First off I'm sorry if I have some mistakes with my writing.

A little backround about me, I'm an asian girl, born and raised from an asian country and I lived there all my life. I was diagnosed from Dysthymia this year. So I eventually stopped going to school since my anxiety is getting worse and worse. Now, my mom decided that it would be better if I'll move to a new place to start a new life or whatever. So I moved to USA. I told my mom and stepfather that I need to take a break from school. I dont think I'm ready yet because I'm still recovering from the trauma and everything that happened. Well anyway since I dont go to school I dont have the chance to meet new people/people of my age. I dont work either because I dont know how to drive (I live in a country side). Ive been four months here and never met my neighbors in this small town where everyone is supposed to know each other. As much as I love jogging and warming up I never went out for a walk or something. Its just not easy for me. I'm a foreigner to this country and its just difficult for me to adapt to the culture. For example (and no offense but) I dont like american foods. I tried many times to eat but it makes me gag and embarrass myself in front of everyone in the table. I'm just not used to it. I like oriental food which is not available in our small town. I also observed that strangers greet each other and sometimes have some small talk and if you pretended like you didnt see them, its rude. Thats the main reason why I dont go out. Im scared of being ignored.

I remember when I went shopping with my mom's friend. We went to another city to go to the mall. Shes an old caucasian woman. Everybody we encountered greeted and talked to her. And while I tried to make eye contact so I can say hello but they seem to not recognize my existence. They dont even look at me. And I dont know WHY. That memory has been stucked in my head until now. Is it because I'm asian? Or is it because Im a teenager? Who the **** knows.

I'm scared to go out and having to talk to neighbors mainly because I dont know how to speak english. Sure I can write but believe me I cant speak it. When I try to I always asked to repeat it 3x. Clearly they dont understand what I'm saying. Another thing I dont know how to talk, I dont know how americans talk. I dont know their humor. I dont know how to react. I just dont know. All i know is depression is starting to take over again. I've never met anyone of the same race in my place because our town is like 99.9% white people

TLDR: I literally dont have friends and I don't know how to make friends as an asian person.

[MtnTime2896]

When it comes to the food; let's be honest our food here is heavy and pretty fattening. I can even get disgusted by it and I've been born and raised here. I've never even been outside of the country. Where I live, we have a lot of Asian-Americans and I can tell you, their food is so much better and leaves me feeling refreshed as compared to my own.
Those people not greeting you, that could easily have to do with you being a teenager. I'm not saying it couldn't be for another reason, but I know from my own experience (I'm white) I wasn't often acknowledged as a person. Kind of sucked, but I got used to it and actually enjoyed it. I could disappear without anyone caring.
Everywhere in this country is different. Where I live, it really isn't common to see neighbors greet each other; that sort of thing would freak me out if I saw it. Passing a stranger around here, you don't acknowledge them. If you do, a slight nod is all that's exchanged.
I don't know what it's like to be an immigrant into another country. However, if you want to learn about cultural things, expressions and customs etc., I'd be more than happy to help. Feeling isolated can drastically damage you more and more into depression, so don't be afraid to find comfort and community here.
Oh, and your writing is very good.

[Skeezyks]

Hello guest: I'm sorry you in such a difficult situation. I live in a major metropolitan area. But I grew up in & around small towns. So I have some perspective with regard to what you are dealing with. (I once heard it said that living in a small town is like going down into the root cellar!)

The obvious answer here, I would think, would be to move to a more metropolitan area especially if it could be one where other people who are originally from your country are living. That would help you make the transition to American culture. However, the only way for you to do that, I presume, would be if you were able to go to school somewhere. And, from what you wrote, it sounds like that's not really an option.

The problem is... the longer you keep to yourself... staying in the house all of the time, the more difficult it is going to become for you to get out into society & live a normal life. For one thing, if you're spending most of your time in the house, you're not getting the benefit of being out in the sun. This in itself can exacerbate depression. Plus, being out around people, & interacting with them, is something that has to be practiced. Social isolation can tend to exacerbate social anxiety disorder as well as depression, anxiety & even feelings of paranoia, I believe. The more one keeps to oneself, the more that's the only thing one feels one can handle.

