[NineOfCups]

Hello everyone,

I am new here. I haven't been fully diagnosed yet, because I am somewhat treatment resistant. I maybe have borderline, schizo-affective, or even schizophrenia.

I have this very annoying thing in my life that I keep struggling with... I wonder if anyone else knows what it is, and if it's part of some mental illness..

It is like this:

Sometimes I start something. Say, a website. Have an idea. I buy everything, create everything. A week or month later, I trash it and cancel everything. I throw away the site and begin something new. Then I decide I should start a Youtube channel. I create one, but a month later I delete everything. Then I decide to write songs. I write 20 songs, but then I delete them all from my PC and choose another genre. This goes one for a year, and I have gone through at least 7 different genres. Then I decide to cancel my Internet subscription. A month later I regret it, and I buy a new one. One year later I want to cancel it yet again... than I decide to start a business, write a plan and cancel it two months later to start another business. etc etc. this goes on and on and on...

I don't know why I am doing this? I don't want too, but... it just happens. It is so frustrating!

Is this typical of some kind of mental illness?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Nine: Well... I don't know if what you describe is typical of some particular kind of mental illness. But I'm familiar with the experience. I'm an older person now. And I've pretty-much gotten over it at this point. But for years I would get all excited about some new project. I'd go out & buy whatever I needed in order to pursue it. Then after a few days or weeks, I'd decide I didn't want to do it anymore & I'd just drop the whole thing. I think I probably spent quite a bit of money this way over the years.

I've never been diagnosed as being Bipolar. But one psychiatrist I saw suggested it might be a part of what's gone on with me. For my part, I kind-of think what I have experienced was perhaps a form of mania. A lot of times, how these episodes would strike would be that I would be unable to sleep. I'd get some "hair-brained" idea spinning around in my head... building castles in the sky, so to speak. Sometimes I'd be awake almost all night imagining all of the fantastic things I would accomplish doing whatever it was I envisioned I was going to do! Sometimes that day the fatigue itself would be enough to douse my fantasies with cold water. But at other times, as I wrote above, I would continue to be captivated by them until I had spend a bunch of money on whatever I thought I needed to pursue my dream.

[*Laurie*]

What you've described could be a sign of mental illness, or a personality disorder, or nothing at all. It's hard to know what to suggest...I just don't know you well enough. It sounds like you are seeing a mental health professional? If so, that's good. I hope you have a diagnosis soon.