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#1
Dec 22, 2016, 04:16 AM
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 Hey everybody- I’m sorry to have to do this for a first post. Because I’m very very new. But I have to float this… I have cerebral palsy. I am a pre-operative transgender person and I am asexual {for those who are unfamiliar with asexuality, we don’t experience sexual attraction and some of us are repulsed by displays of sexual behavior and sexuality}… I have this friend. Her name is Dorothy. Dorothy is my age {I’m 37} and is either transgender or transsexual. She might possibly have transvestitism. But not sure… We have been friends for several months. But recently I have realized that some of the things that Dorothy has done and some of the things that she has told me don’t add up... When I first met Dorothy she told me that she was asexual and that she didn’t like sex at all. But there have been times when during visits she will turn on her cellphone and start watching X-rated videos. She tried to get me to view one of these videos with her. I wouldn’t btw… Another thing that has happened with this situation with Dorothy. She asked me at some point if I would allow her to look at my breasts. Something that btw I didn’t allow… Can someone tell me what might be going on?? Get back to me on this please, Thanks! Dylan PS: Sorry mods for some of my descriptors. |
 Skeezyks
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#2
Dec 22, 2016, 03:10 PM
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Hello Dylan: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks!
 May the time you spend here be of benefit.  I can't really tell you what's going on with Dorothy. Maybe she's just a person who tells people what she thinks they want to hear. Perhaps she's lonely. And telling you she is asexual was a way of creating a basis for a relationship that otherwise probably would not occur. Or perhaps Dorothy would like to be asexual. Perhaps she even considers herself to be asexual. But if she's viewing X-rated videos on her phone, & asking to look at your breasts, I don't see how she could be considered to be asexual, except perhaps in her own mind.  The thing is, we never really know what's going on in another person's mind. And trying to decipher that is simply a recipe for frustration, in my opinion. I think all one can do is to go by what one observes. You know what you have experienced with Dorothy. So, based on that, I think you simply have to decide if she is someone with whom you can continue to have a relationship. Only you know the answer to that question.  PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become.  Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting! 
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#3
Dec 22, 2016, 04:07 PM
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Quote:
what I can tell you is that many asexual people do gravitate to sexualized movies, books and websites and ask those that they trust about body part issues like your friend did to you. the reason the people I know have and do these things is because they dont feel it their self. they need role models to show them what it is like, let me give you an example if it was freezing outside and you could not feel that at all and you went outside in say a skimpy bathing suit in the middle of your friends, family and strangers what would happen... you would feel out of place, get stared at and others would avoid you or focus their attention on you. but if you researched this by watching movies and reading books and asking those you trust about touching ice and snow, touching their body so that you can see what cold feels like on another and how others react to freezing cold, even though you do not have the ability to feel on the emotional level you can now fit in with out being conspicuous/ drawing negative attention from others. many asexual people want to fit in, they want to know what sex is all about even if they can not feel it their self. so that they can fit in with their peers, friends and family, discussions of sexual nature... another reason asexual people do what you posted is because it may be part of their treatment program. many asexual people are not asexual from birth, many times it can be a result of trauma where because of the trauma their brain has turned off and wont allow them to feel and associate with others on a sexual level. sometimes doing what your friend asked can open the mind back up to where they can learn there is enjoyment, not just numb, no feeling and repulsed by it. another reason asexual people I know do what you posted is because they get a non sexual reaction called euphoria from it.. like a self injurer will self injure and the brain releases endorphin's into the rest of the body which causes a calming relaxed feeling. sometimes asexual people just need to feel ....something.... that makes them feel human. also its completely normal for human beings to be curious about things even about things that they are repulsed / disgusted by/ or makes them uncomfortable. my point there are many reasons why your friend may have said and done what they did and only they can tell you the whys and hows their asexuality works differently than yours or others you know who are asexual. |
 Skeezyks
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#4
Dec 22, 2016, 11:47 PM
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 Hmmm...
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#5
Dec 28, 2016, 06:47 PM
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If you can become asexual because of abuse (change the orientation you were born with), then I would draw the conclusion you can be gay or lesbian because of abuse. I'm not sure this would fly in the gay/lesbian community...
Being asexual is basically like being straight or gay, straight people are not attracted to same sex, and gays are not attracted to the opposite sex. The same way asexuals are not attracted to the same sex/the opposite sex/trans people. Some asexuals watch porn, most asexuals have a sex drive and will please themselves. They just do not have another person to be attracted to. If someone wants to look at boobs in real life, I'd think they are not fully asexual actually, because the real person would be someone they should not be attracted to.
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