[doodlingotome]

Hi! I’m sorry in advance if this thread is not where it belongs, this is my first time posting. This is also going to be quite a long one and it might sound ridiculous but I don’t know who to talk to about this. So please bear with me. Here we go!

I’m a 20 year old female. I have a lot of friends, though there’s only about 5 people that are super close and have all my trust. I also like helping people and somehow that has been causing me some problems.
When I said I have close friends who have all my trust, I really mean it. However, they’re friends from high school and now we’re separated. We chat very often and meet up occasionally. Most of the times, everyone comes to me for advices and stuff (mostly on bad situations) and so when I have my personal problems, I can’t bring myself to tell them because they came to me for help and I don’t want to add more troubles. I also don't want to consult my parents since they're quite close-minded. That’s why I’m stuck in a state that feels like I don’t have anyone to talk to.

One more thing about friends is that when I get close to a guy, he falls for me and that’s really hard for me because I just want a good friend. The last one told me that I’m too nice so he mistook that I feel the same way, he also told me that if he did not like me (romantically) then why would he be doing nice things for me. This broke my heart a bit, because I would do those things for my friends without thinking about it at all. I never thought of them as an act of being nice to make someone like you. I want to mention that I have no interest in any romantic relationship as I am content with what I have.

Let’s talk about my family now. They are all very successful individuals. Growing up, I have 2 older sisters who are very smart so I used to feel like I have to match up to them or I won’t be good enough. My sisters are also stubborn so they are always arguing with our parents. So to our parents, I’m always the one with least trouble. About three years ago though, I had issues with self-harming. My parents found out and they said it’s only a “phase”, they also told me that I’m supposed to be happy since we have money and they give me everything I need. I think it’s true to an extent. Fortunately, I found a really good friend and music, both helped me through.

About 4 months ago, I developed multiple swollen lymph nodes on my neck, went through many tests and doctors, found nothing and the nodes won’t shrink back. My last ENT doctor suggested that I may have hypochondria and it should be looked into but my parents refused and think that it’s just me being a wimp. In the past months, I thought I had an angina, appendicitis, tumors etc. and every time these thoughts take over I’m unable to do anything. I also lost motivation in school. So I thought that if no one’s helping, I’m just gonna deal with this myself, so I started drawing which calms me down from time to time and it has been the only thing that sort of put me at ease. However, since the events of swollen nodes, I haven’t been feeling like myself. My mood swings too much and generally I’m less happy. My dad has been nagging me about drawing, he thinks it’s just me playing around because I draw “cartoons” and that stuff is for kids, but I don’t know what else to do to calm myself down.

I’ve been having trouble with getting full sleep, nightmares and crying for no reason. I have also thought of self-harming a few times but what’s worse is that my head somehow manifested an image of me choking my mum, it disturbs me so much. I want to clarify that I do not want to kill my parents and I love them very much. I also feel underappreciated quite often but I think that’s mostly because of one friend I just fell out with who was very inconsiderate and was actually using me.

Things I want to know:
What should I do?
How do you stop people from falling for you?
How to deal with health anxiety?
What to do when I feel like there's no one to talk to?
I know I sound stupid but I really don’t know what to do anymore. Once again, I’m really sorry if this post is not where it belongs and if I have wasted your time.

[HumbleIcarus]

Hey There,

I have a lot of friends, though there’s only about 5 people that are super close and have all my trust. I also like helping people and somehow that has been causing me some problems.
When I said I have close friends who have all my trust, I really mean it. However, they’re friends from high school and now we’re separated. We chat very often and meet up occasionally. Most of the times, everyone comes to me for advices and stuff (mostly on bad situations) and so when I have my personal problems, I can’t bring myself to tell them because they came to me for help and I don’t want to add more troubles. I also don't want to consult my parents since they're quite close-minded. That’s why I’m stuck in a state that feels like I don’t have anyone to talk to.

You have no idea how your first paragraph resonated with me. I feel like among all my friends I've had I have been the most level one, and feel more like a parent to them than a friend.

Honestly I came here looking to make friends that I can bring my problems too. I've also discovered sometimes it's hard to tell your problems to your family because they are, like you said, closed minded or will worry.

I'm a guy - so as I guy I can tell you how we are. It is possible for a guy to be friends with a girl. But our instincts want us to connect with them. The first time that a girl shows interest in a guy a light switch flips and I would say it's almost impossible for him to think of her as a friend from that point and not someone he is attracted to.

It's important to realize that guys are different from girls when it comes to emotions and sexual fulfillment. I will tell you that if a guy is talking to you, he is most likely attracted to you. Attraction doesn't have to be sexual. Attraction is simply a drawing to something. Your "nice" personality probably makes you very approachable by guys because you don't scare them.

Little secret: most guys are scared to talk to women because they fear rejection. So the nicer a girl is the greater the chance he will try to attract her back.

My parents found out and they said it’s only a “phase”, they also told me that I’m supposed to be happy since we have money and they give me everything I need.

I am so, so sorry. Self harm is not a "phase," and is something to be taken serious. Physical objects will never compensate for an emotional void.

My last ENT doctor suggested that I may have hypochondria and it should be looked into but my parents refused and think that it’s just me being a wimp. In the past months, I thought I had an angina, appendicitis, tumors etc. and every time these thoughts take over I’m unable to do anything.