One thing that occurs to me, assuming you have to stay where you are at least for the time being, would be to see if you could find another young woman around your age who would be willing to become sort-of a "sponsor" to you... a volunteer companion who would go out with you & help you to become familiar with the area you live in & the people who live there. The two of you could go to events together. (A lot of times, in a small town, these may revolve around the local high school.) She might also introduce you to some of her friends. As far as how to find someone like this, that would probably depend, to some extent, on your age. I take it you're living with your parents. Perhaps they could help you to find someone who would be interested in getting to know you. I do think that, in some way or other, you need to figure out some way of getting out into the society you're living in. Otherwise your circumstances are just going to become increasingly difficult. I wish you well...

[Takeshi]

Welcome to The Race Card Project! Send your six words on race

Well, you live in Arkansas, I don't know where in Arkansas, but the Little Rock just celebrated the annual Central Arkansas Asian Festival, the turnout seemed alright from their facebook page, and they had food!

I think the best thing you can do before your depression gets worse is to ask your mom and the immigration office about your issues, it's their job to help you with the transition.



The New Officer Friendly, Armed With Instagram, Tweets and Emojis -NYTimes

Tennis shoes is pronounced like Tenni-shoes. I also like how they say 'building a FIRE', I learned these things from lovely laid back Arkansas couple on youtube. You can learn a lot of things on the internet like the tornado that hit the area earlier this year, some people in your neighborhood might know someone who's still recovering from the damage.

Arkansas Archives | Only In Your State

Everyone you meet might think you're smart because you're Asian. There's no difference between Japanese and Chinese, my point is country folks can be pretty weird, and obviously you're at some stage of culture shock USA!, and perhaps you're to them. Good luck adjusting to the new environment.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry to hear you're lonely If it can help... I'm very lonely too in my own country.. so maybe that's not the only reason for it (although it probably DOES play a part).

Wish you good luck with everything

[Takeshi]

illusory-correlation



I wasn't there and you haven't explained everything, so one could think that you may have been overreacting... Try to stay safe though.

Originally Posted by Takeshi

Well, you live in Arkansas, I don't know where in Arkansas, but the Little Rock just celebrated the annual Central Arkansas Asian Festival, the turnout seemed alright from their facebook page, and they had food!

I think the best thing you can do before your depression gets worse is to ask your mom and the immigration office about your issues, it's their job to help you with the transition.

I live in Northwest Arkansas (Eureka Springs). I heard it's a tourist place. I've never explored here (not that I don't want to). I've just actually been to immigration office last week because were still processing our papers. It's a 4 hour drive from our town. My mom doesn't recognize what I'm going through. She's always pushing me to do this and that. When I tell her I can't and explain why, she doesn't listen. I forgot to mention that I have a dysfunctional relationship with my mom so I can't expect any sort of help from her at this point. I appreciate the links you attached though. Thanks for your help!

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

When it comes to the food; let's be honest our food here is heavy and pretty fattening. I can even get disgusted by it and I've been born and raised here. I've never even been outside of the country. Where I live, we have a lot of Asian-Americans and I can tell you, their food is so much better and leaves me feeling refreshed as compared to my own.
Those people not greeting you, that could easily have to do with you being a teenager. I'm not saying it couldn't be for another reason, but I know from my own experience (I'm white) I wasn't often acknowledged as a person. Kind of sucked, but I got used to it and actually enjoyed it. I could disappear without anyone caring.
Everywhere in this country is different. Where I live, it really isn't common to see neighbors greet each other; that sort of thing would freak me out if I saw it. Passing a stranger around here, you don't acknowledge them. If you do, a slight nod is all that's exchanged.
I don't know what it's like to be an immigrant into another country. However, if you want to learn about cultural things, expressions and customs etc., I'd be more than happy to help. Feeling isolated can drastically damage you more and more into depression, so don't be afraid to find comfort and community here.
Oh, and your writing is very good.

