[Don2017]

Just curious – and I know there'll probably be no clear answer – but what if somebody is in a long-term affair and can't decide between doing the "right" thing aka staying in a long term marriage - and going officially for the Affair partner - Assuming there has not been an incident where the affair was found out, despite the long duration ....... Betrayed Spouse has no clue about Affair or me going to therapy ..... I seek counseling because I'm lost wrt which way to go ..... What would the individual counselor tell me? Are they usually biased towards pro Marriage?? Are they being educated that way? I'm not talking about a church related counseling session, btw. Just a regular college educated family counselor.

No.

I went to one with my now ex husband. My ex was so convinced the counsellor would agree with him and cut me apart he willingly participated. Instead the opposite happened. The therapist basically told him to smarten up, act his age, be responsible, and treat me with respect. The therapist said as far as he was concerned unless my ex recognized he was a self-centred emotionally abusive jerk that his recommendation was that we part ways.

[*Laurie*]

If the therapist is doing his/her job properly they won't be biased, but will do what is best for each couple they treat.

I have a question for you. Are you prepared to hear both answers or do you perhaps already have a leaning towards what you want judgement for? Is it justification you seek?

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Don2017

... Betrayed Spouse has no clue about Affair or me going to therapy .....
What would the individual counselor tell me? Are they usually biased towards pro Marriage??

I doubt a counselor would try to push you either way, but I would hope some effort is made to deal with the betrayal and deceit.

My therapist always said, that barring abuse, he didn't advocate for or against divorce. His job was to help me work towards whatever relationship goal I found healthiest for me and to perhaps help me discern that if I needed that kind of support. He was entirely straight with me though if he thought something in my thinking or actions, or something in the marriage needed to be brought into the light. He didn't soft-shoe around reality. Expect a therapist to expect you to get real with yourself.