was I sexually abused?

I'm a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship but things went farther than us kissing at one point during the relationship. We would go to church together and then hide in an empty room and do sexual things but never actual sex. I started to feel very wrong about doing those things in church and wanted to stop. We were about half way through our relationship and he knew about my struggles with anxiety and self esteem and at this point he had already been abusing me emotionally, i had no friends and i was very attached to him. I told him how i wanted to stop and how it didn't feel right and he would say things like "do you not love me anymore?" "well i did stuff to you so you have to return the favor", even one point when we were in the middle of doing stuff and i got scared and told him i wanted to stop he urged me to keep going and to not stop even though I was scared. Whenever i would say i dont want to do stuff like that anymore he would get mad at me or act coldly to me, and he made me feel like if I didnt do things with him he'd leave me. I told my friends about everything he did to me and they helped me accept that i was emotionally abused and I told them about what happened with this situation a few months ago but today one of my friends called it sexual abuse and it really threw me off because i never considered it sexual abuse, what are your opinions???

Sexual Abuse is all about Control. As you can see, he was controlling you.

this is assault

I always thought of sexual abuse as being forceful and stuff, he never forced himself on me or forced me to do anything, he made me feel like I had to. Would that still count?

in my location two consenting adults entering a church, messing around sexually then regretting it and having second thoughts about it is not abuse. neither is one partner doing things so that the other will reciprocate.... in short thats what sex education classes, couples therapy and well known books like the joy of sex 1 and two recommend couples doing (show by example do what you would like your partner to do to you)

sex acts become abuse when one partner refuses/ states no and the other forces their self and sex acts upon another.

not saying it didnt ......feel..... wrong.... just saying by law this is not considered to be abuse here in america when two consenting people enter a church, mess around then one regrets doing so after the fact it is not abuse.

here in my location when someone refuses then the other person says dont you love me any more which results in the one who refused giving in because they dont want to lose their partner is not called abuse. its called giving in, being submissive, and changing ones mind.

here in my location sexual abuse is when one person forcibly touches or forcibly has sex with someone totally against their will.

sexual abuse isnt about one person consenting or giving in just so the other person doing the abusing wont leave them and the relationship.

sex abuse in my location involves actual threats of harm to that person or that persons children other family members. someone in a relationship asking dont you love me anymore is not a threat of harm to anyone, its a basic relationship question that anyone in relationships deals with on a normal basis.

my suggestion would be to contact your local police department or treatment provider. they will be able to explain what the sexual abuse laws are in your location and what sex acts constitute sex abuse...

I wasnt an adult when this happened and neither was he

Well my take on it is that she was impressed into doing something she didn't want to do. This IS by definition a sexual assault.

Manipulation, emotional abuse and controlling behavior. "Sexual Assault" is going to depend on personal/societal views and beliefs. The first sentence is however, accurate based upon where I live. Regardless, I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve it. Screw terms, screw labels; something bad happened to you and that's all that matters. I hope you're able to recover from this.

Yes, that is powerful method of Control. It is commonly used too.

then you might want to contact a treatment provider. here in the USA there are age limits on when a teen ager can legally consent to sexual activities.

you might also want to contact your church and feel them out on such activities. some churches deem having/ performing sex or touching grounds for sexual crimes against minors. i know of one situation where two teens the same age ended up being banned from their church and were very lucky not to get charged with engaging in sexual acts in a public building. but I also do know of churches that do prosecute for things like trespassing or lewd and disorderly behavior in their churches. you might want to know how your church feels on this issue .....before... you and this person put yourselves in to the situation of being in a church room alone where things can possibly get out of control for your attractions to each other. churches do understand teen age love and teen age hormones but they still have laws and rules to uphold.

my last suggestion is if this person makes you uncomfortable then just make sure you are not alone with this person. even as a teen ager its not sexual abuse if one asks the other dont you love me and the other gives in to save the relationship or not break up. but if your gut is telling you no, then its up to you to not do those things. if you give in willingly for what ever reasons and there is no real threat of harm its not called sexual abuse. there may be other laws like coercion but again theres more to that then just someone saying dont you love me and then the other giving in. in my location for this to fit a sexual abuse situation this still has to have an element of threat of harm and there has to be the age difference that constitutes statutory rape.

emotional abuse coercion in my location means a person under duress (forced ) and with the threat of harm from another, consents to illegal activities....

a general example so as not to trigger anyone... someone who is forced to sign a paper because they are told if they do not they will be harmed the abuser playing on that persons emotional fears.

It sounds manipulative and coercive. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Hey 0321

Sorry to hear that you were sexually bullied, it happens a lot. Guys are total pigs sometimes, and puberty is a confusing time for both genders.
No means no, but it must be a convincing no because boys are persistent, it's not right but it's the truth.
This guy was a jerk, you don't need to waste time with jerks, unless you want to, if that's the case that's ok too I guess, but this is how jerks treat girls.

I am sorry that happened to you.

That being said though,I see it as manipulation but not sexual abuse.If you were afraid he would harm you instead of being afraid he would 'leave' you,I would feel differently.