When I first developed anxiety I thought everything in the world was wrong with me. It was so hard for me to learn to deal with. My advice to you is this: if seeing a doctor will make you mentally feel secure then do it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, including your parents. Only your mental state can make you content, not other peoples' opinion of what your mental state should be.

My dad has been nagging me about drawing, he thinks it’s just me playing around because I draw “cartoons” and that stuff is for kids, but I don’t know what else to do to calm myself down.

Do what you gotta' do to cope. There is nothing wrong with drawing. I personally keep a journal that I write my feelings in every hour of the day. This has helped me in ways I cannot express to you.

I am not a therapist. I am not a psychologist. I a just a normal guy and I think one of the aforementioned individuals could give you better advice than me. But I will say this:

From what I just read it sounds like your parents, or you perceive that your parents, write you and your needs off. Perhaps your older siblings steal too much of their focus and you get so very little.... Just a thought.

What should you do? That's hard to say. I would recommend keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. No matter how crazy they sound. You may discover a lot about yourself that your brain couldn't process.

How do you stop people from falling for you? Good luck. If you are of the opposite sex it will happen. I'm sorry, but that's just reality. I am curious why you don't have girl friends instead. Often times I've found women who don't have girl friends don't like girls because they have been hurt by them too much, and find that guys will give them what they want emotionally.

How to deal with health anxiety? SSRIs can help. Therapist. Journal. Really think the problems out and see if you are truly experiencing pain or if it is just all anxious energy. Talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it. Even if people think you're crazy. You will find someone who will listen, and it will be a blessing from God.

What to do when I feel like there's no one to talk to? Personally, I'm a Christian. I pray to Jesus Christ. I believe he listens.

I know I sound stupid but I really don’t know what to do anymore. You're not stupid. You say you don't know what to do anymore, but you just did it. You are reaching out for help. Never stop reaching until you have found it.

God bless you and I pray all rights itself with you.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Doodling: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[doodlingotome]

Originally Posted by HumbleIcarus

Hey There,

You have no idea how your first paragraph resonated with me. I feel like among all my friends I've had I have been the most level one, and feel more like a parent to them than a friend.

Honestly I came here looking to make friends that I can bring my problems too. I've also discovered sometimes it's hard to tell your problems to your family because they are, like you said, closed minded or will worry.

I'm a guy - so as I guy I can tell you how we are. It is possible for a guy to be friends with a girl. But our instincts want us to connect with them. The first time that a girl shows interest in a guy a light switch flips and I would say it's almost impossible for him to think of her as a friend from that point and not someone he is attracted to.

It's important to realize that guys are different from girls when it comes to emotions and sexual fulfillment. I will tell you that if a guy is talking to you, he is most likely attracted to you. Attraction doesn't have to be sexual. Attraction is simply a drawing to something. Your "nice" personality probably makes you very approachable by guys because you don't scare them.

Little secret: most guys are scared to talk to women because they fear rejection. So the nicer a girl is the greater the chance he will try to attract her back.

I am so, so sorry. Self harm is not a "phase," and is something to be taken serious. Physical objects will never compensate for an emotional void.

When I first developed anxiety I thought everything in the world was wrong with me. It was so hard for me to learn to deal with. My advice to you is this: if seeing a doctor will make you mentally feel secure then do it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, including your parents. Only your mental state can make you content, not other peoples' opinion of what your mental state should be.

Do what you gotta' do to cope. There is nothing wrong with drawing. I personally keep a journal that I write my feelings in every hour of the day. This has helped me in ways I cannot express to you.

I am not a therapist. I am not a psychologist. I a just a normal guy and I think one of the aforementioned individuals could give you better advice than me. But I will say this:

From what I just read it sounds like your parents, or you perceive that your parents, write you and your needs off. Perhaps your older siblings steal too much of their focus and you get so very little.... Just a thought.

What should you do? That's hard to say. I would recommend keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. No matter how crazy they sound. You may discover a lot about yourself that your brain couldn't process.

How do you stop people from falling for you? Good luck. If you are of the opposite sex it will happen. I'm sorry, but that's just reality. I am curious why you don't have girl friends instead. Often times I've found women who don't have girl friends don't like girls because they have been hurt by them too much, and find that guys will give them what they want emotionally.

How to deal with health anxiety? SSRIs can help. Therapist. Journal. Really think the problems out and see if you are truly experiencing pain or if it is just all anxious energy. Talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it. Even if people think you're crazy. You will find someone who will listen, and it will be a blessing from God.

What to do when I feel like there's no one to talk to? Personally, I'm a Christian. I pray to Jesus Christ. I believe he listens.

I know I sound stupid but I really don’t know what to do anymore. You're not stupid. You say you don't know what to do anymore, but you just did it. You are reaching out for help. Never stop reaching until you have found it.

God bless you and I pray all rights itself with you.

Thank you very much for your advice. For now, I’ll start writing a journal like you suggested. And the thing about girl friends, I do have them. In fact, 3 out of those 5 close friends are female. But I always end up making friends with guys because we share the same interest i.e. I like video games and those kind of stuff. You are right though, I have been hurt by girl friends more than guy friends. Even my most recent fallout happened with a girl. But I think of those people as mean individuals and life lessons, haha. I’m glad there’s someone out there who feels the same way or at least understand me somehow. T_T I hope you can find friends that you can bring your problems to or we can be friends! Thanks again for your reply and best of luck to you.

[avlady]

I agree with Humble he said it right, one thing i have a hard time doing,thanks and good luck!!