How to act as friend?

Hello everyone,

a few months ago, I got to know a 17-years old boy via an online community dedicated to tech stuff(average age of people: 30 years), more exactly because of the chat available there.
After alot of private messages there, we were able to understood that we have got many things in common:technics as big part of spare time, having made the same sort of experiences in life.
While I am accepted (I even have been promoted to a chat-only moderator in this community, and I was as new as him!), the other ones laugh at him because of very different points of view (for example, which Operating System should be used on computers) and because of the fact he almost expresses every thought he currently has. After some time, I got the feeling that I sit between to chairs --I personally have not got a problem at with anyone at this virtual place,but on the other hand I feel so sorry for him as he was not able to somehow "arrive" at this platform. We both understand each other very good, I shared my phone number with him, so I wouldn't be a problem if he received a ban in this chat.In the meanwhile, I am trying to suggest him that he should not put effort in trying to force acceptance, but he desires this too much to give those people(who barely know him) up...he has got many technical concerns and this young man sometimes only relies on me to solve them. I somehow feel like a "big brother".


Is there anything major I could do for him, except trying to comfort, "educate" and support him in social and technical matters?
Should I continue trying to convince him he should not see too much value in the jugdement of the others?

Hello InnocentDemon: Thank you for your efforts with this young man. From what you wrote, it sounds as though he is in need of a friend & you have stepped into that role. Personally, I don't know as there is much of anything more you can do for this individual than you are already doing.

On-line relationships can be difficult. All you know is what you "see" on-line. You have little or no perspective regarding what's going on with the person in real life. So my thinking would be, if you are willing to continue to help this young man to solve his technical problems & understand the "ins-&-outs" of interacting with other members on the website you both frequent, that is probably about as much as you can do. And that alone is a great thing to do.

Certainly, to the extent possible, it is also fine to encourage him not to take the judgement of other people on-line to heart. People can be so cruel, especially on-line. And age doesn't seem to have much of anything to do with it. PsychCentral is a special place in that regard. For the most part, everyone here makes a genuine effort to be encouraging & supportive. But that's not the case elsewhere, as I'm sure you realize. Good luck with your continued efforts on this young man's behalf. I wish you well...

If you believe he is greatly bothered by the actions of others who do not understand him, ask him whether he would like some help in understanding why other people might not be understanding him...and I say that in that way because I suspect you might have just encountered someone with Asperger Syndrome who is greatly lacking in the area of "social intelligence".

Hello, thanks for your replies!

I have got little perspective into his offline social life (which shows great resemblance to my own as far as I can judge, and I am not believing he is lying to me). I definitely will support him in the future also, I had been a victim of bullying in real-life and something inside of me does not want it to see it happening on-line!

While reading your comment, something arrived off my subconsciousness: The fact that my familiy and my current class teacher "attested" me being affected of Asperger Syndrome(I really must have surpressed it, until now)a few years ago...assuming that this would be true : does this explain why I try to compare myself to him, and why I CAN understand his actions, and feelings, that I am not the one who believes he is just "an immature kid"? I started trying to explain to him how "the others" think of his behavior, but did not mention anything like Autism or Asperger.

I can only say your description of his actions equals "possibly an Aspie" in my own mind, and then yes, it certainly could be possible for you to recognize his particular quack and waddle as similar to your own and either with or without the label "duck" even being known or considered by anyone. But again, and with labels aside at least for now: The challenge is to try to help him learn to navigate and live within a world where not all feathers always fit well within all flocks...or something like that!