Guilt or cowardness leads to false accusations

I've always wondered what the purpose of people, who you once thought were true friends, falsely accusing you of something such as backstabbing or spreading gossip is. Like, are they just doing that in order to find a reason to end a friendship in a cowardly way or do they feel secretly guilty about doing something and somehow felt like rumors were being spread. I've had that happen to me. One example is when I was friends with someone a few years ago and out of the blue, the person accused me of backstabbing.

She assumed I was telling people that she was a horrible person and that everyone should stay clear of her and not be friends with her. I never did that but she just made that accusation out if the blue. She started acting just slightly indifferent a few days prior to that. So it makes me wonder if she just didn't want to be friends anymore and just wanted to find a way to end it in a cowardly way or if she had done something and felt guilty about it, therefore, assumed I was talking bad about her behind her back. She would ignore me in purpose when she was around other people. She would only talk to me one on one.

I tried to prove that wasn't the case, that I never would do that. But she stopped talking to me right after that. She knew me for over a year and knew me way better than the new people she had just started hanging out with when it happened. So if someone had told her something, which is possible, she should have known I would never do that. So I've always wondered when people do that stuff, is it a guilty conscious or just cowardness and flakiness? I've seen the same thing happen to other people too, where they get accused of something they never did out of the blue. Anyone have this experience and have any ideas why it happens? Just curious. At the end of that same year, she did the exact same thing to her roommate that she loved having for over a year.

The new people, who were brand new freshmen, only knew her for a week, and vise versa. It was the very first week of school just after freshmen orientation had ended. She didn't mention names but I eventually found out it was from one of the freshmen who had just met her a few days prior. That freshmen was only around for one semester. So there is no way she could have felt much closer to them than someone she had known for over a year. That's why I wonder if she felt guilty and really didn't like me as a friend and didn't know how to deal with it. Not saying what she did was acceptable, but it just makes me wonder if guilt is the reason some people believe false rumors about people they know very well, especially when coming from someone they just met.

Hello rdgrad15,

I don't know if I can help you with this other than express what I feel about how many people seem to work, as observed by me. I will be 58 yrs old in a couple of weeks.

I have found these sorts of people everywhere, school, work, etc. They will turn on a dime when it suits them. They tend to be insecure or narcissistic. They have to keep fresh new people around them to have their full attention on them. These "friends" can't keep up their facade for too long, so they replace. They are mean spirited and it is best that they are not part of your life. They are so draining of your good spirit. It took me a long time to figure that out. They are not worth your time, although you have given it. All that drama you experienced is their way to replace you with someone new who does not know them yet.

I would hate to live the lives they must be leading.

You will find honorable, loyal friends. It takes time but they will reveal themselves to you, so don't give up on people in general.

Makes sense. Now that I think of it, the person I mentioned in an example was attention seeking. She actually accused people of causing drama and backstabbing a few months prior to doing it to me as well. Right before she did it, I had a gut feeling she was going to ditch me as a friend, and she did. I agree, they feel the need to maintain a fake personality in front of new people.

People do this kind of thing out of envy, and the need for control.

Yeah I agree. So that is possible that she was envious of me too for some reason?

That could be possible.

Oh okay makes sense.

My thought was that she had some kind of mental health issue causing paranoid delusions... but who knows.

I haven't run into this much. Maybe that supports the cowardice idea, because I'm quite an introvert and homebody, so if someone wants to ditch me as a friend, they just need to stop calling.

Yeah possibly. Because she didn't do it to just me. She did it to people before me and people after me as well. Kind of alarming.

There are many people who act like this. I call them drama queens, even if they are male. They want to be the center of attention and thrive on conflict. If none is present they will create it by lying, accusing, etc, just to keep the drama going.

Exactly. I agree.