a very low self-esteem. Is this something that could be related?

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, I'm still at school (high school) and I always feel that way.. It definitely has something to do with your anxiety (most likely)

Also, I'm not sure, but I'd say it has to do with how you grow up during school... did you feel scared/anxious, usually? Were you afraid of your teacher? And what about your parents?

Anyway, I totally get you. I'm sorry you're struggling so much and I wish I could help you

[avlady]

i understand you, and i am still like that to a certain degree and im 55 years old. i fear vindictive people especially. i fear arguments too. i wish i was more courageous and being my age now i am a bit better at sticking up for myself.

[campervanman]

As MickeyCheeky has suggested!

That feeling of getting reprimanded all the time is most probably from your child-hood days`!! As I used to get shouted and hit (With belt or slipper) when something was broken, damaged or I was naughty! `Sometimes` I was innocent `BUT` that made no difference to my dad! I was also made to feel ashamed of my self as my dad would tell my friends`, family and the bloody neighbours` that I still wet the bed at 15yrs old (`But` I still loved my dad) I used to take most of my dads` anger away from my brother, as he was only a small skinny lad. Thinking back now to WHY my dad was like that `WELL` maybe with his dad being a sergeant Major In the army was DE-JA-VUE and with also my mum being killed in a car crash, it made him feel Depressed and under constant pressure! And maybe back then there was very little awareness of mental health issues` and help, not like today!!

Go and seek advice of your doctor and put your mind at ease..........Take care.

[LucyG]

Were you chastised a lot as a child over next to nothing? If so, that would explain why you react the way you do to people in authority.

I react in a similar fashion as I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and was always getting in trouble. Even today I freak out if someone in authority says 'I want to talk to you' to me as that's what my stepfather would say before chewing me up one side and down the other.

One thing I'm slowly learning is that I'm entitled to an opinion and so are you. Try to realize that and find ways to defuse situations so you can discuss things with your coworkers with less drama. I'm not criticizing you as I'm the same way, and I'm 60 years old.

There's a book about learning to stand up for yourself written from the point of view of the public shaming we see here in America where if you disagree with someone and have a business, people will put you out of business unless you grovel to them and admit you're wrong. I haven't read the book, but have heard it's interesting. I hope to buy it in the future as I'm sure I it would help me. Here's a link to it.
https://www.amazon.com/So-Youve-Been...ublicly+shamed

[SSC092793]

Originally Posted by LucyG

Were you chastised a lot as a child over next to nothing? If so, that would explain why you react the way you do to people in authority.

I react in a similar fashion as I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and was always getting in trouble. Even today I freak out if someone in authority says 'I want to talk to you' to me as that's what my stepfather would say before chewing me up one side and down the other.

One thing I'm slowly learning is that I'm entitled to an opinion and so are you. Try to realize that and find ways to defuse situations so you can discuss things with your coworkers with less drama. I'm not criticizing you as I'm the same way, and I'm 60 years old.

There's a book about learning to stand up for yourself written from the point of view of the public shaming we see here in America where if you disagree with someone and have a business, people will put you out of business unless you grovel to them and admit you're wrong. I haven't read the book, but have heard it's interesting. I hope to buy it in the future as I'm sure I it would help me.

Thank you very much for the reply

I was disciplined quite harshly as a child and as a teenager by my dad right up to about the age of 17 before i had a bit of a crack and it put an end to that for the most part. There was a lot of things i wasnt allowed to do, silly things like i wasnt allowed to wear nail polish and i wasnt allowed to watch cartoons and stuff like that...There was a lot of petty but rigid control.

I would get disciplined with a solid wooden spoon to the butt, usually due to being "otherwise". I was not a typically naughty child but i was stubborn and cheeky because i felt rebellious toward the way i was handled, especially as a teenage girl. I was always afraid to give my opinion/thoughts on things, because i was always wrong and being "otherwise" and it would often result in a good hiding. It took something extreme for me to eventually actually get through to my dad to change the way he handled me.

It could indeed track back to that, because my high school career was not that of a normal high school. I was in a college which was very, very small, and being disciplined in a harsh manner or being afraid of authority was never really a big thing, so i dont think it goes back to school days.