Am I schizophrenic or something else?

Part of me thinks that I'm just making stuff up to make my life more "dramatic" or something because that's how I am. I like... Want to be insane. I really don't know why but I just want to be completely insane - not hurt people insane but just have to live in a mental hospital. It sounds ridiculous. All my life I've dreamt of bad things happening to me like getting cancer or something but I don't want that. That would be horrible and I feel bad for anyone suffering from it. However; when it comes to my mental health, I've never wanted it to be "good". So maybe I'm over thinking things like I always do but there are things about me I just can't seem to get answers to. I feel like nobody feels the things I do.

I never had any imaginary friends - I don't think so at least. I don't know what counts. You'll understand later. I did talk to objects though. I had a very close relationship with the mirrors in my house. So much so that I thought it'd be nice to start talking to the towel and the sink etc. Those didn't last but the mirror thing did. I was young though so it was likely my young mind.
It wasn't just the mirror though. It was... Everything. Even food. Again, young mind. But then I starting to believe that objects had feelings and that like certain popcorn that I made HAD to be eaten by me. It just had to or I would cry. And when I touched an object I immediately got a connection to it and couldn't leave it behind. I got in trouble at stores when I cried that I had to have a random item on a shelf because I touched it. I also collected trash. Even if it wasn't mine. I had values to everything. My parents got concerned and took me to the doctor and I was diagnosed with OCD. So, now it's been awhile and I've gotten over most of it. I still feel deep connections to items when I hold them for a period of time and feel like part of me is being torn apart when I'm forced to leave it. I feel bad and almost like, guilty. I have the control to not cry or anything though. It's more like a short and silent battle inside my head.

So I have OCD. Okay. But there's still some things that just don't make sense to me. First of all, remember when you were younger and you probably played house or school etc.? I did that a lot and loved it but I mainly did it by myself. I assumed the roles of everybody and obsessed with my "main" character who was a male struggling with being the superhero or villain. I would base it off of new movies I'd seen and I had fun. Nobody could watch and I didn't play this version with my friends. I kept this side to myself. It became like a second life. Started when I was five. So. I'm a teenager now. I still do it. But it's become a huge part of my life. Suddenly social situations become horrible for me as I feel the need to resort to this other life. I feel like I am the main character person who I put in lots of pain but he is deeply in love. He is also insane.
Maybe I have a creative imagination. But it's not like I could act in front of others or write a book about any of this. It's just something I HAVE to do. I will stop a movie in the middle that I'm really enjoying just to do this. Basically anytime I am alone, I go back to this other life. It's become just part of my everyday life and I get stressed if I don't get the privacy for it or if I know I won't have time for privacy. My other concern with it is that, basically, I'm talking to myself. A lot. And I move around in my room and stuff but I whisper, pretending I'm loud, because I don't want my family to hear. When I'm not doing this, I'm still talking to myself constantly. It's worth mentioning that I don't make friends easily. I'm VERY socially awkward and although I like hanging with friends, I feel best by myself watching a new movie or something with occasional pauses for the "other life". My family wonders why I am so sensitive about my privacy when watching a show or just in general and I don't know what to say. I usually just say something like "I fangirl a lot and just kinda go crazy *laugh* I don't know. Just act weird." Which is true. But it's more than I let on.

Due to this "other life" I tend to sometimes believe that I'm not even human or that everything around me isn't even real. I get taken away from reality and question everything. I become self aware of everything I'm doing and I get so stressed out. I've tried saying thoughts I've had about this in the past when I was younger to my parents or friends but they just kind of laughed and said I was crazy because I wasn't making sense. I don't know how to describe how I feel. I went through a faze (and might still be going through it a little) where I truly believed that I was a mutant and that at some point in the future I would get my powers. It got to the point where I would wish I could crash the car to see if it would "activate my powers". I even started researching.

Thinking about it is really stressing me out now I just don't understand what is happening. I've seen a counselor before and talked about some things like this after having to go for depression. I had all this before the depression though. I also have an obsession with pain and death. Not from the depression. Ever since I was little. I used to always think about how I'd likely be a killer or something when I grew up because of these obsessions and the fantasies I had. It was never ME killing. I mean it was but it didn't look like me at all. It was the main character person. I don't know. Can someone please help with what this may be? I've been considering schizophrenia or something along the lines of that but I don't know. I took the test on this site and it was negative (I know it doesn't replace actual screening at doctor office). But please, someone explain what is happening and what I should do. Everyday I feel like I'm going more insane and frankly, I'm happy about it! I don't know why! But I don't feel ashamed of it. I don't want to change it. I don't know.

Hello ProfessionalNerd: I'm sorry you are experiencing so much confusion. I don't know as there is much of anything I could suggest to you here. Perhaps some other members, here on PC, will be able to offer some insight. Ultimately I think this is all something you'll need to explore, over time, with the help of a mental health therapist. I know you wrote that you saw a counselor at one point for depression. But I think what is probably going to be needed here is more in-depth work over a period of time with a skilled therapist. In the meantime hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

well first of all you dont sound like you have schizophrenia, just an active imagination and isolation tendencies.

secondly i dont really understand why you want to suffer from a chronic and severe mental illness such as schizophrenia. i find that baffling

you shoud look into fictitious disorders and/or munchausen syndrome

I'm not sure if this has much to do with my diagnoses but I relate to objects. I also have a parallel world inside my head.

My diagnoses are Aspergers and ADD.