I was worrying about the food because my parents like going to dinner with friends and always tag me along. They make me eat those foods because 'you'll get used to it'. But i don't. They just pretty much eat mashed potatoes, tomatoes, and salads. I didn't really eat these kinds of food before. I'm not really actually a teenager. Lol. I'm 20, but I look younger than 20. I've been told by my parents' friends that I look like 15 or 16. So I was wondering if that's the reason I'm being ignored, or maybe I'm being discriminated because I'm not american. I have a lot of feelings of fear about doing something wrong. Thank you for being kind to me and helpful I would really like to learn more about expressions and the culture.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

The problem is... the longer you keep to yourself... staying in the house all of the time, the more difficult it is going to become for you to get out into society & live a normal life.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

As far as how to find someone like this, that would probably depend, to some extent, on your age. I take it you're living with your parents. Perhaps they could help you to find someone who would be interested in getting to know you.

I'm 20, but parents' friends think I'm 15 or 16. So I really look young for my age. I even got some sort of discount from a buffet restaurant. They didnt ask for ID but i believe its something to do with my age because my stepdad was asked how old I was and he answered 15. Lol.

And yes I live with my parents who are busy at work. They are both narcissist, especially my mom, who's emotionally abusing me everyday. They make me feel bad for existing. They don't want me being stucked inside the house but doesn't really do anything to help me start doing something. They just talk about how I'm unproductive I am, making me feel I'm useless and there's no hope for me. They say I'm addicted to internet. Which I'm not, I just don't have anything else to do. They accuse me of being on facebook 24/7. I don't even have facebook as I don't want to reconnect with the people in my past. Also when I go to internet I just read a lot about self improvements or watch asian movies, (which I know it doesn't help with my english learning. i just find asian stories more entertaining. because when I watch TV, I observed american shows are mostly about serial killers, criminal investigations. i didn't find this helpful with my anxiety. i actually often thought that if i go out some creeper will follow me or something). My parents never consider how I feel about this.

Last month we went to visit my stepdad's brother in another state. They live near a big city so there's pretty much many places to go hang out unlike the place I live. Anyway, I spent my time with his wife when I was there. I helped her do some groceries and went to some park to walk with her three lovely dogs. She does that every weekend for her exercise. She also took me to hobby lobby and go shopping. I really enjoyed that time. She's a high school teacher and she convinces me to go to high school (because the education I took in my former country isn't credited here in the US, we didnt have english courses. So I have to get a high school diploma or GED if I want to go to college here). I never told her anything but it seems like she knew there's something about me. Before we left she told me that she's really worried about me and I could go to their place if I want to. Unfortunately their state is a 6hours drive away from our state. And when we went back home my parents were talking **** about her. They said she's only nice at first, she spends a lot of money, etc. They're basically backstabbing her. I personally didn't feel like she's not genuine with me. But then again I'm still dealing with anxiety and I can't really tell who to trust in this world, what if the person who's being nice to me is not really actually nice and is just a psychopath or something.

I know staying inside and not doing anything wont help me. I get that but sometimes I just need a little bit of understanding, you know? Instead of making me feel bad and guilty for my mistakes. I used to beat myself up over this but since I don't have anyone but just myself. I realized that the only thing I can do is to understood myself. It's pathetic really. But it's not like I don't have a reason. I have a reason for everything I'm doing and not doing. At this point to make myself feel better I'd like to call it that I'm just having a pause from my responsibilities. Its like I'm just taking a break from a long run but I will continue. Its not like I want to stay forever like this you know. I had dreams and goals before anxiety and depression took over. After all, I wasnt really like this before. I even consider myself with a high self esteem in some ways. I'm very confident with my physical appearance to start with, and I never compare myself to others when it comes to looks. But I'm really scared of doing something wrong, doing stupid things, making mistakes. I used to criticize people a lot with their actions so I'm scared of being criticized myself.

Anyways, thank you for your understanding and help It really means a lot and made me feel better.

[avlady]

You are probably suffering from culture shock. Learning a whole new way of living must be hard.

[Shazerac]

I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in a new country and also depressed with anxiety. I live in the town I was born in and I still feel like a strange weirdo sometimes. My heart goes out to you. I don't know what your visa situation is. If you are allowed to have a job maybe you could do that and save enough to get out of your parents home if it is toxic for you.