[Josiej]

Hi
I have been married for 25yrs. But the last year my husband has started casual work for an old school friend that has lost her husband 5 years ago. He rings her every week now and is often doing favours for her in his spare time. She is also often ringing him up for a chat and advice on things (she is living on a farm and my hubby is a farmer). They have organised to travel hours to look at farm equipment for her together, he offers to go to clearing sales for her , he is often talking about her to me. I guess i am sick of hearing about her and him checking up on her. Am i being a total cow and unreasonable. I know i am feeling left out and i just cant shake the feeling there is something not quite right.

[possum220]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central.

Hope you can find some support here. Sometimes our intuition tells us when something is not quite right.

I have assumed that you have tried to talk to your hubby about this. If not please do. Is he aware that this is making you feel uncomfortable?

Maybe she is lonely and needs to find a wider range of help not just your husband. Is there a CWA in Tamworth or community groups that could pitch in. Does he need the casual hours that she provides?

I dunno maybe the next time when they have an extended "trip" you could offer to go along to help or go shopping or something.

I can understand your insecurities. But could this be cases of catastrophic, black & white thinking, and discounting the positives? These are classic thinking problems - especially for those of us already questioning out self worth. What is the advantage of thinking this way incidentally.

This does warrant however a sit down with your husband to discuss boundaries - including deal breakers.

Have you ever thought of reaching out to this woman yourself? Perhaps his and her's reaction to this would be a litmus test as to whether your concerns are in fact founded.

[Thunder Bow]

Something is not right. Go with that feeling.

[eskielover]

Are you working or something that keeps you from going with them? I am single (or almost as soon as I finish paying for my divorce..working on it for almost 9 years). I have friends even married ones that help me out with things on my farm & their wives are my friends too so they are always welcome & even lend a hand sometimes that makes the work go even faster & more fun. One friend drove his tractor & bush hog over to clear a field that got overgrown. His new wife rode over on the tractor with him.

Another friend came over & patched my missibg roof pieces & tried to caulk to stop my front room waterfall in the rain. She & I worked on clearing brush on the side of my house. Team work is always wonderful.

I have a neighbor who keeps his horses on his property but lives over an hour away with his wife he married just after I moved here. His horses kept getting out & through my woods & up to my front field close to the road. They come down & we all went out to eat before I helped him repair my broken down barbed wire fence his horses were coming through. She isnt well enough & has eye sight problems so isnt able to give a hand helping but its wonderful she comes along & is involved even if not in a working way. Its awesome to ALL be friends. Puts a whole different dynamic on the situation.

Maybe it would help you & your husband if you were able to get more involved in his life??? Just a thought based on personal farm experience of my own.